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10 Things Women Need to Know About Men

22 Jan

understanding men

1. We have emotions.

We’re not necessarily sensitive, but we are human, thus, we have emotions. We like to be complimented, such as: you’re such a great husband and father; I appreciate how hard you work, etc. We enjoy random texts or emails that say how much you like us or how hot we are. Basically I’m saying men like their ego stroked.


2. We do not EVER want to hear about or meet any of your ex’s.

Men are visual creatures, so if we ever meet or hear about one of your ex’s we instantly visualize you sleeping with him…bad times. Same is true if you ever say another guy is hot or crane your neck to check him out; prepare for an argument.


3. We don’t need you to like sports, per se…

We do, however, appreciate you knowing about our favorite teams and players (not very hard if you pay attention, as we probably talk about them a lot). We’d like you to know the basics of the game…it’s really sexy. We don’t need to have PTI type debates with you, because that’s what our buddies are for, but we’d like you to do just a little bit of homework (this is pretty easy in this day and age considering Google and Wikipedia). For example, my mother can recognize a false start or pass interference penalty in a football game, however, she can’t recognize something more complicated like ineligible man downfield or illegal formation. This took some effort on her part, and I’m sure my dad appreciates that.


4. Certain phrases are taboo.

We need to talk; let’s talk; can we talk for a minute; can you turn the tv off for a second. All these mean to us are: 1. prepare for an argument, 2. what did I do wrong this time, and/or, 3. what am I not doing now? We immediately get on the defensive, and that’s not a good thing for you or for us.


5. We don’t want to have an extensive conversation after sex.

After sex we just want to sleep (or leave the premises as fast as possible to avoid cuddling if we’re really not that into you). We don’t want to talk about how Kristen and Doug’s marriage is on the rocks, which tile to get for the bathroom, or why that lady in your office didn’t hold the elevator for you, but did for your girlfriend. If we like you we’ll do the cuddling thing, but please, can we have a lot less post coital conversation.


6. Men will fake a relationship just to have sex.

This is extremely awful, but also extremely factual. Easy solution is respect your body and don’t sleep with the guy after the 1st date just because he’s a smooth talker, and/or because he drives a BMW, and/or because he’s wearing expensive clothes and shades (even though it’s nighttime or inside a club). He will either never call you again, or he’ll keep “dating” you until he finds someone he likes better.


7. High quality men don’t want a docile woman.

This isn’t to be confused with a shy or introverted person, because these women still have souls. Be yourself and hold firm to what you believed in before you met us. If you’re a Republican and pro-life, don’t change to a Democratic pro-choicher just because the dude you met is. Don’t do everything we say do or agree with everything we say please. If we wanted another possession, we’d simply just go to Best Buy and buy one. We’re dating you because we respect your opinions and you stimulate us mentally. Remember this goes for respectable guys. Lame dudes want to dominate and manipulate susceptible women because they can’t handle strong women. Respect yourself, respect your body, and be a strong women (if you don’t know what that means, you’re on the right website).


8. We only agree to watch horrid shows like “The Bachelor” to see the women.

Trust me, we don’t care if Mindy or Sarah gets the rose at the end of the show or not. We just want to see her impeccable body in a bikini. There are two other small benefits to watching women argue and be catty with each other on camera. Firstly, it makes us grateful that our lady isn’t an attention starved, gold digger, with no soul; secondly, we like to see the awkward conversations that follow when the girls deny sleeping with the bachelor (when it’s obvious that they have to just to win).


9. Yes it does make us feel special when you ask us to fix something or open something.

Remember that whole stroking the ego thing? After being emasculated by things such as car seats, The Notebook, and matching outfits in holiday family photos, there’s nothing better than finally being asked to use that Y chromosome.


