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The Obvious Reasons Sex and the City Was Written By a Gay Guy

4 Jul

sex and the city

Sex and the City was one of the most popular series that HBO ever televised. Furthermore, it is one of the most financially lucrative series that has been in syndication, turning several seasons of drama into two of the highest grossing movies of the last decade. Sex and the City empowered women everywhere, specifically single women, because it is one of the few shows where the story lines are carried solely by women. But, it was quite obviously written by a gay man. Below are a few of the most glaring examples of why everyone should have known the writer of Sex and the City was gay.

1. The Protagonists Are Women

Straight, American male writers in Hollywood generally write about men who express the ideals of manhood. They either create stoic, charming characters who vanquish their enemies or flawed anti-heroes who beat the odds and succeed in the end (think anything by the Michael Bay, Scorsese, or even Spielberg, etc). Women tend to base their work around complex, story line connections and emotional ties rather than an actual hero (think Hurt Locker). Gay male directors focus their stories around the most significant person in their lives, their mothers. It is no coincidence that all of the women that Sex and the City is based on are middle-aged, successful women. That confident, sophisticated woman portends the image that the average gay man holds of his mother (at least if he loves her).


2. The Women Are Caricatures of Themselves

In Sex and the City, all the women are wildly, successful professionally, but in shambles emotionally. Miranda is a powerful attorney on the fast track to partner, but she is almost emotionally despondent. Samantha is completely open sexually, however she is challenged when it comes to intimacy. Charlotte is sexually inexperienced and sheltered socially. And, Carrie despite being a burgeoning writer is also completely indecisive and confused romantically. Each character is a stereotype of a specific kind of woman, and no particular group of people are more stereotyped or more capable of indulging stereotypes than gay men.


3. The Men Are Just Eye Candy

If you want to know what single gay men think of other men, either go to glo-stick night at your nearest gay bar or club on Friday or watch an episode of Sex and the City. You will get the same conception of a homosexual male’s idea of men. Each show is a buffet of single available men that are at the women’s disposal. Occasionally, one guy sticks around with one of the female leads for more than a few shows, but usually they are in the story line just long enough for everyone to ogle.


4. The Way Sex Scenes Are Shot

The typical way that sex scenes are shot by men incorporates plenty of boobs with the desultory butt shot (female, of course) accompanied by the camera panning to either the man or woman jumping up and down or thrusting. Women generally film sex and nudity only in awkward context to evoke realism into their film. But in Sex and the City, the sex scenes display the men like films directed by straight men depict the women. They show the men’s bodies as trophies and then pan to the pure ecstasy on faces of the female leads.


5. The Show Is About Sex

Sex and the City is a show about (wait for it…) women who have sex in the city of New York. What could be more enticing and gossip-inducing to a gay man than the sexual conquests and emotional trauma of his closest successful businesswomen friends? That is what Sex and the City provides. It gives a look into the lives of four interesting women who have plenty of sex and plenty to tell.


6.The Designers

The fashion is also a little reminder that the director has to be a gay man. The designers really “came out” for the show (see what I did there). They make cameos on Sex and the City, place their clothes throughout it, and have the actresses on the show at their shows. Count the Jimmy Choo references in the next episode that you see.


7. Big

The only male character that remained static throughout the show and the dream guy for Carrie, the main character of Sex and the City, was named after the size of his penis. The ultimate goal of the show, which was about a lady having it all, focused on her marrying the drama filled, penis of her dreams. The man behind this all had to be gay.

How Having A Cat Is Like Dating A Hot Woman

3 Jul

hot woman cat

women are like cats03

You Will Be Ignored

Your cat always has something better to do when you want their attention or affection. Whether they are playing with their toys, sunbathing, taking a nap, or just ignoring you, whatever they are currently doing is more important than your desires at any given moment of the day. A cat is never at your beck and call. And similarly, hot women always have too many options in the dating pool to wait for your call. A beautiful young woman has professional athletes, doctors, lawyers, mechanics, and garbage men chasing after her and offering her the world. She does not need you even if she likes you. She may not like her current options – which is the sole reason that you have a shot with her – but there is always another opportunity for her to be entertained. Some guy is always willing to shell out ridiculous amounts of money to be ignored by a beautiful woman. And, when you can have anyone, no one is good enough for you. Like every cat in the world is too good for their owner, every sexy woman in the world can afford to ignore the guy who wants her.


Feed Them If You Want Their Attention

No cat can resist the sound of a can opener even if they have been ignoring you all day, and the only caveat to the “women will ignore you” rule is the “women love food” exception.  Nothing says I’m your best option to a lady like overpriced food and forced small talk. And, if you are fortunate enough to string together the right set of words, then your date might find out that she is genuinely interested in you despite your obvious shortcomings. A woman’s most intimate needs are a mystery to men, but if you are vying for a small piece of her attention then buy her some food.


