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Classes That They Should Have Taught in College

10 Dec

cc - drinking games03

College is one of the most important times of most people’s lives. It is the period between adolescence and adulthood where men need special guidance to cruise through that period unscathed. Unfortunately, college does not offer courses that would really help students ease into this new transition. Here are the classes that every college should offer.

1.  Career Path 101

There are only two types of career choices in the adult world. There are jobs that pay very little money but are gratifying for their employees in other ways, and jobs that are completely stressful and boring that pay well. You have to decide which job you want. Is saving orphans while living in an efficiency apartment what you want to do for the rest of your life? Or, would you rather be a soulless drone in corporate America for the rest of your career and make over $60,000 as your yearly salary? There is no such thing as a dream job that pays well and satisfies all your emotional desires. You have to decide between making enough money to take month long vacations and hating your work, or loving everything about your occupation except the pay. No one tells you this in college.

2. Advanced Dating Studies 302

Many men have wasted months and even years of their lives talking to the wrong woman because they lacked the proper perspective on women. *There are two types of women in the world, women that you play naked crotch tag with and women with whom you actually hold meaningful conversation. And, there are many ways that guys confuse the two, including but not limited to: thinking that a beautiful woman is inherently an interesting person, thinking that good sex makes a woman more interesting, and thinking that a woman who is fun to talk to is fun in bed. None of these things are necessarily true. Gorgeous women are often boring because they have never had to carry a conversation. Overzealous suitors often do all the talking. Good sex should not bring a woman closer to being in a relationship. In general, a woman who is great in bed is either “experienced” or crazy. Crazy women have the best vaginas. The amount of crazy a woman has is directly correlated to how good she is in bed. It is a scientific fact.**And finally, women who are fun to talk to are not necessarily the most fun in the bedroom. Unfortunately, those two things are not at all related. There are plenty of quiet freaks in the bedroom – in fact, most super slutty girls do not look slutty – and there are plenty of interesting women who you would rather talk to than sleep with. If you find a woman that is both fun to talk to and great in bed, then you should marry her.

3. Remedial Cooking 011

Home economics classes are now non-existent, and it is to the detriment of our society. People do not know how to cook anymore. As a college student, you quickly learn that there is no chance that you will eat out for every meal unless you live with your parents. The answer to the old, ”What am I going to eat today?” question is answered by buying an expensive meal plan at the college, or learning how to cook your own food. Eating out can cost as much as 5 times the actual price of the food that you consume, and the school cafeteria normally costs double the price. It is more rewarding and economical to plan and make your meals rather than buy them. Knowing your way around a kitchen is invaluable in college, but today’s society is ill-equipped to cook their own meals. And ladies, knowing how to cook puts you ahead of all the other women in the catch a rich husband sweepstakes even though the wealthy rarely cook their own meals. .

4. Bedroom Dancing 401

Sex is a lot like ballroom dancing. The man usually leads, and he is responsible for the performance quality of the activity. But, though he has most of the responsibility, he is not the star of the show. Similarly to dancing, if the guy is in the spotlight, then the performance is typically bad. Sex is not about the guy. In sex and dancing, the entire activity revolves around the man’s ability to make the woman glow. A man’s ability to illuminate a woman’s performance in the bedroom or on the dance floor dictates whether the act was great, mediocre, or terrible. The man often controls how well the activity goes, but the woman is the star.

5. Drinking Games 210

There is no quicker way to become popular in college, than to be the reason that women take their clothes off. And, there is no quicker way to get ladies to disrobe in college than to know a few fun drinking games. There is strip beer pong, body shots, and a plethora of other games that involve women removing articles of clothing and drinking copious amounts of alcohol. Remember, the more that she drinks, the better you look to her. Someone should have taught that class.


6. Class Selection 101

No one tells college freshman how important it is to take the right classes that are being taught by the right professors. Most newcomers to college are thrown into classes haphazardly. They listen to counselors and take the first classes that are available at any given time period. But, doing well in college is as much about knowing which professors to take as it is about finishing your four year plan. Classes that are given by the head of the department are chock full of students who blindly add the class, and then quickly drop them after they find out how terribly that they are performing in the classroom. They waste their money on classes that they had no hope of passing in the first place. With this course, the right path for each student could be mapped out in their first year and followed to educational success.


