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Studs: All In or All Out

13 Dec

cartoon - bugs bunny

By MJ5

The opinions of the author do not necessarily reflect the thoughts of They are the beliefs of a individual guest writer of the website.  A funny one at that …


When I was a child, one of the things I looked forward to every weekend was getting up early on Saturday morning to watch my cartoons. I was a kid who grew up on Animaniacs, Smurfs, He-Man, Voltron, Transformers, Tom and Jerry, Tail Spin, and the Tic. If you were born in the late 70’s or early 80’s, we had exponentially better cartoon programming than the crap that’s on TV now.

No matter how many cartoons came and went, my all-time favorite cartoon character was Bugs Bunny. It’s hard to believe, but Bugs Bunny has been around for over 70 years!! He has survived generations and will continue to do so.The reason I liked Bugs is because he was smaller than all his opponents he faced, less armed than Elmer Fudd, and smarter than them all! No matter what the issue, Bugs figured a way to trick to his enemies into giving up messing with him!

However, when I got older, one of my best friends ruined my impression of Bugs forever. He explained to me that Bugs Bunny was gay or at least flirted with it A LOT. Before I let my friend finish his argument we almost got into a physical fight for him talking about my childhood idol Bugs. Then, he showed it to me on the internet and he proved it without saying another word!!

Bugs was a damn cross dresser and used it every time he could!


One of the mottos I have chosen to live my life by is “Go Big or Go Home!” Basically, if you’re going to commit to something, commit to it all the way! If you’re going to commit to being a better person, better father, better anything, go all the way through with it! Don’t let anyone ever say you half-stepped something at the end. If you’re going to be a coldhearted murderer, go all the way. Be defined by the choice you made, don’t play both sides of the fence! One of the situations that my motto has struggles with is crossdressing. I have NO issue with anyone else’s lifestyle or what they like. I just want them to fully commit to their sexuality. Don’t be Bugs Bunny and switch teams just cause it benefits you at the time.

After I saw Bugs on the internet, my respect for Bugs Bunny ended immediately because Bugs was in direct clash with the motto I live by. Bugs Bunny is a cross dressing, sexually ambiguous rabbit. The only real reason you know Bugs is supposed to be a guy is because he changes when he dresses in drag and acts more ‘feminine’. Bugs plays for both teams and I had to let him go!!

I don’t watch reruns of Bugs Bunny and really hadn’t talked about him much until now (I am seeking therapy).



As a man who loves women, there is nothing that I can’t stand MORE than a damn stud! Like Bugs Bunny, studs never choose a distinct direction with their lives. They play both sides of sexuality and use that to their advantage. Somehow in 2012, they became my direct competition in trying to find low self esteemed, daddy issues women. For centuries, men had this part of the market cornered. Depending on what part of the country you live in, studs are coming up quickly and taking part of the market share. There are less and less non-confident women out there because some of them are choosing to date the studs. They want the benefit of both men and women, and studs are providing it.

Men, it’s because Studs are cheating!!

It’s about time they start playing by the rules! MAN RULES!


From now on, I believe the government should step in and require studs to follow a few rules (punishable by 30 days in jail, per occurence).


1. No Stud Should Get In Free during Women Free Before …

It is NOT FAIR for you to jump back on the other side of the fence just to be able to get in free. You are playing the MAN card, play it all the way, reach in your damn wallet, and PAY! Why should you get in free when you are there to talk to women just like the men!?!? When the club promoter used FREE ADMISSION as a marketing plan to attract women, I am sure that they didn’t envision a real life Bugs Bunny: the mustache growing, sexually ambiguous female dude. Don’t call it discrimination, just pay your $20 just like every other guy!


2. Every Stud should be permanently equipped with a strap on that I am going to invent!! This new engineered phallus is going to act and behave like a real penis and you only get ONE that’s drawn by random selecting. It will be assigned by serial number so you can’t trade it in to get a bigger one later. If men can’t change their size right now, you shouldn’t be able to go buy a bigger didlo because you decided to sleep with a chick who is too big for your current strap on. There needs to be big-dicked and small-dicked studs. I am looking forward to the day a stud gets talked about at the office for having a small penis! If men are subject to this scrutiny due to no fault of their own, small dicked studs should be made of fun, too! Just play by the same rules!


