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How to Know If You Are Crazy

18 Jan

crazy - girlfriend05

crazy - mom021. Is Your Mother Crazy?

Do you regularly think, “What is wrong with this bitch?”, when you hang out with your mother? Is she the most neurotic, controlling human being that you know? Well, congratulations. Her emotional instability has led you to become a lifetime resident in crazy town. You have unintentionally learned how to fly off the handle from the one person who should be the closest example of normal adulthood in your life. And, this type of crazy spills over into all parts of your life. Romantic relationships, friendships, and work relationships all suffer from your inability to keep it together emotionally. If your mother is crazy, chances are you are crazy too.

2. Are You Always Ready to Throw Down?

People argue. Occasionally, those arguments lead to physical altercations. No one would fault you for getting into a fight with some knucklehead after having a few too many shots at the local bar, because sometimes tempers flare when alcohol is involved. However, if you get into a scuffle with somebody every weekend, then maybe you have a problem. Do you argue loudly and often with your current boyfriend in public about problems that should probably discussed in private? Have ever gotten into a fist fight with your boyfriend/girlfriend in public? Yes? Then, you are crazy.

3. Is Everyone You Date Crazy?

You always seem to attract stalkers. You chalked it up to having spectacular sex skills or a great personality. You are a great catch, but you end up dating the kleptomaniac or the panty sniffer or the guy who has been in jail 12 times. Well, unfortunately for you, if you keep finding crazy people, then you may be giving off crazy vibes. People like what is familiar to them. Crazy attracts crazy.

4. What Time Do You Come Home?

Excluding graveyard shifters who are usually fairly responsible people, the people who regularly get home after 2 a.m. are insane. There are only a few activities available to you for entertainment in the early hours of the morning. Libraries are not open until 2 in the morning. Neither are churches. The only viable options for entertainment late at night are binge drinking, soliciting and using illegal drugs, or soliciting and having sex with strangers. And while those are extremely engaging offers, none of them are particularly healthy decisions. It takes a special type of person to drink every night until incoherent, wake up hung over and depressed, and then do it all over again the next day. The only things that stay open that late are bars and legs, so if you regularly keep those hours, you should start a new career as a bartender, drug dealer, or a professional whore.

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5. Are You A Stripper/Cam Girl?

Any woman who decides to take her clothes off for money is probably missing a few screws. Ladies, you should not take this statement as a judgment against all the women who strip, dance, or rub balloons against their genitalia for cash. This statement is the simple expression of a few quaint observations. Women who strip can be upstanding citizens who better their communities through civil service and personal sacrifice. That is completely possible. But, usually, they turn out to just be psychotic sex workers who turn the world upside-down with their vaginas. You might offer your man a threesome with a coworker one night or stab him in the chest with a paper clip the next night. Neither of those incidents are things that normal people do regularly, though one is probably preferred. If you make money by showing your boobs to strangers, then you are probably crazy.

6. How Many Friends Do You Have?

Friends are people that you can count on when you need them. Friends have your best interest at heart all the time. They are only concerned with your well-being. Guys who want to sleep with you are not your friends. Neither are women who are envious and tear you down with negativity. If you look at this list and can not find an example of one person who genuinely cares about you doing well, then you are probably crazy. The people whom you are screwing do not count here, unless they are your long-term boyfriend/girlfriend or your spouse, because the person with whom you are having sex is morally obligated to come to your rescue occasionally.

crazy - apologize

7. Can You Apologize?

Can you make a sincere apology when you make a mistake? Does it burn a small piece of your soul to say “I’m sorry”? People who never apologize are closet sociopaths. They are so self-absorbed that they do not worry about the welfare and feelings of others. An inability to apologize is an indicator of mental instability. If you can not admit guilt and show remorse when you hurt someone, then you are crazy.