They Never Travel in Packs

The term “cat fight” was appropriately coined. Domestic cats do not travel together in packs and neither do hot women. And, the reason that neither of them hang together is because both hot women and cats can not stay in close proximity with one another for too long without fighting among themselves. Cats fight over food, territory, and social status. Women fight over looks, social media, and social status. You will never see more than two hot women in any group of ladies because the level of vanity that it takes to be extremely hot supersedes the people skills that a person must have to deal with others amicably. Cats and hot chicks do not travel in packs.


They Nap

Your cat will sleep from 14-20 hours a day. And, when you cannot get in touch with a hot women, there is a good chance that she is just sleeping. A big part of a sexy woman’s hotness is aggressively getting enough hours of uninterrupted sleep and even more hours spent primping and planning outfits, accessories, and makeup. Be grateful that you get any time with a beautiful woman during any given 24-hour period.

cat - manipulation

They Manipulate You

A pretty woman knows how to act in order to get what she wants from you. Whether it be a simple smile, a caress on the shoulder, or a sultry brush against you, you are not in control of the situation when a hot chick decides what she wants. If you have ever been awakened from a sound sleep for late night sex or a 3 A.M. discussion about your behavior, then you know that you are at the mercy of a hot lady and her desires. Your cat’s desires are just as important. And, if you have ever been awakened at the crack of dawn by a 8 lb. tabby sitting on your forehead while waiting to be fed, then you know who runs your relationship.

How To Cheat Better

2 Jul


cheater02This is how not to cheat.

Because so many of our readers asked about this subject, we the writers at have decided to oblige our fan base with this article about how to be a better philanderer. does not condone cheating or support the wrecking of happy homes, but the collective knowledge of our staff may help you to do so.

Ground Rules

In order for any secret womanizing to successfully occur, there are a few standard ground rules that must be set in place for the other woman. And, since they are all equally important, they will all be labeled number 1.


1. Never allow women to pop up at your place of residence. Your home and your personal space are two things that any woman in your life needs to respect. If a lady friend wants to visit you at your home, then she should place a phone call to you before she shows up. It allows you time to clean up your home, search and hide any signs of another woman, and it gives you time to freshen up and impress her. Women can be extremely observant of the things in your home, and some purposely leave belongings under your bed and in your car solely to mark you as taken. Unless you are aggressively looking for a replacement wife, then your house is a place that should off limits to unannounced visits.

1.  Never make yourself available to any one woman consistently. Creating an emotional relationship with the other woman almost insures that she will become unstable and unpredictable. She will ultimately become problematic and put undue stress on your first relationship if she thinks that she is your first priority. It should be clear to any woman on the side what your intentions are. Tell her that you only have a little time during the week to hang out, and that you have a full schedule on the weekends too. It forces her to accept your hectic schedule and make the time that you do spend together special, or find herself another beau. It also helps her not to place unrealistic expectations on you. She should know that you are the fun guy, not the love guy.

1.  Always keep an extra set of clothes in your car. There are several different occasions that may call for you to change your clothes before you get back to your real relationship, including but not limited to lipstick on your collar, the smell of sex or a different fragrance being stuck in your clothes, and your clothes appearing overly mussed.

1. Never date two women who live in close vicinity to each other. Yes, there are really hot women who live in your apartment complex. And yes, they look especially enticing in their yoga pants after working out at the complex weight room. But, if a woman lives near you, sooner or later she will knock on your door at the wrong time. It could be a friendly visit that reveals your affair to both women or it could be some crisis in her life that causes her to come over without calling, but she will eventually intrude on you and you other woman. Do not date women who live close.



Always buy the same gifts for the ladies that you are dating. Buying the same gifts for different women eliminates multiple problems that most cheaters face. One designated offering means that you do not have to remember which specific gift goes with woman. The presents should always be simple and uniform. This also ensures that you have the same receipts floating around in your belongings which lessens the chances that you are caught because of a paper trail. If you buy one lady a tennis bracelet, but a receipt shows up for diamond earrings she’ll inevitably wonder when you will give her the earrings or conspire to find out who received the other gift. Similarly, you should never give your email address to stores that you frequent to buy gifts. The company will send a thank you email, a confirmation email, or some other digital proof that you have been spending money on someone other than your main squeeze.


Phone Etiquette

The worst enemy of any cheater is the cell phone. It gives people access to you at any moment of the day or night. You can be tracked by it, background noise can give your location away, and it leaves a readily available trail of every conversation that you have had. That excludes text messages and tawdry picture mail photos. Texts and picture mail can be saved by the other woman and shown to the main woman. They can be posted on the internet for the world to see. That innocent pic that you let her snap of you and her at the airport dive bar could be the first clue in a series of mistakes that will be uncovered by your phone. If you are a cheater, try not to keep a cell phone. In the case that you have to have a cell phone, then two things are first priority for you. You must get another cell phone that never leaves your car and you must establish a pattern of being unavailable to the other woman or women. Use your car cell phone solely as a number for your affairs. That phone should be turned off and silenced at all times. Check it at the same times every day to establish a pattern of availability to talk, but do not get in the habit of meeting a woman at the same time every day. She may decide that your free time is her time. Have one of your closest friend take an embarrassing photo of himself and save his name as the owner of the phone. If your girlfriend finds a photograph of his manhood in the pictures, then she will probably leave the phone alone.