7. Who To Date 103

When you first saw the hot blonde in her pink jumpsuit driving a baby pink Benz with matching interior, you thought, “God, she is hot! And, she has her shit together.” But, if you came to that conclusion, then you need this class. You would have come to two questions. ‘How could a teenager in college afford a custom Mercedez Benz? And, who bought it for her? Either she is a spoiled daddy’s girl who is selfish and deluded about how real life works the worst drug dealer ever, or a shallow, slutty trollop who boned some old guy to get the car of her dreams. And, those scenarios totally ignore the obvious defect of character that should be obvious when you see that type of car, immaturity. Who to Date 103 would teach college students about all the pitfalls that lie ahead in the serial dating that inevitably takes place in college. Lessons like ‘If He Lies About Little Things, Then He Lies About Big Things Too,’ and ‘She’s Probably A Slut,’ are sure to teach young daters who they should and should not be dating.

*Congratulations, you found the sexist statement of the month!

**It is not a scientific fact.

Tim Duncan Is A Center

6 Dec

basketball - tim duncan

By Rodimus Dunn

Who’s gonna play center tonight?

Is Tim Duncan the best power forward who has ever played in the National Basketball Association?


The end.

But in all reality, he IS one of the greatest NBA and NCAA players in history (he has career averages of 21 points, 12 rebounds, 2.6 blocks, 3 assists, while shooting 50.8%). But, he is NOT is the greatest power forward ever.  I’m not saying this because I think that Karl Malone is better than him (or for that matter Charles Barkley, Kevin Garnett, or Kevin McHale).  I say that because Tim Duncan is NOT really a power forward.  Tim Duncan IS a center.  He is listed at 6’11 and 248 lbs.  What is the height and weight requirement to be listed as a center?  When Duncan was drafted, he had a historically great center in David Robinson to play next to, so he naturally slid into the power forward position.  Robinson by the way was listed at 7’1 and 235 lbs.  So what if Duncan was drafted prior to Robinson and had a hall of fame career as a center up to that point like Robinson had?  Who gets listed as the center then?  I recall Hakeem Olajuwon being drafted #1 when the Rockets already had their center in Ralph Sampson (who was like 7’4 and 228 lbs).  Olajuwon was the PF just like Duncan was initially, but when Sampson eventually left, Dream inherited the center position. Why not Duncan?  I have my theories: like Duncan wanted to ensure he started All-Star games (which would have been more problematic in the Western Conference with Shaquile O’Neal firmly entrenched as the starter); Duncan didn’t want to expend all of his energy on the defensive side of the ball guarding “larger” guys; he didn’t want to be considered a center, because at that time, centers were thought as plodding, behemoths with no skills.  Olajuwon was listed at 7’ even though he was much shorter than that because it looked more intimidating to be listed as a seven footer than a 6’9 or 6’10 guy.  Conversely, was Duncan listed at 6’11 to avoid the stigma of being classified as an unskilled seven footer?  Unfortunately, we’ll never know.  At any rate, David Robinson retired after the 2002-03 season, so I’ll review the Spurs’ roster to investigate who was their true center.


Duncan started all 82 games at PF and Rasho Nesterovich started 82 games at C.  Rasho was listed at 7’ and 248 lbs.  Duncan was listed at 6’11 and 248 lbs, so their size was essentially equal.  I think its safe to say that Duncan was the primary post player on offense and on defense, so he was clearly the center on this team.


Same as the previous year.  Duncan started 66 games at PF and Rasho started 70 games at C.  Duncan was the obvious center on this team.


Duncan started 80 games at PF, Rasho started 51 games at C.  Duncan was the obvious center in this lineup.  Nazr Mohammed started 30 games at C on this team, and he had the size (6’10 and 220 lbs) and skill level to be considered a center.  Nazr played with his back to the basket, he didn’t really venture far from the paint, and he was a decent rebounded and shot blocker.  All that being said, Duncan was taller and bigger than Nazr, plus he was the primary post guy, thus, he was the center on this team also.


Duncan started 80 games at PF.  Fabricio Oberto started 33 games at center and Francisco Elson started 41 games at center.  Oberto was 6’10 and 245 lbs, smaller than Duncan.  Elson was 7’ and 235 lbs, in all reality smaller than Duncan.  These two guys were basically there to guard the other teams better big guy and grab the rebounds that Duncan didn’t get.  He was still the primary post guy and biggest guy in the lineup.  He was the starting center on this team.


Duncan started 78 games at PF.  Oberto started 64 games at center.  Same story as the previous season.  Just FYI, the bigs on this particular team were Duncan, Elson, Oberto, and Thomas.


Duncan started 75 games at PF.  Matt Bonner started 67 games at F-C, Oberto started 11 games at C, and Kurt Thomas started 10 games at C.  We’ll just ignore Bonner being a center, that’s just ludicrous.  The Oberto argument holds true this year just like it did for the previous two years.  Kurt Thomas was listed as 6’9 and 230 lbs.  If anyone remembers Kurt Thomas, his offensive game was limited to wide open 15 foot jumpers and rebound put backs.  He is NOT a center by any means, although he could effectively guard centers.