8. Do You Know Why You Do What You Do?

When you are arguing, do you sometimes step back in the moment and think, “Why am I doing this?”, but you do it anyway? Right before you call your boyfriend four letter words that you would be embarrassed to hear your parents say, do you think, “I can’t believe I’m picking this fight.” Have you ever slashed someone’s tires, thrown a brick through a window, or keyed someone’s car? Well, if you have exhibited any of these behaviors, then you are nuts. Congrats.

This list is not the definitive list of crazy behaviors. It is simply a starter kit for recognizing your mental problems. Chances are, if you are genuinely reading this list to find out if you are crazy, then you already know the answer.

Reasons to Sleep with a Guy on the First Date

17 Jan

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The world is a very different place than it was just ten years ago. Feminism and body positivity have changed how women perceive themselves and how they are perceived by others. Sex was never exactly taboo, but it was in the closet just a decade ago. Now, sex is in the forefront of everyone’s minds and is publicly accepted in the social lexicon. Women are more empowered than they have ever been to do whatever it is that they want to do, and the social stigmas around sex and women’s sexuality are fading rapidly. There are more reasons than ever to sleep with a man that you just met.


Brunch Story

One great reason to sleep with the hot guy across the table from you, is so you can gossip about it with your friends the next day. Everybody loves a good story. And, how could your friends resist the tale of Toilet Paper Steve, the guy that you took home last night who surprised rimmed you while you were making out, and ended up with a tiny piece of toilet paper lint stuck to his nose? Surprisingly, you never called Toilet Paper Steve after you kicked him out. Sex can be funny, and funny makes for good stories.


You Are Only Young Once

You are 22 years old, and in the prime of your hotness. Your boobs are full and perky. Your thighs are smooth and firm. Your ass is high and tight. When you look in that full length mirror, you think about how somebody else needs to see how nice you look without clothes. Well, you have the power to make that happen. Feeling hot and sexy is definitely a good enough reason to have sex.


You Are Not Young Anymore

You are a grown woman capable of making responsible decisions about your sex life. You are on the other side of 30, and the girls are not as perky as they once were, but you have realized that a woman’s sexiness has very little with her body. You realize that you are reaching your sexual peak, and you are comfortable in your own skin. You can sleep with a guy on the first date because you are in control.


The Rabbit Is Not Getting It Done

You have had a bit of a cold streak with the fellas. Every guy that you have met in the last six months are either too immature, too obnoxious, too self-involved, or too ugly. And, for a while, a nice hot bath and a well-charged vibrator was enough for you. But, you need a little human companionship and a warm body against yours. As long as you are safe, sex with a random stranger might be exactly what you need.


You Need to Move On

You had a bad breakup a year ago, and you still think about your ex when you are home alone. You keep a box of their stuff in your closet even though you have no desire to re-commensurate that terrible relationship. You are not sure what is keeping you out of another relationship. Sometimes, the only way to get past your ex is to find your next. And, nothing says you are done with your old flame better than waking up next to an attractive new flame.


You Want To

Sleep with a person because you want to exchange bodily fluids with them. Sleep with a person because you want to see them naked. Sleep with a person because you think that they can provide a few good orgasms. But, never sleep with anyone because you feel obligated. The only reason to do anything is because you want to do it.

Signs That You Should Dump Her

16 Jan

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1. If she orders lobster on the first date – If your date orders the most expensive thing on the menu on your first date together, then you should get rid of her immediately. A woman that does this has shown you at least one of three possible problems that could come up in your relationship.

  • She is a gold-digger. When she saw you, she saw a chump that had the means to give her everything that she ever wanted. She does not like you, she likes what you can do for her. Hint: If you met her in strip club or with an escort service, she is using you. People that take their clothes off for cash are motivated by money. It is not a judgment, just an observation.
  • She is testing you to see how you react to her doing inappropriate things. This is the first test of many to prove your loyalty to her. Ironically, she will never fully trust you anyway and ultimately push you away with these kinds of behavior. This type of person thrives in chaos. She has been hurt and wants to be sure that you will stay through the hard times. And when you leave after constant prodding, in her eyes, you will be another guy that has let her down.
  • She is a princess. She has never heard the word “no”. Her parents gave her a BMW on sixteenth birthday and she threw a fit because it was not a Benz. So, her parents bought her a Benz too. You will never satisfy this woman, because she has already has the world at her feet.

