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Why He’s Not Calling

20 Aug

waiting

By William Bixby

I have helped several of my female friends, on many different occasions, deal with strange male behavior from obsessive sports fanaticism to the inability to place dirty clothing into clothes hampers. But, a man’s failing to call is one of the most infuriating and confusing male behaviors in existence. This a collection of the most common reasons that he stopped calling you, in no particular order.

1. You moved too fast, too soon – Is it hypocritical? Yes. But it’s also true. Men feel they can be promiscuous with few repercussions, while there is a stigma attached to your promiscuity. Being a booty call to a guy is similar to you putting a guy in the friend box. Once a guy is put into that box, they will never have a chance at romance with you. Similarly, if you sleep with with him too soon, you will have no chance at a relationship with him. He’s already had what he was supposed to be working for, so why would he call?

 

2. He’s a little immature and playing games – There are many games that guys play and many reasons that they play them. All of them are based in immaturity. Be glad this guy isn’t calling. You will have play games to keep him.

 

3. He’s a player – He’s smooth, well-dressed, and always says the right thing when you actually get in touch with him. The problem is that you never seem to catch up with him. I assure you ladies, when a guy is interested in he’ll keep in touch. If he doesn’t call, leave him alone.

 

4. He’s in a relationship…with his job – You’ll hear from him every week, then every other week, the frequency of calls decreasing exponentially. It seems that he is always in the middle of something. You might mistake him for the player if he wasn’t calling from the workplace. This guy is in another relationship, not with another woman, but with his career. It makes him just as unavailable. Move on.

 

5. You left him in the friend box too long – You remember that guy that was kinda cute, well-groomed, responsible, and absolutely adored you? He wanted you, and you wanted Jack the smoking hot, unemployed man. Remember, you put him in the friend box to keep him close while he continued to do whatever you asked, despite the fact that you showed no interest. He found somebody that thought he was hot, and doesn’t have time for you now.

 

6. You’re boring – You call him and hold the phone waiting for him to entertain you. You never have any clever stories to tell about your day. He has to be on every time he talks to you, because if he doesn’t there will be no conversation. He stopped calling because you are boring.

7. You’re more like his mother than his mate – You clean up behind him, wash his laundry and nag while you do it all. He’s heard you complain so much that he has stopped listening to you and found someone else. No one needs two mothers.

8. You’re too much like one of the guys – Here’s more of the hypocrisy of men. You burp out loud, or fart in front of him. He hates you for it. I know that he does these things all the time, but he does not think that you should. Men think that women don’t have butt holes, except on anniversaries or with job promotions. To men, female flatulence is similar to parents having sex. You know they do it, but you’d like to believe that it doesn’t happen.

 

9. You’re too insecure – Do you know that guy that’s always whining about something and wondering what you’re doing? You’re the female equivalent of him. You don’t want him to go out with his friends, unless you are there. You send endless barrages of text messages, calls, and voice mails when he leaves the house. You’re always worried about the women that ploy to steal him away, while simultaneously pushing him away, because your last relationship was horrible. It is not him, it’s you.

 

10. You’re never there for him – His dog died. He’s sick again and you’re no where to be found. Maybe he just wanted to talk about your day, but he’s missed you a few times. If he has called and seldom talks to you, he’ll stop trying.

 

11. You’re always there – No, you really can’t win. If you’re always available, he probably will get tired of you. Sorry ladies, guys can be pretty difficult.


How to Attract Guys on the Internet

17 Aug

facebook - girl playing video games

1. Pose with Your Hottest Friends

Guys that look at your pictures will probably not care which girl you are as long as you are not considerably less attractive than the girls with whom you are posing. So, gather up your hottest friends and make sure that you take plenty of pictures together. Pick the picture where your smile is the prettiest and your boobs look the perkiest. Men are easily beguiled.

She is cute, but her rotund friend makes her look hot. This could be you.