10. Yes we want you to take our last name when we get married.

It’s not that we want to own you after we put that incredibly expensive piece of jewelry on your finger, it’s more of a comprise thing. When a dude marries a woman, he agrees to lower his testosterone levels by doing such things as: being completely monogamous (despite getting so much more attention from women once we commit), watching movies that star Jennifer Aniston or Meryl Streep, going on double dates with your friends and their usually lame husbands, trading in our sports car for something that can house a car seat, getting rid of our video game, comic book, and baseball card collections, and throwing away all of our Victoria Secret and Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue magazines. All we ask is that you take our last name so we’re not the butt end of jokes from all of our buddies for the rest of our lives. By the way, the whole hyphenating both of our last names is actually worse than you not taking our last name. (Exceptions to this of course are people who need to keep their last names for occupational purposes)


Bonus (because we know that you’re curious):

• Do you look fat in that dress? Of course not. (Do you honestly think that any man with a modicum of intelligence would answer anything else to that question?  We accept that you’ve put on a few pounds since we’ve started dating; we probably have also, but don’t tempt us by trying to squeeze into a size 1 dress if you’re a size 6. Most importantly, please don’t even ask us something like this.)

• Do we think any of your friends are hot? Of course not sweetie. (Men know that women either roll in a pack that has a bevy of hot friends, or none at all {and you’re the only hot one, of course}. Either way we’d NEVER admit that).

• Do we like what you did with your hair? Of course! (Whatever it is you did with it.)

• Do we miss you? Of course! (Women are soft and smell really good, we like being around that…except during the 4th quarter of a playoff game.)

• Do these pants make your butt look big? Of course not! (Unless you’re a black woman and you don’t see this as disparaging, but rather as a compliment.)

• What do you think about her (random hot chick in the mall)? I can’t believe she’s wearing those pants that are so tight! (Seriously, why even go here, unless you want us to ogle that young hottie?)

• Would I like to eat lunch with you and your mother? Of course I would, but I really have this thing for work that I have to finish. (Of course we would, but we have this thing for work that we really have to finish.)

Pippen Was the Most Valuable Player

21 Jan

Chicago Bulls vs. Boston Celtics


Yes, Michael Jordan is possibly the best player to ever play professional basketball, but he was not the most important player on his team. People admired the highlight dunks and fade-away jumpshots that Jordan routinely made, and they were spectacular. However, Pippen’s other-worldly athleticism and consistent teamwork made a significant amount of Jordan’s play’s possible. Before Pippen, Jordan broke scoring records and lost games. With him, Jordan tempered his scoring and became the champion that we remember. With his stellar defense and bonus scoring prowess, uber-athleticism, and various other intangibles, Pippen allowed Jordan to be the player he was for the team. Jordan was the best player, but Scottie Pippen was the most valuable player of all the Chicago Bulls.

Pippen was the consummate teammate, possibly the best teammate ever. He was one of the top 50 players in NBA history, despite playing second fiddle to possibly the best player in NBA history. Michael Jordan definitely lowered his shot attempts once Pippen arrived, but imagine what Pippen could have averaged without Jordan. Pippen averaged 17.9 points, right under 1 block, 2 steals, 5.2 assists, and 6.7 rebounds as a Bull. He was the second leading scorer behind Jordan and either led the team in steals or was second in steals behind Jordan in that category also. He was first or second in assists, rebounds, and blocks in almost every year of his career with Chicago. Scottie Pippen was a six time champion in the NBA, winning three consecutive titles twice. He was a seven time All-Star, with seven consecutive All-NBA appearances. He was an All-Star MVP in 1994. And, he led his team to the playoffs in 16 of his 17 years in the NBA. The Bulls reached the playoffs in each year of the 12 that he played in Chicago.

Pippen allowed Jordan to be the best player in NBA history by affording him rest on the defensive end and keeping Jordan in single coverage on the offensive end. Pippen was the key to the Bulls’ success.

Scottie Pippen always guarded the most versatile scorer and usually the best player on the opposing team.  No matter what the marquee name was on the jersey, Pippen denied him the basketball. He wore down, point guard Isaiah Thomas and shooting guard John Starks in two separate Eastern Conference Finals. He slowed the 6’9″ assist machine Magic Johnson in the NBA Finals on the way to his first ring and blanketed the NBA’s all-time assist leader John Stockton for his 5th and 6th rings. He shut down high-scoring forwards Glen Rice and Jamal Mashburn. Pippen even defended power forwards like the high-flying Shawn Kemp and bruising, bullying Karl Malone. He could defend 4 of the 5 positions in any basketball game. He was one of the most versatile defenders in NBA history and his versatility was a product of Pippen’s athleticism. It is almost sacrilegious to say as a basketball fan, but Scottie Pippen was a better athlete than Michael Jordan. He was bigger. Pippen was 6’8″ with long wiry arms. Jordan was listed at 6’6″ but closer to 6’4″. He was stronger than MJ and faster from one end of the court to the other too. Pippen was also quicker laterally. Jordan was definitely more polished of an offensive player and more dominant as a scorer, but Pippen was more gifted than him as an athlete and a better defender. Being able to take the best scorers on defense actually allowed Jordan to save his energy for the offensive end of the court.