3. My re-invented strap on will also have a timer on it that randomly determines a time where the unit goes soft in the middle of sex. It’s not fair for Studs to be able to brag that they fucked a girl all night! NO SHIT, you are fucking with plastic! It never goes soft!


4. My reinvented strap on will also have a place to ensure that Studs have the ability to pee through it! There is no reason a chick should be experimenting in order to avoid a guy that pees on the toilet seat. With my new invention, women will know that a stud will too!


5. The ability to get a woman pregnant and pay child support. My new reinvented strap on will also come pre-loaded with sperm so that a woman knows she might get pregnant by a Stud too! If a stud wants to assume all the pleasures of having sex with women, they should inherit some of the risks too!


6. The freedom for a man to hit a stud for pulling your man card. I would never condone a man hitting a woman; that is completely cowardly. The ONLY exception to the rule is that men should be just as free to hit a stud as they would another man. If a stud steps on your shoe or talks to your girl in the club, they should not be able to jump on the ”Don’t hit me, I am a girl” side of the fence to avoid physical confrontation. Being a man has its risks and rewards – do not accept all the rewards without accepting some of the risks too!


I know there are a lot of men out there who absolutely love lesbians and have either had their threesome, or out there trying to get one! I am sure you do not want to invite another woman into your bed who looks and acts like you! We love women who love women who look like women!

These studs are trying to play you! If they want to act like men and get the enjoyable Kitties we do, they should have to play by the same rules!!! A bear can’t truly disguise himself as a fish to hunt fish! A lion can’t go hide as a gazelle in order to eat gazelles.  There are certain rules of nature and I believe some studs violate those rules! Studs should not be able to act like Pussies to be able to get Pussy!




How to Fall Out of Love

12 Dec

falling out of love

Falling in love is simple. There is no specific formula to make love flourish between two people; it just happens. But, falling out of love proves to be more problematic. When someone that you love tells you that the relationship that you cherish is now over, it hurts. They expect for you to be mature and move on, but that is so much easier said than it is done. The bond that is created between two people in love is difficult to break. When a relationship has ended too prematurely, this is how you cope and fall out of love.

1. Cry – You are going to cry if you really loved your partner, and you should know that it is okay to emote. There is a cathartic release of emotion when you allow yourself to mourn the loss of a good relationship. Grieving is the first step towards moving back to some semblance of normality in your daily life. When you lose a significant other due to a bad break-up, it is very similar to losing a loved one to death. The loss is often unexpected and you are seldom prepared for the emotional onslaught that it inevitably brings. Permit yourself the grieving process and just know that this sorrow is just part of a phase. The mourning phase normally lasts half of the time of the relationship, meaning if you dated for one year, then you can expect to miss that person for at least 6 months.


2. Get rid of everything – Purge your home of all remnants of your past relationship. Erase your ex’s number from your phone. Promptly return all of their clothes and belongings. If there is anything that remotely reminds you of them, put it in a box and give it to them.  Remember that sock puppet he/she got you from Cozumel that smells like the sea shore? Throw that away immediately. Remove or burn all the pictures that you have of your former boyfriend/girlfriend. There should be nothing within eyesight that could make you reminisce about all the good times together. Your focal point at this stage is erasing any memories that he ever existed.


3. Occupy yourself – Keep yourself busy. Shifting your attention towards your career is ideal for moving past an ex lover. The time that was spent with your ex can be better utilized in the workplace. Go into work early and get started on your big presentation a few days before you regularly do. That early start will pay dividends in the end product of your project and in your coworkers opinion of you. Stay late and help your coworkers with their projects. The extra activity in the office will be well-appreciated and may even garner a promotion. An idle mind will invariably wander to your ex, so keep busy.

4. Occupy yourself a little more (with someone else) – This does not mean move ahead and start your next big relationship. You are not ready for a relationship, but you are ready for a little attention from the opposite sex. Whatever liaison you have with the next partner will ultimately fail despite the person being personable and attractive. If the perfect mate was introduced to you during the healing process of a break-up, they would go unnoticed. But, the rebound person serves a few purposes well.

