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What She Is Really Saying

23 Aug

women mean - i don't like you

By William Bixby

In an attempt to help men understand the fairer sex and thus better relationships between the sexes, has put together a list of some of the most common phrases that women say to men and what they really mean.

Day to Day

It is your decision.

I have already told you what I want you to do.

Would you like some MY food?

Ummm, what you’re eating looks better than what I have. Give me your food.

Do I look fat in this dress?

If you ever want to see me out of this dress and near your meat and potatoes again, tell me I look beautiful.

Do you think that she’s cute?

She looks curvy and slutty, just like you like them.

Which one of my friend’s would you sleep with?

I want to fight.

I don’t want to mess up our friendship.

I am not attracted to you even though you are a nice guy. I generally like guys that actually have a pair.

I like you, but…

Have you heard of the friend zone? Well, you’re in it.

We need to talk.

I want to complain about something you did.

We need that.

I want that.

What’s that noise?

Wait, you’re almost sleep, aren’t you? Well, right now I want to talk to you about something that I could talk to you about at any other time.

Do you want to come up and have some coffee?

I think you are hot, and I may want to make out with you.

I need some space.

I don’t like you.

We are too different.

I don’t like you.

I don’t want a boyfriend right now.

I don’t like you.

Let’s take a little break.

I used to like you, but now I don’t like you anymore.

Oh, you are so cute.

You are completely non-threatening, and if I had a little sister, I would want her to be your friend. I personally do not like you.

You never listen.

What I am saying is more important than what you are saying. I’m right.

Don’t worry about it.

Worry about what I’m going to do to you after I say ‘Don’t worry about it.’

Give me five minutes.

Give me ten minutes. I have to put on my clothes, feed the dog, and put on makeup.

Give me ten minutes.

Give me thirty minutes. I’m going to change my outfit a few times and make a few phone calls.

Give me thirty minutes.

Grab a beer, kick off your shoes, and put your feet up. It’s going to be a while.

I want a sensitive guy.

I want a guy who listens to everything I say and doesn’t talk.

I like bad boys.

You are too sensitive.


Is your place near here?

You are getting lucky tonight, buddy!

I want to take it slow (before you have slept together)

I haven’t decided if I want to attend the no pants party with you yet.

I want to take it slow (after you have had sex)

You have no clue what foreplay is, do you?

This guy will never see her again.

Well, I have to get up early tomorrow. Good night.

I am never going to have sex with you.


Your penis is tiny.


Please finish. My show is coming on.

Right there, right there.

Right there, right there.

Thank you. That was great.

That was better than getting a pedicure…but barely.

(Blank stare, rhythmic full body convulsions, no words)

You are the vagina whisperer.

What Men Want from Women

22 Aug

the perfect woman02

This article was originally posted on February 2, 2012. Because of the positive feedback that we at have received about this article, we have decided to run it again. Enjoy.

Men are pretty simple. If you want to make a man happy, then give him the “3 F’s”. Chris Rock, one of the most insightful comedians in standup, said it in one of his standup routines. Feed him, fuck him, and shut the fuck up occasionally if you want to keep a man. Though they may seem oversimplified, these are the keys to any successful relationship with a guy. Every man only needs three behaviors from a woman to stay in a happy relationship. They are the three things that drive us, food, sex, and peace of mind. Ladies, be aware.

This woman is going to keep a happy man.

Step 1: Feed Him

Unless, your boyfriend had a mother who believed that men should know how to cook and clean for themselves, then you as a woman should learn to tend to your home. There was a time in the recent past when all women knew their way around a kitchen and cleaned the house regularly, but those times are fading away quickly. But, that has not changed the expectations of most of the men in this generation. All the people of the generation where women were in the home and men worked to earn a living and provide for their family now reside in nursing homes. Modern women are entrenched in the workforce and some are earning more than their spouses. Occasionally, there is an incredible woman who provides for her family and keeps her home spotless while cooking three square meals, but it not the norm. Learning how to put a meal together gives a woman an advantage over other women when choosing a mate. Does this mean that a woman should stifle her success to keep her man? Not necessarily. But, it does mean that women should be aware of some of the hidden expectations of the opposite sex.