But, Pippen did his share on the offensive end too. He slashed his way to the rim relentlessly in the Bulls triangle offense. Since Jordan loved to catch the basketball at the free-throw line, it was imperative that there was a viable option to dump the ball to when he was double-teamed. The passes that reached Pippen in the lane ended in violent dunks. The passes to him on the perimeter ended in 3′s. He was one of the best finishers in the 90′s and he also averaged 6+ assists per game. The breath-taking break away dunks that Michael Jordan made during the 90′s, were often the direct result of a steal and pass from Pippen. He always seemed to be in the right place and to make the right play.

Michael Jordan never won a ring without Scottie Pippen. He was considered to be an arrogant, undisciplined scorer before Pippen became a Bull. After him, Jordan was labeled the best player ever. Before Scottie Pippen, the Chicago Bulls were a desperate playoff team. After him, they were World Champions. The one year that the Bulls played with out Michael Jordan in the 90′s, Pippen led the team to the Eastern Conference Finals before bowing out. His peripheral stats did not change even though his role did. He had basically the same scoring, assist, and rebounding averages facing a constant double team, without one of the best players in NBA history beside him. Michael Jordan was the best player to play in the National Basketball Association, but he was not the most important player on the team. Through suffocating defense, versatility on offense and defense, and ability to finish plays, Scottie Pippen was the most important Chicago Bull.

Coach K Is Overrated

20 Jan

coach k - mike krzyzewski05

Mike Krzyzewski may be the best college coach that ever lived. He has one of the most decorated coaching careers in NCAA history and has sent countless players to the National Basketball Association, however he has halted just as many NBA careers as he has developed. And, the 50+ players that Krzyzewski sent to the NBA have all floundered at the next level with the exception of a handful of athletes. Coach K has a history of stunting his players growth for the sake of his program. High school All-Americans go into the Duke University basketball program as college freshman and assistant coaches come out in four years. All-State athletes go in and accountants come out. No college defense is as stifling as Krzyzewski’s coaching. He takes promising athletes and forces them into a style of play that serves his legacy and is not necessarily conducive to perfecting their craft. The way that Coach K treats his players, his reliance on his system, and the lack of teaching individual basketball positional fundamentals all contribute to the mediocre pros that come out of Duke University under his tutelage.

To properly address the deficit between the talent of Coach Krzyzewski’s players and the end result of those student athletes, one first has to begin with the man himself. Though he has a public persona of a genuinely affable and intelligent man who seems both gracious and humbled by his position, Coach K can be brutish and self-serving in regards to his players. No one and nothing comes before the Duke program even when highlighting a particular player could possibly help both the school and the player. Coach Krzyzewski has a long history of riding his players relentlessly regardless of how talented they are, and a significant amount of kids who play at the university never learn to play basketball because of the way that he approaches them. He does not know how to talk to people, or he does not care. The unsavory language that he uses with his players, the students, and the media at Duke show Krzyzewski’s disinterest in cultivating a nurturing atmosphere at the college even though he is charged with guiding the lives and careers of young men, being a role model to a community, and being the face of the university. Coach Krzyzewski often berates and belittles those closest to him. Taylor King, a former Duke Blue Devil was rumored to have thought that his name was ‘motherfucker’ during his freshman campaign at Duke according to reports of people close to the team. Krzyzewski challenged King daily and showered him with F-bombs throughout practice. Following his freshman year, he left Duke, and thrived on the court at Villanova University under coach Jay Wright. Krzyzewski bullies both his players and anyone else who draws his ire. Coach K has numerous public incidents where he spoke inappropriately to staff, students, or the media. He reportedly cursed at the mother of William Avery, one of his former players, when Avery decided to declare early for the NBA draft. And, some of his profanity laced tirades are well-documented, including but not limited to this gem aimed at the Duke student body newspaper when they gave his team a B+ midseason rating:

“I just wonder where your mindset is that you don’t appreciate the kids in this locker room. I’m not looking for puff pieces or anything like that, but you’re whacked out and you don’t appreciate what the fuck is going on and it pisses me off—I’m suggesting that if you want to appreciate what’s going on—get your head out of your ass and start looking out for what’s actually happening.”