I think a few larger problems are the death of the true center ( thanks to Kevin Garnett, which will be addressed in a later rant) and what does it actually take to be considered a center by the NBA.  So to answer that quite simply, there are actually no specific criteria to be listed as a center by the NBA, its totally subjective.  It used to be customary that the starting center was the tallest, biggest guy in the lineup, and he would take the opening jump ball.  Of course now that 3′s, 4′s, and 5′s are all big and tall, the size criteria is almost impossible to classify.  Furthermore, now, instead of always the tallest guy taking the opening tip, its often the tall guy with the best vertical leap.  So in terms of style of play, what distinguishes a center from the other players?  How many guys actually play almost exclusively with their backs to the basket in the paint area?  One, two maybe?  How many guys control the paint, rebound, and block shots (not just from the weak side … which will be discussed further in a separate rant)?  Anyway, in terms of style of play, and statistics Duncan and Olajuwon were nearly identical (Olajuwon was listed as 7′ and 255 lbs. {although we all know he wasn’t near that big} and had career averages of 21.8 points, 11.1 rebounds, 3.1 blocks, 2.5 assists, 1.7 steals, while shooting 51.2% from the field).  So in closing, if Olajuwon was a center, Duncan was a center … that’s my final answer.

How to Catch a Woman – Being A Ladies’ Man

5 Dec

ladies man

Valentine’s is gone, Spring Break is starting, and the weather is getting warmer.  And pretty soon, women are going to be in short skirts, sun dresses, and all the other revealing outfits that all men enjoy.  Don’t be left behind … here’s how to score a hottie before the summertime.

By William Bixby


Pursuing a woman seems like a difficult task to the average man. However, the task would not be nearly as daunting as the the average guy would think if he changed a few things. To attract a woman, you simply have to appeal to the things that make men and women different. To catch a woman, you have to understand women a little better. This can only be achieved by listening to women and to the men that attract women. We surveyed both men that do well with the ladies and the actual ladies to find out more.

Rule 1: Look Good

Though men are generally more visual than women, woman are usually more detail oriented, so both sexes are looking for different qualities. Whereas men look first at a woman’s face and figure, women are likely to see the more minute intricacies of a man’s appearance. The only physical trait that the average woman bases attractiveness on is facial symmetry, which is a innate, biological indicator of illness. The things that women focus on are symbols of how refined you are. She will see if you are clean shaven or not. She will notice exactly what you are wearing, down to your socks and shoes. All these actions and items indicate your social and financial status, which in turn dictates the kind of mate you will be with her. So, your first step is to bathe and shave. A clean, shaven face helps you to appear both polished and youthful. Buy a new outfit, preferably a classic look rather than a trendy one. And be sure that everything is neat and crisp, including but not limited to, trimming your hair, de-wrinkling your clothes, and filing your fingernails.


You do not have to be a male model, just pick a good look.


Rule 2: Smell Good

People, in general, underestimate how much scent factors into dating. Specifically, men fail to utilize and recognize how scents repel or attract the opposite sex. Some men fail to bathe after work and before they meet their date. And surprisingly, only 18% of men wear cologne on a daily basis; that number may be inflated because of the perceived expectations of the surveyors and their own personal biases. To make a memorable impression, you have to titillate her sense of smell. You should have at least 3 fragrances from which to choose, 1 musky, 1 woody, and 1 nautical. If you choose the right one, she will reminisce about you and your smell long after you leave.

Straight from the survey: “I could still smell his cologne on my clothes, and it reminded me of how much I enjoyed kissing him, and of how great our date went.”

Rule 3: Location, Location, Location

If you want to catch an attractive woman, you need to find out where the attractive women congregate. As a rule, never ask a man for a cool place to hang out. 90% will have no clue, 5% will send you to a sports bar, and the remaining 5% will tell you about a club that consists of 100 other idiots ogling the 4 women that actually left the house for this hole. None of the 4 women are ever even remotely cute. Always ask a hot woman the name of the new, cool spot. If she does not know, she knows someone that knows. And hot women always think a place is great if it is full of hot women.

Rule 4: Be Confident

Now that you have found the place with all the women, it is time to meet a few of them. Hold your head up, straighten your back, stick your chest out, and gallivant across that room like own it. A man without confidence is not man at all. Smile and introduce yourself to the first lady that smiles invitingly back at you.