2. Pose with Your Hot Ugliest Friends

Okay, I know what I said about posing with your hottest friends, but then the guy that you like may want to hook up with your more attractive friends instead of you, especially if your friends are really hot. So, try getting some pics with your less attractive friends. Posing with your fattest, ugliest girlfriends should make you more attractive by comparison. Believe me most guys will not know the difference. You always want to be the most attractive girl in the photo because all eyes will eventually gravitate to you.

3. Take Selfies in Mirror

Men can not resist the sexy shot in the mirror. This is a standard of online dating, so take out your phone, stand in front of a mirror (preferably in something provocative), and click away. The cleavage pose where you bend towards the mirror and wink at the camera or the over the shoulder booty shots get the most responses from horny, red-blooded American males. Bonus points if you have a visible tramp stamp (the bigger the stamp, the better).

This is a no-no regardless of how hot you are.

4. While We’re Here....

Here is a complete list of No-no’s for Your Online Pictures

  • Do not use a picture with a guy in it – Good guys will assume that he is your boyfriend or your ex, and wonder why he is still on your profile. Are dating him? Are you still sleeping with him? Are you still in love with him? Bad guys while stash you in the “booty call” box (similar to the “friend” zone, but with sex replacing only friendship)
  • Do not use the picture where you hug your cat on your bed, unless you have enormous cleavage and the cat is sitting inside said cleavage (everyone thinks that cat people are crazy…unless they are also a cat person [and just so you will know, any guy will lie about liking cats if you are hot enough])
  • Do not make a silly face on your profile picture. He will think that you are stupid, and want to punch you in the face. And, if he does not want to punch you in the face, then I will. Silly faces do not make you cute or fun to hot guys. It makes you appear like someone with a terrible sense of humor and it makes your picture ugly. The same goes for duck face and resting bitch face (unless you are incredibly hot, in which case your resting bitch face makes you slightly hotter)
  • Do not take artsy, hazy emo pictures with a depressed expression on your face unless you only want to attract suicidal/homicidal, high school kids who live unattended in their mother’s basement.
  • Yes, number 3 said to wear something skanky on your profile picture while showing a little skin, but ignore that rule if you are looking for a serious relationship. A lot of women make the mistake of giving off purely sexual vibes instead of sexy but wholesome vibes on their profiles. When men initially see you as a sex object it is very difficult to steer their simple minds towards serious dating.
  • Never take a picture without an alcoholic beverage in your hand. Men love to date party girls. And, nothing says I love to have a good time better than the constant presence of spirits. No one is more fun than a raging alcoholic.

5. Describe Yourself With Completely Random Adjectives

Guys are attracted to women that are unstable. It is a character flaw that might only be connected to the Y-chromosome. So, make sure that you describe your personality with as many contradictory descriptions as possible. Be sure to say that you are fun, outgoing, lazy, crazy, smart, sexy, and a little slutty. You are sure to get plenty of responses. The smart, emotional guys will the think that you are in touch with yourself and find it incredibly sexy, and the hot, dumb guys will see slutty and want to sleep with you. Win-win. This idea probably sounds absolutely insane, but it is really quite intelligent (See what I did there?)

This woman is going to get some dates.

6. Pretend You Like Sports

This is fighting dirty, but it works like a charm. Pick a sports team from the city where you currently preside, or from your home town and put some paraphernalia on your front page. I am convinced that no woman in the world really likes sports (partially because I have never met one that loves and understands games the way that I do), and if I have not met a woman that loves sports, then I am sure that no one else has either. Admittedly, that scientific analysis may be biased, but I digress. Pretend to like a team so that men flock to you in droves. Meeting an enthusiastic female sports fan would be like finding a twenty year old, rocket scientist, millionaire, virgin girlfriend. You would be the Holy Grail for any sports fan, and all you have to do is tell a little white lie.

She is going to get dates too.

7. Pretend to Like Video Games

Do all the same things that are required in order to fool a guy into thinking that you like sports, but replace the word “sports” with video game references. Bonus points if you can name any game other than Call of Duty or Super Mario Bros. 3.