Krzyzewski also publicly called the report “full of shit”, and according to some of the student reporters, the 15 minute speech was full of scatological and anatomical references.

His vulgar and disrespectful antics do not stop there. Krzyzewski’s sideline rants at his players and the referees during games spew just as much vitriol as does his treatment of the team behind closed doors. Dewey Burke, a former rival guard of the Blue Devils at nearby UNC, says that the reputation of Coach K being difficult and emasculating towards his players is well-deserved.

“His mouth is terrible. He has that reputation. You don’t want kids sitting behind the bench, that’s for sure. It takes a certain kind of player to deal with that over the course of four years. As players sitting around, yeah, we’ll talk about how I don’t know how I could play for a guy like that.”

Mike Krzyzewski alienates most of his players at some point in their careers because of the way that he constantly berates the team. The athletes who can adjust to his gruff scowls and the numerous expletives that are going to be hurled at them over the course of their college careers will excel if they have superior athletic ability and an undying devotion to being demeaned by their superior. Others like Taylor King and William Avery left as soon as the opportunity presented itself despite their athletic gifts. Coach Krzyzewski marginalizes the talent of his players by failing to connect with them. His harsh treatment of student athletes halts the success of a significant number of his players.

basketball - william avery - collegeCoach K disrespected his mom, and allegedly lied about his draft position.