Always use affectionate nicknames for the women that you are dating instead of their real names. If you insist on calling your lady friends by their God-given names, then you will eventually accidentally call one of the women the wrong name. When dating more the one woman, terms of affection are completely necessary. Make up a name that you can use with women that is unique to you. They will relate the term to you if it is endearing and think that it also unique to them.

cheater - facebook

Social Media

Social media is the number two killer of relationships behind only cell phone usage. Changing your FaceBook status from “in a relationship” to “looking for friends” is the real world equivalent of murdering your spouse on live video feed. You can not hope to be successful as a cheater and keep a profile on FaceBook, LinkedIn, MySpace, or any other forum. Women can find you and all your information on the world wide web these days, contact your partner, and chat about how much of a douche bag you are.


Dating Etiquette

Never bring either of your phones onto your dates. Make a sound excuse for why you can not keep your phone handy in advance to your significant other and stick by that alibi regardless of the consequences. Inopportune phone calls and texts could be your downfall on a date. If the phone vibrates in your pocket, then your date can feel it even when the ringer is off.  That simple vibration could lead to a barrage of interrogatory questions and ultimately to you revealing the full extent of your wrongdoing.


You should not cheat on your spouse or girlfriend, but if you decide to step out on your significant other then understand that cheating has become more difficult in the last decade than it has ever been before. With the advances in technology and the plethora of ways that people are now connected, deception is more laborious and unfruitful than in years past. If you cheat, you will eventually get caught, however if you follow the preceding set of rules then you may navigate around some of the errors that trip most men.

Understanding Men: Who A Man Sleeps With Has Nothing To Do With His Taste in Women

1 Jul

morning regret

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, but only enough blood to run one at a time.

- Robin Williams

what men want

When asked, any man would say that the woman on the left is who they want to date. But, given the circumstance the same guys would sleep with either other woman.

Women often wonder how a man can date a woman who looks like Kate Upton, but sleep with a woman who looks like Margaret Cho circa 1998. They wonder how an attractive guy who has a good job and has acquired quite a few nice things has slept with a lot of unattractive women in his time. That is because, to most ladies, who a man dates is a good indicator of his preference in women. And, on some level that is true. Where a man spends his time and money gives some insight into what he desires. The man who dates Kate Upton obviously like busty blondes. A guy who dates a rocket scientist probably values intellect. However, the one key factor that many women do not know, do not fully understand, or do not take into account about men is how many decisions are made with the head below their shoulders. What men desire on the most base level is regular access to vagina. And, the prospect of regular sex far outweighs the desire to have a beautiful date. Men follow their roosters indiscriminately, and the rooster does not discriminate. So, you cannot judge a man’s taste by the appearance of the woman that he is screwing. Understanding this inimitable fact is paramount to understanding men. The smaller head always wins.

regretful morning

There are exactly two factors that determine what a man likes in a woman, what a man believes that he wants from a woman and the probability that the guy will be able to sleep with a particular woman. Men are simple. There is the type of woman that the man desires physically, mentally, and emotionally and there is the type of woman that the man can attract easily. Who a man has sex with has no bearing on who a man finds attractive or what characteristics he likes and dislikes in a woman. Once again, a man’s preference in women depends on his options at the time. A guy has an archetypal standard in his head for the type of woman who he wants to start a life with and an ever-changing minimum for the woman who he deems an acceptable candidate with which to exchange bodily fluids. Sometimes, all the desired physical, mental, and emotional traits that a single guy needs to build a relationship reside in one woman, and that woman is interested in the guy. And, in a perfect world, this scenario would be the norm. But, generally the frumpy, hetero- clone of Rosie O’Donell is the only woman who is interested in sex with a guy, and almost any red-blooded American man will choose coed extracurricular activities over a night alone.

The man who loves brunettes with long hair will still sleep with a cute short-haired blonde given the opportunity. The guy who cannot get enough of big butts would hook-up with a chick with nice boobs and no ass without blinking. Depending on the amount of alcohol, the hour of night, and length of time between a man’s last two orgasms Brad Pitt would have sweaty armpit sex with Melissa McCarthy while Fran Drescher intermittently yelled the answers to quadratic equations and emasculated him. Our expectations for a wife and sex partner are not mutually exclusive though they often appear that way.

Men should not be judged for the choices that they made when most of their blood was draining southward, because personal taste in women is the one instance when actions do not speak louder than words. A man’s sexual resume has no bearing on his ideals. No man who has a reasonable amount of sex partners has not bedded a few big, old, and/or homely women. But, past dalliances do not show preference. A guy will stick his Richard in any woman at 2 o’clock when the bar is closing. The most effective indicator of a man’s desires is what he intellectualizes and verbalizes is his type. So, if a man says that he likes a certain characteristic in a woman, take him at his word. For men, taste is idealized, but sex is relative to opportunity.