8. Air Way Too Much of Your Business

Guys like crazy girls. If you are emotionally damaged or appear to be emotionally damaged, then guys will line up to make advances on you. Just make all of your daddy issues apparent to any person that reads your profile. Talk about how you do not really trust guys and say that you have commitment issues. If you really want to reel the guys in, then talk about how difficult it is to find an unattached partner for sex, basketball games, and Call of Duty. Men always attempt to rescue damsels in distress.


25 Times Feminists Won with Protest Signs

16 Aug

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What Men Want from Women, But Won’t Ask For

15 Aug

what men want

woman cooking

A Hot Meal

Learn to cook ladies. Seriously. No guy should expect Gordon Ramsey in drag in his kitchen (unless he is in to that), but some basic knowledge of how to season and cook food properly is a baseline for survival in the real world and in relationships. Men want a woman who is comfortable in the kitchen. And, yes, all the old sexist standards for women still run through a lot of guy’s heads whether those men admit their preferences or not. That does not mean that men can not fend for themselves in the kitchens, but it does mean that some guys would prefer to have a woman who can cook in some place other than the bedroom.

 

Independence

A man wants to feel needed, but he also needs space for himself. Ladies can move a little more quickly than men when it comes to emotional connection, and that means that a guy may feel like his personal space is being invaded by her. Even if a couple moves in together, each person having their own personal time apart from their partner is important to the relationship. A man wants to know that his wife or girlfriend has her own life and is adding him into it. He does not want to be the focal point of her life. So, every woman who is looking for a long relationship should make sure that she has hobbies that she enjoys outside of it.

 

Your Respect

In a relationship, women usually want to be loved and desired first and foremost with respect on the list of relationship priorities somewhere. But, men need to be respected before anything else. Respect is a pillar of manhood. It comes before being liked, before being loved, and before everything else in any relationship. Part of a man’s being is his worth to others. And, a man has to be respected by the person who he is closest to. A guy who is being disrespected by his woman will inevitably leave or do something to ensure that she leaves.

feel love

Your Love and Affection

Men are taught to be the stoic members of their family from the moment that they are born. People expect men to be emotionless and dependable. But, men need to be hugged and kissed just as much as women. Because of the lack of emphasis put on talking about and acting on emotions, guys can be awkward when it comes to expressing their feelings. However, they need to cuddle and be told that they are loved too. Men are not taught to express themselves, so there is a great misconception that guys are superhuman robots incapable of emoting. It just is not true. Guys show their feelings through their actions, and desire for those feelings to be returned by their loved ones. To keep a man, you have to make him feel loved.

 

Basic Maintenance

Any wise man knows that he has to make his significant other feel beautiful, but after a couple has been together for a while, sometimes they let themselves go. Because each person in any given relationship has seen their partner in their most vulnerable state, people can neglect the type of grooming and hygiene that initially attracted their partners. Your husband/boyfriend always wants you to look your best even though he will never say it. And more importantly, he wants you to look your best for him. Women tend to dress up for their girlfriends, for their jobs, and in any other social setting, but slouch around in frumpy clothes when they are around their lovers. Men want the same attention to detail in your appearance that the rest of your social circle gets.

 

Your Support

In most relationships, the man has a leadership role within his immediate family. He is expected to be confident and decisive in his role at the head of the household, but men are subject to the same self-doubt and insecurity that any other person fights against daily. Men need encouragement. They need their significant other to believe in them when they doubt their own abilities. A man will love and appreciate a woman who provides him with the assurances that he needs to make the difficult decisions that are thrust upon him. And, he will cherish the woman that encourages him even when he fails.

 

He Wants You to Take Charge

A man wants a woman who will occasionally take him on a date. He does not mind planning the events for the evening on most nights. He does not mind paying for everything. And, he does not mind initiating sex most of the time. But, every now and then, a guy wants to be treated like a king. Sometimes you should plan a night out at the game for him without asking him about it. And, once in a while catch him at the door and rock his world sexually. He will appreciate you for it.