And, the players who are capable of adjusting to the harsh treatment that Coach K imparts on his team still have to be able to adjust to the way that he wants them to play. Krzyzewski’s system hinders as many of his players as his lack of verbal restraint does. He built a basketball dynasty at Duke University through his reliance on three point shots and man-to-man defense, but his reluctance to embrace a different style of play when he has a talent base of different skills often results in the under-utilization of that talent. Players who can not pattern their games to his preferred style of play languish on the bench regardless of their natural abilities. Coach K preaches man-to-man defense and deep shooting while disregarding what type of game that the level of athleticism and the skill sets of his players dictate that the team should play. NBA talents like Nate James and Brian Zoubek were relegated to the pine until their senior years because they did not fit Krzyzewski’s vision of what his team should be. James was an inconsistent shooter and Zoubek was incapable of locking up his man one-on-one, however when they were put on the floor in 2001 and 2010 respectively, both players became the most valuable player of their squads because they were uniquely talented. James slashed to the rim from the wing and used a streaky jump shot from fifteen feet to score the basketball when he was cutoff from penetrating. Krzyzewski gave him limited minutes prior to his senior season in 2001, because the coach prefers sharpshooting players who play within the offense. The prototypical Krzyzewski small forward is a cerebral, physically gifted 3 point shooter, who can penetrate and find short jumpers in open space like Shane Battier, James’ teammate and another one of Krzyzewki’s former players. But, James was an athlete who created his own shots with his dribble. And honestly, he was better when plays broke down than he was within the confines of the offense. He was more primal in his approach than calculated, and he was effective. His only saving grace at Duke was that Coach K literally had no established shooting guard talent on his team, and he had to trust James to lead the way for the team. James won a national championship in 2001 as team captain and entered the NBA after a great season, but how much better could he have been if Krzyzewski tailored his offense to fit the player’s strengths earlier in his career and developed his skills? Krzyzewski’s refusal to tweak his offensive philosophy hurt his team and almost derailed Nate James’ career. Brian Zoubek faced a similar situation at Duke. He was given very few minutes on the basketball court before his last season in Durham primarily because he did not fit one of Coach K’s basketball ideals for a post player. Zoubek was a lumbering big man who had few offensive weapons outside of 12 feet from the rim. Krzyzewski prefers to run his offense through big men who spread defenses out with deep shots and score efficiently with a polished post game. Fortunately for Zoubek, the coach had no other options under the rim, so he had to play more minutes at center in his senior campaign. Zoubek’s tough rebounding and put backs, his aggressiveness on the block, and his overall play inside the paint pushed Duke to unexpected heights that season. Zoubek only had modest career averages of 4.2 points and 4.5 rebounds per game at Duke despite being an All-American in high school, but in his senior year of college, he upped those averages to 5.6 points and 7.7 boards. When the NCAA tournament arrived, Zoubek averaged a double-double in points and rebounds even though he never averaged ten points and ten rebounds during his entire college career. Krzyzewski was forced to give him more minutes in the tournament because he was the only rebounder on the team, and he flourished in his role. In a down year for Duke, Zoubek led them to a national championship because he finally received the playing time that he needed to be effective. Either Krzyzewski can not recognize the talent on his teams or he ignores talented players who do not fit his scheme. Those are the cases of two players who were successful at Duke despite Coach K. Several other players never fully blossomed at the university because they were stifled by Krzyzewski’s system. In two lackluster seasons at Duke, Billy McCaffrey averaged about 19 minutes minutes per game and scored 9 points, 1.4 rebounds, and 1.4 assists in competitive play. He was an effective player at Duke, but he did not get the opportunity to be a main contributor. Ultimately, McCaffrey chose to transfer to Vanderbilt University because he felt underutilized. Over the course of two years at Vandy, the same guy averaged 20 points, almost four assists and three rebounds per game. McCaffrey was a star that never shone under Coach K. Similarly, Elliot Williams, an athletic combination guard played for Duke during the 2008-2009 season. Under Mike Krzyzewski, Williams averaged 4.2 points and 2.3 rebounds per game in 16.6 minutes. After his freshman season, Williams transferred to the University of Memphis due to his mother’s failing health. The NCAA granted him a waiver to play basketball immediately due to his specific circumstances, and the 6’4″ guard averaged 17.9 points, 4.0 rebounds and 3.8 assists per game in his first and only season there. Williams was drafted in the first round of the 2010 NBA Draft, where he was selected with the 22nd overall pick. Had he stayed at Duke, his dream of playing in the NBA might have never been realized. He was forced to stand on the perimeter and shoot threes in Durham which was not his strength. Krzyzewski should have used his athleticism in the open court rather than bogging him down in half court sets. The coach is inflexible. Consequently, Duke University endured multiple transfers in 2013 because of his failure to use all his talent. All-Americans Michael Gbinije and Alex Murphy are the latest to leave Durham because of the lack of minutes, but many more may be on the way out. Krzyzewski has 5 McDonald’s All-Americans who average less than ten minutes per game and 4 of them average less than two points per game. Both Miles and Mason Plumlee (former Dukies) struggled to get consistent minutes under Coach K at Duke, but they are both starting for NBA squads this year. The youngest Plumlee, Marshall, is glued to bench in Durham right now, averaging 8 minutes, 1.3 points, and 2.2 rebounds per game. He was considered the most talented of the three by most basketball analysts before he got to Duke. Krzyzewski’s coaching style only caters to a specific type of athlete, and all other players get left behind with their talent unrealized. Coach K kills basketball dreams because he will not adapt his preferred style of play to accommodate his talent.

