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What I Learned From Sitting On The Bench

12 Nov

on the bench02

In the world of sports, some guys are starters and some guys are bench riders. I spent most of my life playing sports as a starter, and on almost every team that I played for, I was the best player on the team. But then, this happened.

Sitting on the bench was a humbling experience

Being on a Winner Makes You A Winner

The one real positive aspect of being on the bench is that you get credit for winning games in which you physically did not have to participate. If you never set foot on the court or playing field, but you are attached to the right team then you still have accomplished something special. The last guy on the bench gets a championship ring when his team wins the championship. In a perfect world, your hard work against the starters readied them for opposing teams. Maybe your impact is bigger than you know. And, in real life sometimes it is lucrative simply to put your self into a winning environment. The janitor that worked at Apple and bought stock in his company in the eighties is a millionaire now. He did not contribute to the branding of the company. He did not produce any of the merchandise. However, he did work for the right company. Pick the right team.


Leave the Sinking Ship

Playing on a losing team weighs on people’s psyche, but sitting on the bench of a losing team reeks havoc on the soul. Having to watch inept coaching being wasted on players that are less talented than you can be very difficult. And, quitting for most athletes is not an option. However, there are times when your talents may be appreciated at a different location. There is no glory in being loyal to a team that does not value you, and there is no shame in attempting to find a better situation for yourself. Similarly, in the business world, sometimes you work for a company that is run poorly by people who do not know the talents and limitations of their staff. The experience can be destructive to your esteem and your resume. Leave bad situations before you become stagnant and learn to have a losing attitude.


Go Where You Are Wanted

Only a very special talent can overcome the misconceptions of an authority figure who does not recognize the abilities of his players, and most people do not have extraordinary abilities. The talent that you possess can be missed by your coach or your boss. Only the very best leaders properly utilize most of the talent that their players or employees posses respectively. Since you can not decide what type of production that your boss wants from you, you have to decide who your boss will be. And, you should always go to the place that wants you as an employee. The businesses that pursue you will bend to accommodate you as a professional. The companies that desired another candidate may accept you, but the road to the top may be significantly more difficult. Always go to the place that actively pursues you and make that place what you want it to be, rather than going to the place of your dreams and struggling to compete for a position that your superior wanted to go to a different candidate.


Give Your Boss What He Wants

If your coach asks you to do something, then perform activity to the best of your abilities. Coaches test you by asking the impossible of you and seeing how well you deal with the difficult task. Bosses pile on work to maximize productivity for the company rather than giving you work just to test you, however the end result is the same. You are going to be over-worked and expected to produce despite being in an implausible situation. How much work and perseverance you put into these situations may determine how well you do on that team or in the workplace. These obstacles are more about your bosses judging your work ethic when you are put in daunting positions than holding you to unreachable expectations. A good attitude and stern work habits can serve you well in these instances.


Give Your Boss What He Needs

Occasionally, there is a distinct difference between what your coach asks you to do and what he actually needs. You have to know the difference between the two, and your playing time may depend on what you do next. When you are faced with a conundrum about following orders and writing your own script, you have to tread lightly. And though it is the safe move to simply give your coach what he asks for, you can fulfill all your dreams by giving him what he needs. He told you set screens and rebound, but your talent is shooting the basketball. You have to have enough belief in your own ability to take the open shot even when the coach might disapprove of it. If you provide something that your coach needs even if he does not want it, then he will be forced to use you. Your boss operates the same way. He may not see your full value until you show him. So, though you have to give him the work that asks from you, when you see a need that you can fill, then you should do the extra work too. Giving your boss more than he asked for makes you more valuable to the company. And, value to the company keeps you working.


Understand the Politics of the Office

In sports and in the workplace, there are unwritten rules that everyone must adhere to. There are also groups of people that you must befriend in order to reach the places that you want to go. It is naive to think that the best players always make it onto the floor or field or that the most efficient workers always get the promotion. A good portion of how far you excel is learning to play the politics of your team or your office. If your boss wears a tie and a blazer on “Casual Friday” then you should too. He may not say anything to you personally, but he is watching to see who follows suit and who wears jeans. The old adage of ‘it’s not what you know, it’s who you know’, is true. Being close to the right person can be your ticket to promotion regardless of your work ethic. And, knowing these unspoken rules can help or hinder your advancement.