2. If she is a flirt – She smiles at every guy that passes her while holding your hand. She may like you, but she also likes to keep her options open. She regularly gives her telephone number or email to strangers in front of you, and then says that you are overreacting.

  • She is immature – She has not had enough experience in relationships to know what is acceptable behavior and what is unacceptable.
  • She is insecure – She  needs constant attention to validate her self-worth. She flirts because she does not necessarily value herself.
  • She does not respect you.

3. She lives in another city – Long distance relationships do not work, unless the relationship was established years prior to one of the partners moving away, the distance is short enough for both people to visit frequently, the time separated will be brief, and both parties are equally committed to keeping the relationship. It is rare for all these factors to happen in the same situation, and there is always some person in the the city that your girlfriend lives that is interested in her and attentive to her every need (especially the physical ones).

4. Because nothing that you do is right – No matter how well-intentioned and well-executed your actions are, she finds a fault with you and argues non-stop about your shortcomings.

  • She may be unhappy with you because you failed to meet some unexpressed expectations or standards that she has, which means that she has poor communications skills. If the woman in a relationship communicates worse than the man, the relationship is doomed without professional help.
  • She may be comparing you to an ex-boyfriend that still loves. Regardless of how well you treat a woman that is in love with someone else, you will be second in her life to the other person.
  • She may be unhappy with herself and therefore incapable of being happy with you. People that love themselves and are happy with their place in life enjoy sharing their lives with others. In contrast to that, people that are miserable, want others to be miserable too.

5. Nothing she does is right -Everything that she does annoys you. Either she is not the right one for you and everything that she does is amplified because your heart is not in it, or you just are not happy.

6. Her mother is her best friend – A woman holding her mother in high esteem shows that she values family and is respectful of the people that she should be respectful of. A woman whose mother is her best friend is probably socially awkward and you will be in a constant fight to be the most important person in her life.

7. You are not sexually compatible – Bad sex can break up a good relationship. And conversely, good sex that happens too infrequently can break you up too.

  • No man wants a woman that has slept with the entire city of New York, but both partners need to be similarly experienced for good sex to happen. If your partner is inexperienced, then you have to weigh her enthusiasm towards trying new things and effort towards learning your wants and needs sexually.
  • If you want sex every day and your girl is ok with sex once a month, then it will become a problem.

Girls You Shouldn’t Marry

15 Jan

anna benson

In lieu of the inevitable divorce between Kanye West and Kim Kardashian, the staff of Answers from would like to inform the men of the world of the type of women that they should not marry. More than half of all marriages end in divorce, but some heartache is avoidable.

Do Not Marry These Women….

girls with a sextape

1.The Girl With the Sex Tape

The girl who took it up the butt on camera may have a great personality, but at best she showed very poor judgement in a fairly obvious situation. At worst, she is either the girl that does not think anything through or the girl who will do anything for fame and wealth. For the three hundred thousandth time ladies, do not show yourself naked on camera. When something is on film it will eventually be seen by someone else. And once it gets to the internet, it is open for the world to see. People  that are willing to let the world see them in their most intimate acts have one of three problems. Either they are starved for attention, they desire fame and wealth over self-respect and the respect of their peers, or they are not capable of looking into the future. None of these women make good wives.

Case study: Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton – Both have been linked to numerous men in their cities. Kim is filing for her first divorce after a whopping 72 days of marriage.

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2. The Stripper

This may come as a surprise to you, but a woman that takes her clothes off for money is motivated by wealth. And that woman is more easily influenced by men that spoil them financially. The strip club is an environment where morals and money disappear quickly. Men throw their money at women in the strip club and these women sell them a fantasy. However, when a woman works for too long of a period in the exotic dancing industry, her understanding of men changes. Men become idiots (some of them really are) and ATM’s to these women. Once their idea of men is permanently marred, there is a higher chance that they will offer more intimate contact for the right price. No man can handle his wife being ogled and fondled by  men everyday. And, when the money runs out, she may leave with another guy.