But, the biggest way that Mike Krzyzewski stops the professional basketball careers of his players is by failing to develop their talent. Krzyzewski does not teach fundamental basketball skills to his players, so most of his players never grow beyond the skill level that they acquired prior to their arrival at Duke. Basketball players do not get better under his tutelage, they just get more acclimated to his system. If an athlete’s skill set matches what Coach K wants from his players, then they play more and ultimately become the focus of his offense. Guys like Jayson Williams and Jabari Parker fitted the mold of a Krzyzewski coached team, so they had successful careers at Duke. Jayson Williams led his his team from the moment that he stepped on campus as a freshman. He was a quick point guard who had great ball-handling skills and a good outside shot, Coach K’s favorite type of player. By his second year, he was the star of a team that was led by seniors and future NBA stars. Jabari Parker fit the role of a Krzyzewski player too. He was a polished, athletic wing who could make the three or use a few dribbles to take short jumpers. He starred in his freshman year at Duke and led the Blue Devils in scoring and rebounding (the only freshman to ever do so) because he fit the mold of a classic Krzyzewski player. But, Williams and Parker came to Duke as highly skilled, above average athletes. Most college athletes do not enter college with both the natural gifts and a skill set that is developed enough to play in the pros. The average college athlete needs his game cultivated by a patient mentor to succeed at any university or at the next level. Coach Krzyzewski only gives his players a larger platform to be seen. He does not teach them the game of basketball. College guards may not need ball handling clinics in every practice, but they do need to be counseled on when to shoot and when to pass the basketball. The point guards who have trouble with shot selection at Duke University are benched no matter how talented they are. College wings come into universities as shooters who can not dribble or slashers who have trouble shooting the basketball. Krzyzewski allows both types of players minutes in his system, however only elite shooters or spectacular athletes are recruited to the school at the wing position. So, he never has to develop his swing man’s skills, he only has to tweak their decisions on the court. And, the Duke posts have been neglected and mishandled. No one shows them the finer points of rebounding, the importance of positioning, and advanced footwork. Until he landed a head coaching gig at Marquette this season, Steve Wojohowieski, a 5’7″ former point guard for Duke, was teaching the post players at Duke how to play. Consequently, some of the more hyped prep stars never dominate at Duke. As a starter at Duke, DeMarcus Nelson, a former All-American, only averaged 14.1 points per game in his junior year and 14.5 in his senior year. Throughout his college career, Chris Duhon averaged 7.2, 8.9, 9.2, and 10.0 points per game as a Blue Devil. There was no measurable progress in his entire career. Jon Scheyer scored 18.2 points per game as a senior, however he only shot above 40% from the field once in his college career, his sophomore year. Shelden Williams upped his scoring every year, but he never learned the nuances of post play so he failed once the level of athleticism was equal in the NBA. And, Kyle Singler entered Durham with a hefty 13.3 scoring average, but the difference between his next three years were negligible. He scored 17 points grabbed 7 rebounds, and handed out two assists for the next three years as Duke. These are respectable college statistics for any player, but in every case there was no significant growth for any of these kids as basketball players. Each of these young men came to Coach Krzyzewski with talent and a dream, and he used their abilities to fuel the Coach K legend instead of helping them to hone their craft.

basketball - kyrie irving - collegeOne of the best Duke players ever only played 8 college games under Coach K.

By and large, the best basketball players to come out of Duke are guys who did not stay under Krzyzewski for very long. Corey Maggette, Kyrie Irving, Luol Deng, and Jabari Parker all left after their first year. Maggette averaged 20+ points over the course of several seasons in the NBA, Irving and Deng are NBA All-Stars, and Parker will likely be a good pro (Irving only played a total of 8 games in college). Elton Brand and Jayson Williams left in their sophomore years. Jayson Williams started what seemed to be a good NBA career before it was derailed by a motorcycle injury, and Brand is a former All-Star who regularly averaged 20 points and 10 rebounds in the NBA when he was healthy. The less time players spend in Durham, the better they seem to be in the National Basketball Association.

Do not be bamboozled by the propaganda machine behind Duke Basketball. Mike Krzyzewski is not the wholesome, affable coach that he is portrayed to be by the national media. Krzyzewski is a bullying, self-serving coach who is willing to solidify his legend in the NCAA at the expense of hundreds of athletic careers. Attending Duke University for four years will get an athlete more exposure, and the brief stint there could possibly get a student athlete a Final Four ring, but for most basketball players, attending Duke University ensures that they will sit on the bench despite being fairly talented or skilled, and that their potential will never be realized. Mike Krzyzewski kills careers.

How to Text Better

17 Jan

woman texting04

Texting has become an essential part of the dating landscape in the last few years. Before, a guy had to call and hold a decent conversation with a lady if he wanted to pursue her, but in this generation of immediacy a strong text game is all that is necessary to do well with the ladies. Women have their phones with them all the time. It is next to them when they wake up in the morning and when they go to sleep at night. It is with them in classrooms or business meetings. A woman’s phone never leaves her side, so it is a useful tool in wooing her. But, everyone’s text skills are not up to par despite the importance of texting in today’s texting landscape. Here are a few do and do not’s when texting a new woman.

woman texting - good or bad

Do: Keep It Simple

Guys often worry about creating some elaborate, clever text to wow the woman that they are pursuing. And, the first text is important, however it does not have to be complex. A good text, especially the first one, is about simplicity and connection. Make sure that you use her name in the text, and make sure you say your name. If there was some significant moment that she would remember or some nickname that you made up for her, then mention it. That moment or name serves as a good reference point for her, and it points to the connection that the two of you have already made.