Rule 5: Be the Best You

You look good and smell nice, a lady has shown some interest, now your only job is not to mess it all up. Keep smiling and ask her questions about her life. Confidence is optimal, cockiness is offensive. Do not try to be anything other than the best representation of you that you can be. Authenticity is key. Pretending to be wealthy or feigning pretentiousness will insure that you do not meet anyone with character or depth. You do not have to be funny. You do not have to be the best looking guy in the room or the best dressed. Just show interest in the woman with which you are speaking, verbalize your thoughts intermittently, and  if she is the right woman, then she will appreciate your attentiveness. Most men attempt to entertain and forget to just listen when they are around a pretty lady.

Man’s Rights in Abortion

4 Dec


The views expressed in the following passage do not necessarily reflect the beliefs of All opinions stated below are the views of the author and in no way represent the views, concerns, or policies of

By William Bixby

I am not Pro-Life and I am also not Pro-Choice. And, though my stance on the subject is not defined in terms clearly enough to choose a side on this debate, I do have a singular belief that rings true on the issue. The act of abortion as it now stands is completely unfair to prospective fathers.

This article was not written in an attempt to convince people to stop having abortions nor was it written to encourage people to have unplanned children. There is no stand on a moral high ground that was meant to shame the people who decide abortion is the best option for them or to praise those that decide to keep the unborn child despite difficult personal situations. This is just an attempt to explain exactly what is wrong with abortion from the male point of view.

Let me start by exempting the one big outlier in abortion, rape. If a woman was the victim of sexual assault, then she should have the complete and sole right to decide if she wants to abort her assailant’s child. No person should be forced into sex with another regardless of gender, and no woman should be forced to carry their abuser’s child. Furthermore, no criminal should have any extension of power over their victim, and the emotional and physical stress that is caused by being raped and the physical toll of carrying a child should never be forced upon any woman.

However, in consensual, intimate relationships, whether the intimacy is purely physical or both sexual and emotional, men are undeservedly devoid of power when it comes to abortion. Once a couple has become pregnant, only the woman has the right to decide whether a child is going to be born or be aborted. The idea of “choice” with regards to abortion sounds so simple and appropriate. A woman, who has to carry the child for nine months, should decide whether she can handle the burden of bearing and caring for the child in her womb. But, the pro-choice enthusiasts ultimately disregard the needs and desires of the father of the unborn child without ever listening to him. The choice to have or abort a baby rests in the hands of one person when the decision to make the child was made by two people. This practice is unfair and deplorable. Two people made a decision to sleep together. Two people failed to properly use contraception to prevent pregnancy. And most essential to my point, two people collectively created a new life.

If two people were necessary to create a baby, it seems that both partners should have some input into the future of that child. However, women hold all the power once a child has been conceived. Women decide whether a man who wants to be a dad will lose that chance at fatherhood, and conversely they decide if a man who is not ready to have a child will become a father. The power to kill a fetus holds an abundance of authority over a man’s life. Becoming a dad is one of the most challenging and rewarding endeavors in a man’s life, and many men relish the opportunity to shoulder that responsibility. But the possibility of being someone’s father can be crushed by a woman who is not ready to become a mother. Any and every man can be denied his parental right by the simple selfish act of a woman choosing to go through with an abortion without his consent. And, the decision to have a child can be equally as devastating to a man. An hour of fun (If we are being honest, 10-20 minutes of fun) can lead to 18 years of child support payments for a guy, because in most states women are awarded primary custody until proven to be unfit parents. 20-40% of a man’s earnings can be garnished to pay for a child that he could not afford, was too immature to raise, or simply did not want for personal reasons (and this disregards the detrimental emotional effect that an absent father has on the child). Responsible fathers have all the same financial culpability and the added emotional accountability to this child that that they not ready to father. From the moment that the first pregnancy test reads positive, all the power in a relationship shifts to the lady. With the inherent charge of deciding the fate of the fetus, she also is suddenly in control of the life of her sex partner. And, that is unjust.

I do not have a solution that would make the issue of abortion less polarizing to the general public. Nor do I know how to make the decision of whether or not to have an abortion more equitable between the sexes. I do not know that any endowment of authority over abortion that is given to men would not make the process of aborting a baby any easier for women or any fairer for men. But, the lack of a solution to the inequalities of abortion does not mean that they should continue to be ignored. And, a discourse about the subject is a step in the right direction. Maybe the law could require the signatures of both of the prospective parents of the unborn baby for an abortion to be allowed. Or more conceivably, the judicial system could forage into different custody laws, because women who have to pay child support rather than receive it may be more apt to weigh their stances on abortion more diligently. Whatever the course of action though, men need more rights when the future of their child and the quality of the rest of their lives are lying in the hands of someone else.