None of these bullet points are necessary to your success. Hard work and determination ultimately drives most people’s success. However, understanding the intricacies of your work environment is key to excelling in it, and the parallels between sports wins and personal wins are uncanny.

Things a Man Should Know

8 Nov

things a man should know

Being a man is a special honor. You will earn more than women during your adult life, because you get better pay for doing the same job that a woman does, you are considered to get better as you get older like a fine wine, and if you study hard and keep a clean record, or have a father that was a former president, then you can become President of the United States. It sounds like a pretty good deal, right? It is pretty nice being a man, however there are a few things that every man should know how to do by the time they reach the age of 25 if they want a relatively easy life.

al bundy03

1. How to throw a football/baseball - Put your fingers on the seams (with a baseball only your thumb, pointing finger, and middle finger should touch the ball), bring the ball up, slightly behind your ear, and move it quickly toward your intended target. Release the ball when your arm is fully extended. There are many occasions when someone will ask you to throw something to them or come play an impromptu game. As a guy, your manhood will be judged if your throw does not reach its destination.

2. How to tie a tie - There is no good reason for a grown man to have to ask his girlfriend, parents, or even worse, another man to tie his necktie for him. There are numerous ways to tie extravagant knots in your tie, but you should learn to tie a Half-Windsor knot at the least.

3. How to change a tire - Men that call AAA to change a tire for them should be offered to a firing squad. Socially, most men are raised to be prepared for life’s little nuances like an unexpected flat tire. In most cars, there is a standard produced tire iron that matches the bolts that hold the tire in place. Use it. There is also a doughnut tire that comes standard in most cars. Replace the flat tire with that and tighten the smaller replacement onto the car. This is not rocket science.

4. Have and know how to use jumper cables - On more than one occasion now, an adult male has asked if he could get a boost from my car. Once I agreed and handed him the cables, he admitted to not knowing how to adhere the cables to the car properly. This is unacceptable for a fully grown man. Men should always have a pair of jumper cables in their car. And the cables are usually color-coded with symbols. You hook the positive cable which is indicated by a plus sign to the positive terminal (plug) on the battery, and the negative cable to the negative terminal. Make sure that the two cables are not touching anything that conducts electricity (which includes you) and you are safe.

5. How to shot pool - This skill will probably never help you directly unless you need a little cash in college, but men should know how to play a game of 8- or 9-ball. Seriously, you do not have to be Minnesota Fats, the pool shark, but learn the basics.

6. How to read a map - The only positive thing that I received from 12 + years of history and social studies is how to read a map. If you want to drive across this great nation or go backpacking in Europe, then you need to know how to read a map. GPS does not work in every part of the world, and at times it seems just as confused as you are.

7. Have a toolbox and know how to use the tools - Every man needs to know how to tighten or loosen a bolt. Every man should know the difference between a flat head screwdriver and a Phillip’s head screwdriver (hint: the flat head screwdriver has a flat head). Every man should know how to use a power drill and a hand saw. There are no exceptions to these rules.

8. Have at least one girl-friendly anecdote - A man’s general sense of fun is different than a woman’s idea of it. Men like strip clubs women prefer antiquing. So, concurrently, a woman’s sense of humor differs from a man’s sense of humor too. Keep the joke about the priest, the donkey, and the two blondes under wraps until the second date. Find a funny story that ends happily without mention of bodily fluids, gases, or violence.

9. How to unhook a woman’s bra with one hand - There is about a 5-9 second rule about getting a woman’s bra off of her. If you use any more time that to remove it, then it will not come off that night, and your happy time is over. Do not try to rip the bra over her breasts. It will hurt her and kill the mood. Unclasping a bra with one hand is actually easier than trying it with two hands.