Do Not: Keep It Casual

A decent grasp of the English language is completely necessary to avoid coming off like a douchebag in text messages. Your texts to a hot girl who does not you, but may like you are not the place for “Wassup? Wat r u doing?” The woman who receives texts like these are laughing at you with their friends, and immediately friend-zoning you. And, that is if she calls you at all after your small bout with idiocy.

Do: Show Some Personality

If you make the same drab conversation that every other guy that texts her does, then she will lose your number quickly. Believe me some of those boring guys are better looking than you, some have considerably more money, and some are both rich and handsome. Fortunately for you Quasimodo, personality trumps looks and cash. This is the time to text something clever and/or weird. It sets you apart. So, tell her you have been kicking puppies or planning world domination when she asks you what you have done today. Tell her you have been looking for a pretty girl to have a drink with and ask her if she knows any. Whatever you do, make sure that you stand out from the rest of the guys who are actively pursuing her.

Do Not: Kill Your Own Conversation

Progressing your conversation with an attractive woman should be the only goal of your text messages. That means asking the types of questions that lead your lady to talk about herself, and a lot of men fail right here. Asking yes and no questions are a dating death sentence. She will inevitably label you boring if you can not keep her talking, so learn to ask open ended questions. Instead of texting, “Did you have a good day?” Text her, “What happened at your job today?” And, follow up with something specific that she has said to you about her job, like asking about her annoying coworker, her abrasive boss, or her big project. Texting is about finding the subjects that are important to the woman that you are pursuing and allowing her to be expressive about them. Never limit your conversation by narrowing down the answers that she could give you with dead-end texts.

Do: Paint Pictures

The reason that Donald Trump won a presidential election and the reason that millions of women read cheesy erotic novels with Fabio on the cover is because people, and particularly women, respond to imagery that touches their individual emotions. Trump built his campaign on separatism and the mental picture of a huge wall protecting the U.S. from illegal aliens. Both are strong,visual ideals. Romance novels tie powerful sensual and sexual themes with individual imagination to hook their readers. Sensory language is wildly effective. So, you should use language that paints vivid pictures when sending a text. Instead of saying, “It is a pretty day.” Say, “Cool breeze blowing, golden rays on my face. Does it get any better?” Paint a picture for her.

dick pic - reaction

Do Not: Bring Up Sex

One of the worst mistakes that you can make in your texts with any woman is talking about sex before you have had sex with her. First, she probably already thinks that guys are brain-dead idiots who are always trying to stick their penises in every random hole that they can find. And second, most guys who text her have already tried unsuccessfully to get her to talk about sex. Wait for her to initiate sexy talk. If she finds you attractive, then you will know it. And, never send an unsolicited dick pic. Nothing good has ever come of it.

Do: Call Her

Texting works, but eventually she is going to want to hear your voice. Build on you text messages by keeping similar themes. If you texted her with a funny tone initially, then continue to tell jokes when you call or meet her. Show her the same wit and color that you used in your texts when you meet her.

Do Not: Keep Calling or Texting

She saw your text. She chose not to respond. And, that does not necessarily mean that she is not interested in you. What it does mean is that she decided not to text you back immediately when you texted her. Do not attempt to contact her more than twice without her responding to you. Too many texts make you look desperate, and it ruins your chance of connecting with her. She may have been busy. She may not be interested in you. Either way, calling her or texting her multiple times will not change her feelings toward you. Craft a fun text and wait for her to respond.


Understand that handsome and attractive are two different things, and that how you look has no effect in a text message. So, if you are an average-looking guy with a strong text game, you can be just as effective with women as a guy who physically looks better than you. And, if you are a great-looking guy with a weak text game, then you will miss out on a lot of women who may be interested in you. Follow these texting rules if you want to use your phone as a dating weapon. Your texting skills may be the difference between a night with a beautiful woman and a night alone.