Step 2: Fuck Him

If you are unwilling to do something freaky with your man, then some other chick will do it. It is the absolute truth. People are inevitably attracted to what they want in a sex partner. The woman that will do anything in the bedroom will eventually find her way to your man. And, if he is unhappy with you and your boring sex life then he may stray. That does not mean that women should engage in weird sex acts with their spouses regardless of how uncomfortable those acts make them. But, it does mean that people should aim to please their partners sexually. Unfulfilled sexual needs can lead to infidelity when the right circumstances align. And, the time that a man waits before actually cheating on his wife depends solely on what type of guy he is. Abstaining from extramarital sex is not easy in this age. With the easy access to dating sites, Facebook, and cell phones hooking up with another woman is much easier for a man than it has ever been. And, there are sites that are exclusive to men that want to cheat like too. Though no woman is at fault for a man breaking his promise of fidelity, keeping him satisfied sexually will keep his mind occupied with the right person, his wife.

Check yourself.

Step 3: Shut the F&ck Up

This could be the most important step of the three. A man can deal with bad cooking and a sparse, boring loveless sex life if he has peace at home. If you as a woman learn how not to argue about the little things and to refrain from talking incessantly about any and everything, then you will keep your man at home. To a man, every contrite issue is simply not worth worrying or arguing about, and therefore most things do not warrant conversation. He does not want to be bombarded with the trappings of your day at the moment that he hits the doorway. That does not mean that he does not love you, or that he is not interested in what is important to you. It means that he has own unique set of problems at his job and is he attempting to deescalate when he gets home. And similarly to the way that most things do not warrant a conversation to a man, most things are not worth a full-blown argument to him either. If you can discuss problems rationally with him, then any rational man will engage your points. What he does not want is you calling him and his mother four letter words when he forgets to buy milk on his way home. A man needs his woman to respect him and realize that when he upsets her it is almost never is intentional. The perceived slights that she holds against him are her emotional manifestations of a physical act that he performed. With men, there are seldom ulterior motives behind an action. In layman’s terms, most of the time a man did not do whatever it is that his woman is upset about just to piss her off.


The way to keep a man happy is fairly easy. Simply cook good food, regularly sex him up, and try not argue about everything. If you can do those three things, your man will stay with you forever.

The 10 Guys You Will See in the Strip Club

21 Aug

strip club02

strip club

1. The Boyfriend – These are the geniuses of the adult clubbing underworld. They think that they can watch the woman that they love grind her genitals and face into the crotch of another man and not want to rip his face off and berate her publicly until she is in tears. Strippers often invite their boyfriends into the strip club, and those boyfriends are either the jealous type or seedy, shady men.  If you see a man whom you have never met and he is burning a hole through your soul with his glare while you are getting an extra friendly lap dance, then you have unofficially met the jealous boyfriend. His sole purpose is to make sure that his girlfriend is not cheating on him in the club. And ironically, even though he sees every man that she talks to and dances with, he will never believe that she is faithful until she quits stripping. But, the seedy boyfriend is even worse. A jealous man’s fears are based in his own insecurity, a flaw that everyone has in some capacity. The sleazy beau takes advantage of his girlfriend at every opportunity. He has no job, lives off his stripper girlfriend, and talks to as many of the other dancers as possible so that he has a contingency plan for when they break up.


2. The Celebrity – The celebrities that frequent places of ill-repute are generally rock stars, rappers, or professional athletes. And, they come in two varieties: The big tipper who spends frivolously and wants to have a good time, and the entitled dick. All the working moms love the big tipper. He has money to blow, and if a young lady or two plays their cards right, he may leave the club with them. If they are a little lucky, then he will give them a night of mediocre sex, give them a few gifts, or maybe pay some bills. If they are really lucky, he could give one or both of them a crying, pooping lottery ticket. The entitled celebrity reigns as one of the most annoying patrons that visit the club. He paws at the girls and he flashes his money, but he does not spend a dime in the club (i.e. see Pacman Jones and the trash bag). This guy thinks that all the women in the club owe him something because he is a star. He is self-involved and selfish, and the strippers hate him.