10. How to give a woman an orgasm - Unless you choose the sluttiest woman in the room every time you leave the house, about one-fourth to one-half of the women under the age of 25 that you meet, may not know how to bring themselves to climax. You have your work cut out for you. The first and most important thing about getting a woman to orgasm is that a woman’s mind controls her ability to finish. If she is thinking about her sick cat, her grades on that college final, her boss screwing her over on that promotion, or even if she just does not feel comfortable naked, then you have to make all of that a non-issue. You have to focus her mind on the fun that the two of you will have together if you want her to enjoy herself as much as you will enjoy yourself. Secondly, between 60-80% of women only reach orgasm if stimulated on the clitoris. That means that if  fail to have foreplay, you probably will not get her there. Foreplay does not mean play connect the dots (lips, neck, breasts, then va-j-j) with your mouth. It means that you need to tease, excite, and entice her. Finally, learn to read her cues. Women show you what they want with subtle body movements, but rarely with words.

How to Know if You Live in the Hood…

6 Nov

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In these difficult economic times many people that once lived a nice, suburban life, have now been thrust into different social classes and thus different neighborhoods. Some people have had to leave their home and relocate to a different area that does not at all resemble their previous location. Some people had the living space change around them drastically. Do not be alarmed. You may have accidentally moved into the hood and there are many smaller indicators of this place that are available to you. Here are a few signs that you need to make some necessary adjustments to your lifestyle, like adding burglar bars and an alarm to your home.

  • There are burglar bars on every other house on your block – Burglar bars in every window of every house on a block is your first hint that there may be a little bit of a crime problem in your new neighborhood.
  • There is a liquor store on one end of your block and a church on the other end – one of the biggest ironies of poor neighborhoods is the close proximity of the churches that serve wholesomeness and ideals of moderation and liquor stores where vices are readily available. If you juxtapose these two things with the crime rate then you will find your new neighborhood is rife with contradictions.
  • Every convenience store in your neighborhood is grossly over-priced – Why does this bar of soap cost $8? Does it brush my teeth and make dinner too?
  • Every convenience store in your neighborhood is owned and operated by a family of immigrant Americans who just learned the English language – “Around here we speak American.”

If you know what Tampico is, you will not live to see 55.

  • The “convenience” stores only sell fruit drink – Fruit juice is healthy and wholesome. Fruit drink insures that you will have diabetes and/or a heart problems.
  • Everyone of your new neighbors knows what a “40″ is – If you are not sure what it is, ask Hector, Pookie, or Bubba depending on what type of hood in which you live.

  • Your children’s new school has a hole in the roof and in the ceiling of each of its classrooms – I hope it doesn’t rain tomorrow
  • The teachers in your children’s new school are over-worked, under-paid, and generally disinterested in the overall welfare of the children – Welcome to public education!
  • Everyone of the children and adults in your new neighborhood are not called by their government name – “Tell Spider, Peanut, and Thunderbird to stop sitting on my car.”
  • You have been stopped by the police for failure to signal when making a right turn when you stopped your car, used your turn signal, made a hand gesture, and then turned your car to the right – When you live in a bad neighborhood, you will be stopped more often things like failure to signal, failure to come to a complete stop at a stop sign, and first degree assault. The last one happens if you actually are a criminal.
  • Old men sit on the corner drinking and talking from sun up to sun down – When you are over 50, retired or out of work, and poor, the party starts whenever you get up.
  • People sit on the porches of their houses and watch you – In poor neighborhoods, the residents sit and watch each other. No one knows the reason this occurs.

  • People walk into an abandoned house at all hours of the night – Congratulations, you have just seen your first crack house.
  • Your neighbor does not have a job or rich parents, but has a new Cadillac Deville with expensive rims and tires, an extravagant house, a hot girlfriend that might be a stripper (you can’t really tell, but her clothes are very revealing), and a pocket full of cash – There is a strong possibility that he sells drugs. You should stay away from him.

Pinup Girls from the Past 2

5 Nov

pinup - betty brosmer

July 11, 2013

Anita Ekberg

Betty Brosmer

Claudia Cardinale

Jayne Mansfield

June Wilkinson

Lana Turner

Lynn O’Neill

Margaret Nolan

Marilyn Monroe

Patti Waggin

Raquel Welch

Rita Hayworth

Sandra Dorne

Vanda Hudson

Virginia Bell