  • They stop you from calling your ex because your attention is diverted towards new endeavors.
  • A new playmate may help you to relieve some sexual frustration
  • The right person can show you that you are capable of enjoying the company of someone other than your ex


5. Embrace the old relationship – After you have worked hard to forget the person that you loved, you will come to a point where you really appreciate all that you had. This may be started by a distant memory of time spent with your ex, or it may be that you found some old trinket that you failed to return to them. Following the months you of pushing old memories out of your head, you are now overrun with them. If you have mourned losing your relationship properly, then the pain of the break-up should not be as searing as it was before. In which case, you should embrace the opportunity that you were given to love another person. There are few things more rewarding than sharing time and experiences with a person that you love. You begin to see your past relationship in a different light.


6. Step into full reality – Realize that you may never stop loving your ex. When you truly love someone, you may never stop holding some affection for them. That does not mean that you want to try the relationship again. It simply means that, when you truly create a bond with someone, it does not break. Think of this connection like the bond between old friends. When you have a chance encounter with someone that you really befriended in your past, you pick up the friendship where you left it. With friends, there are no awkward refractory periods. Similarly, if you were connected to this person for an extended amount of time romantically that tie may never sever.


7. Grow – Use the experiences from your relationship to grow as a person and as a partner to your next lover. Once you have been removed from the initial hurt of your break-up, you can see with clarity the mistakes that you made in the courtship. Use your experiences as tools of growth.


8. Date – Get back in the saddle and actively date. You have gone through all of the stressful parts of losing someone that you loved. Now go find and enjoy the person that will adore you for loving you.

How Not to Get Traffic Tickets

11 Dec

ticket - radar

1. Do Not Be a Minority

Though minorities make up less than half of the population, they represent more than half of new traffic tickets. By the numbers, people of color get substantially more tickets than their Caucasian counterparts, so having a little less pigmentation is a successful plan for avoiding trouble with Johnny Law. Unfortunately, no one besides the late Michael Jackson had any control over their skin color, so if you are black or brown, then you are screwed.

2. Use Freeways As Much As Possible

The majority of tickets that are issued to civilians are not given to them on the freeways. The tickets that are given on the freeways are just the most visible ones. No, the vast majority of traffic tickets are given on the streets of metropolitan areas where officers can hide behind all the familiar landmarks of the city. Driving on the freeways hides you from the officers by keeping you in a pack of commuters unless you are driving obscenely fast or recklessly. So, stay on the interstates and obey speed laws.

3. Do Not Drive in Low Income Areas

The low income parts of the city are notoriously the high-crime areas. And, police are more present in areas where there is high-crime. Though no law enforcement agency will admit it, there are “routine” stops in those neighborhoods and the more chances you have to be stopped, the higher the chance that you will be ticketed.

This car is getting pulled over.

4. Do Not Have an Old Car

Policeman are trained to look for older model cars to stop. Apparently, people with old, beat-up cars are more likely to commit crimes like selling drugs or assault and battery. Or, it could be the fact that people with old cars are more likely to have more traffic infractions like expired registration or even warrants which means more money for the city.

5. Do Not Drive a Sports Car

Policemen are human beings, contrary to popular belief, and their eyes are drawn to the brightly colored sports cars just like average civilians. That, and people that drive sports cars usually drive fast.

6. Do Not Drive in the Fast Lane

Finally, do not speed in the fast lane. Policemen are sitting on the shoulder of highways, freeways, and streets with radar guns, waiting for people to get within range. Most of the tickets that people get are from moving violations that were given to people in the fast lane (over 70%).

7. Have Big Boobs

If all else fails, I hope that you are a cute girl with a huge rack. Believe it or not, they get fewer tickets.

not getting a ticket02This woman is never getting a ticket.

Classes That They Should Have Taught in College

10 Dec

cc - drinking games03

College is one of the most important times of most people’s lives. It is the period between adolescence and adulthood where men need special guidance to cruise through that period unscathed. Unfortunately, college does not offer courses that would really help students ease into this new transition. Here are the classes that every college should offer.