3. Guy Who Does Not Want to Be There – This guy is one of the douchebag friends with whom you openly question why you are his friend. You can not even recall how he finagled himself into your circle, but he gets dragged along to most excursions and sours the occasion with his constant complaining. Every one has at least one friend like this, and if you don’t, then you are that friend. He whines about everything including being pulled into a club full of naked women by his “friends” at the last minute. His friends bombard him with dancers from the moment that he arrives at the club to the moment they leave, but he is not in the least bit interested. This guy will not allow himself to enjoy a dance because he fancies himself a feminist. He “respects” women more than most women respect themselves, and he is quick to relay that self-assessment to anyone who will listen. He is the only person in the entire club, besides the dancers, who is not having a good time. He will make it known at various times during the trip that strip clubs are too expensive, degrading, seedy, and physically disgusting.


4. The Pimp – Pimps hang out in every strip club in the nation and try to coax women into working for them. And, these are not your friendly cartoon pimps with the cool walk and the slick talk. No, this is the woman-beating, drug pushing, verbally abusive, back-handing, evil pimps. They throw money at every cute dancer in the club and attempt to convince them into leaving town for a more lucrative stripping opportunity. They prey on young, inexperienced girls and sell them dreams. Once the woman is out of town, they are indebted to the pimp and they have to work for him. Drugs and alcohol insure that they are incoherent and will do anything for the men once they are in their clutches.


5. The Drug Dealer – Look in the corner of the club where there is one lone guy. When your eyes meet with his, he subtly touches his nose while keeping the eye contact with you. This is not a invitation for the type of hot, new nose sex that all the kids are trying. It is an invitation to buy some nose candy. And, all the strung-out strippers love him because they are addicts. Some of the dancers even negotiate and sell for the drug dealers.


6. The Bachelor Party – Every bachelor party consists of at least three Party-goers, the groom-to-be, the guy who is too happy to be there, and the guy who hates strip clubs.

A. The Guest of Honor – This man will be the sloppiest drunk in the entire establishment. Over the course of the night, his friends will buy him countless drinks and keep new ladies on his lap. He will invariably paw at every woman in the place, vomit on himself, and be dropped off at home with a stripper’s number in his pocket that his fiancee will find in his drunken stupor.

B. The Overzealous Friend – This friend is more annoying than the actual groom to exotic dancers because he wants all the fun of the strip club without paying for it. He is like a rock star without the fame. When his friends buy dances for the groom, this friend grabs the boobs of the strippers. When they buy drinks for the man of honor, he does not chip in any cash, and he drinks as much as the groom. This guy is all about self-gratification.

C. The Guy Who Does Not Want to Be There – He will cry about everything that is wrong in club, from how fat the girls are, to how disgusting the restroom is. His “job” is to depress everyone in the party and make sure that no one has any real fun. He is the strip club equivalent of the hot girl’s fat friend.

strip club - lonely guy

7. The Lonely Guy – The lonely guy comes in many separate variations, however the most prominent versions of this man is the lonely married guy, the philanderer, and the newly single guy.

A. Lonely Married Guy – This married guy is not a bad person. He just feels neglected at home, so he comes to the strip club and pays for a woman to listen to him. Most people would use their friends as a sounding board or pay a licensed professional to sort through their problems, but friends have their own problems and therapists never go topless.

B. Married Guy Who Shouldn’t Be Married – Some men should not be married even though they took the vows. And, these guys often fill the adult entertainment establishments. They find the dancers who give extras to their customers. They sleep with anyone who will have them, and they even bring their mistresses into the clubs to entice the strippers. They have never had a monogamous relationship and they use exotic dancers to fill their vices.

C. Newly Divorced Guy/Guy Who Got Dumped – The newly single man is socially awkward and unable to connect with women emotionally. So naturally, he finds fantasies who look like women but are only interested in sex and hearing him talk.


8. The Regular – The strip club is like his own personal, adult-oriented “Cheer” episode. He knows the bouncers, the strippers call him by name, and he has access to all parts of the club except where the owner and manager count the money. He is as much a part of the club as the girls are, and they treat him like family.


9. The Cheap Guy – This guy never buys any lap dances, he is uncomfortably close to people when they get dances, and he never tips dancers. He will search to find the clubs that have free admission before a certain time and fight to keep every penny in his pocket.

creepy guy02

10. The Creepy Guy

Have you ever met someone who unsettles you even though they never speak a word to you? There is something that is distant and unnatural in them, and you recognize it immediately. Well, that  guy frequents the strip club. He has a bag or a suitcase that he brings into the club, and only the dancer that he chooses knows whats in there. It could be panties, it could be a comb, or it could be a paddle, but whomever he asks to enter the room will be asked to something that they are not prepared to do.