Case study: Anna Benson (Baseball player’s wife) – Has been under-dressed in public on a few occasions. Promised her husband that she would sleep with his teammates if he ever screwed her over.

3. The Hot, But Crazy Girl

She is one of the most attractive women that you have ever seen. She is built like a cartoon, with huge boobs, a tiny waist, and a nice butt. Strangely, she actually wants to have sex with you, and it is completely amazing, mind-blowing sex. If you did not have to talk to each other, then the relationship would be perfect. But, every time you say anything to her other than “hi”, she blows up at you. She thinks that you are looking at other women. She accuses you of insulting her randomly. She has these creepy dolls that all face the bed,  and seven cats, two dogs, and a parakeet. Occasionally, after a particularly toe-curling session of the no-pants dance, she cries. She does not tear up because the sensation of the sex is too much to handle. No, she boo-hoo’s uncontrollably for some reason that is completely unknown to you. She is not stable, and you should not marry her. If you do, you are almost promised to wake up with a knife at your throat one day.

Case study: Angelina Jolie – Drank her lover’s blood. Kissed her brother in public. Twice divorced.

Ha! The last one was only this big.

4. The Girl Who Sleeps With Everybody

People would assume that a promiscuous woman would be more likely to cheat, but that is not necessarily true. She is, however, more likely to get bored with your “missionary only” sex. She has sampled bigger and smaller guys (both body and member). She has done some things that would make your most perverted friend blush. And even in a big city, there is a pretty good chance that you will run into someone that she has slept with. Enjoy that awkward conversation.

Case study: Sam Phillips – Liberated view of sex. Yay.  Over 500 sex partners. Ewww.

5. The Girl With Issues

Nothing seems wrong when you meet her. She is beautiful, soft-spoken, and amicable. But she has been married three times. Then you find out all these eccentricities. She does not do anything too weird at first, but there are noticeable odd quirks. Slowly, she begins to show you the real her. When you see the real her, run. This is not the woman that you marry. Most guys think that this woman simply has not found the right guy yet. They think that they are Mr. Right. They can be this woman’s knight in shining armor and relieve all the stress that she has. The guy that can fix a woman’s emotional problems does not exist. In a romance with her, at best you can hope that she learns something from another tumultuous relationship. You probably will not gain anything from it. People should only get married after they have worked through their issues alone. Leave her alone.

Case study: Jennifer Lopez, Halle Berry – Both of them have been married multiple times. Jennifer Lopez allegedly has a reputation of being difficult, allegedly asking for an all-white changing room and green peanut M&M’s on movie sets. I’m sure that attitude went over well in all her relationships. Halle Berry has married a spousal abuser, a sex addict, and dated a guy whom she accused of domestic abuse.

Here is a list of Jenny from “the block’s” demands for work:

6. The Liar

This woman can not tell the truth. Every word that she has ever said to you has been a mere shade of the actual events that occurred in any event at best. She lies constantly about both big issues and insignificant matters. She has fed you so much tripe that you no longer have a clue what is the truth and what is made up about her. Inevitably, there will be moments when she seems genuine, and she may really care about you, but any person who lies can not be trusted. And, trust is the basis of any relationship, especially a marriage.

Case Study: Your ex who stole and used your credit card to pay for a trip to Vegas where she was allegedly attending her sister’s wedding. You learned about the excursion after you contracted a STI from her because she slept with two strippers, her sister’s groom, three frat guys, and two members of your sister’s bridal party. The maiden of honor told you the truth about the event, not your ex.

Men should avoid these amateur porn stars, strippers, and promiscuous and dishonest women at all costs. They are beautiful, they are alluring and complex, but they are terrible choices to be the person that you want to spend the rest of your life.