Better Sex

20 Aug

better sex

By William Bixby

Passion couple

Better sex for any man is predicated in what he does do and does not do in the bedroom and outside of the bedroom. That’s right guys, what happens in the bed is not mutually exclusive from what happens out of the bed even though some guys treat them that way. For a man to have good sex consistently, he has to perform consistently. And, good sex depends on quite a few actions that are made by men. Here is a simple guideline for making the ladies happy in the bedroom.

Compliment Her

One of the easiest ways to get a woman in the mood is to throw a few compliments her way. However, any attractive woman receives plenty of empty compliments from men daily, so your comments about her have to be more intent and descriptive. Make sure that you do not go into detail about her boobs, butt, or any other body part. You are not a construction worker, and even if you do work in construction, that does not mean that you have to act like a rowdy hardhat wearing lunatic. Compliment her on her outfit or shoes if you want to make her blush. She probably took hours putting together her ensemble, stressing over the minute details of color coordination, so a small compliment can set you apart from the other idiots who are vying for her attention. Commenting on her sense of style is a direct compliment to her as a person rather than a simple show of praise to a sexual object. Ironically, refusing to objectify her leads her to being more sexually receptive to you.

Make Love to Her Brain

Men regularly compartmentalize love and sex into two distinct categories, but women seldom separate the two. Which means that no matter how dirty the sex that you want to have with a woman is, you have to connect with her emotionally first. Talk to her, but more importantly, listen to her attentively. Nothing is more sexy to a woman than a man who is obviously into her mentally and emotionally because so many men are only interested in their bodies (even when they have been in long relationships together). Be sure to smile and be responsive. But most of all, be available to her and vulnerable with her. An emotional connection subsists to guide all future physical intimacy.

Be Flirty

Men need to know the difference between being flirty and being dirty before seducing their lady. The things that you want to hear from a phone sex operator is rarely what a woman wants to hear you say before sex. So, keep your nasty comments about slathering her up and down with peanut butter and pretending to be a stray dog to yourself. Being flirty means complimenting her and expressing to her how excited she makes you. Your woman needs to feel sexy in order to have sex, and her sexiness is influenced by your words. Leave her a note that says that you can not wait to have a little “dessert” after dinner. Whisper in her her ear how excited seeing her in her short skirt and high heels makes you. Express to her that she makes you feel hot and bothered and she may get excited too.

Kiss Her

Foreplay is essential to good sex. Whereas men only need an erection to enjoy sex, women need a little more coercion and manipulation. And for most women, the foreplay is by far the best part of their sexual experience. So remember to kiss her. Kiss her passionately and continuously. Nibble at the nape of her neck and drag your lips across her body while kissing her all over. You want to make her feel desired by you. Your kisses should be hot and steamy, and only after she is completely engulfed in the make out session should you begin exploring with your hands. Your touch should be gentle and conservative at first and slowly move towards firm and decisive as she is more receptive to you. Slow and steady wins the race with foreplay.

The Main Event (for her)

Oral sex is not a race and it is not about you. So, treat it accordingly. Only about 40% of women actually report being able to climax from penetration alone and they do not climax every time. 85% of women finish from having oral sex performed on them, so good oral sex is necessary in every bedroom. For sex to be fun, you have to be enthusiastic and attentive to your partner’s needs. Your ability to help a woman finish depends on your willingness to read her physical cues. The way a woman moves her body tells you what she wants from you, so be aware of her subtle hints. Read how her pelvis moves to assess what you do next. Listen to what she says she wants and comply. Once again, your touch should be gentle at first and become more firm as the two of you continue. Remember you are touching the most sensitive part of her body, so be careful.

The Final Act

Your skills of assessment will help you again once you begin actual intercourse. First, you have to know the perfect time to transition into sex. Ideally, that would be after her third, fourth, or seventh orgasm, but a woman may or not climax with you depending on how comfortable she is with you, how well she knows her own body, and a myriad of other factors. But, you should follow the woman’s lead with the start of sex too. Be mindful that having sex does not mean hammering away until you finish. No, sex is a form of intimacy that two people share and the experience is contingent on both partners walking away satisfied. There is a time for pounding, but most instances call for smooth stroking.