1.  Career Path 101

There are only two types of career choices in the adult world. There are jobs that pay very little money but are gratifying for their employees in other ways, and jobs that are completely stressful and boring that pay well. You have to decide which job you want. Is saving orphans while living in an efficiency apartment what you want to do for the rest of your life? Or, would you rather be a soulless drone in corporate America for the rest of your career and make over $60,000 as your yearly salary? There is no such thing as a dream job that pays well and satisfies all your emotional desires. You have to decide between making enough money to take month long vacations and hating your work, or loving everything about your occupation except the pay. No one tells you this in college.

2. Advanced Dating Studies 302

Many men have wasted months and even years of their lives talking to the wrong woman because they lacked the proper perspective on women. *There are two types of women in the world, women that you play naked crotch tag with and women with whom you actually hold meaningful conversation. And, there are many ways that guys confuse the two, including but not limited to: thinking that a beautiful woman is inherently an interesting person, thinking that good sex makes a woman more interesting, and thinking that a woman who is fun to talk to is fun in bed. None of these things are necessarily true. Gorgeous women are often boring because they have never had to carry a conversation. Overzealous suitors often do all the talking. Good sex should not bring a woman closer to being in a relationship. In general, a woman who is great in bed is either “experienced” or crazy. Crazy women have the best vaginas. The amount of crazy a woman has is directly correlated to how good she is in bed. It is a scientific fact.**And finally, women who are fun to talk to are not necessarily the most fun in the bedroom. Unfortunately, those two things are not at all related. There are plenty of quiet freaks in the bedroom – in fact, most super slutty girls do not look slutty – and there are plenty of interesting women who you would rather talk to than sleep with. If you find a woman that is both fun to talk to and great in bed, then you should marry her.

3. Remedial Cooking 011

Home economics classes are now non-existent, and it is to the detriment of our society. People do not know how to cook anymore. As a college student, you quickly learn that there is no chance that you will eat out for every meal unless you live with your parents. The answer to the old, ”What am I going to eat today?” question is answered by buying an expensive meal plan at the college, or learning how to cook your own food. Eating out can cost as much as 5 times the actual price of the food that you consume, and the school cafeteria normally costs double the price. It is more rewarding and economical to plan and make your meals rather than buy them. Knowing your way around a kitchen is invaluable in college, but today’s society is ill-equipped to cook their own meals. And ladies, knowing how to cook puts you ahead of all the other women in the catch a rich husband sweepstakes even though the wealthy rarely cook their own meals. .

4. Bedroom Dancing 401

Sex is a lot like ballroom dancing. The man usually leads, and he is responsible for the performance quality of the activity. But, though he has most of the responsibility, he is not the star of the show. Similarly to dancing, if the guy is in the spotlight, then the performance is typically bad. Sex is not about the guy. In sex and dancing, the entire activity revolves around the man’s ability to make the woman glow. A man’s ability to illuminate a woman’s performance in the bedroom or on the dance floor dictates whether the act was great, mediocre, or terrible. The man often controls how well the activity goes, but the woman is the star.

5. Drinking Games 210

There is no quicker way to become popular in college, than to be the reason that women take their clothes off. And, there is no quicker way to get ladies to disrobe in college than to know a few fun drinking games. There is strip beer pong, body shots, and a plethora of other games that involve women removing articles of clothing and drinking copious amounts of alcohol. Remember, the more that she drinks, the better you look to her. Someone should have taught that class.


6. Class Selection 101

No one tells college freshman how important it is to take the right classes that are being taught by the right professors. Most newcomers to college are thrown into classes haphazardly. They listen to counselors and take the first classes that are available at any given time period. But, doing well in college is as much about knowing which professors to take as it is about finishing your four year plan. Classes that are given by the head of the department are chock full of students who blindly add the class, and then quickly drop them after they find out how terribly that they are performing in the classroom. They waste their money on classes that they had no hope of passing in the first place. With this course, the right path for each student could be mapped out in their first year and followed to educational success.


7. Who To Date 103

When you first saw the hot blonde in her pink jumpsuit driving a baby pink Benz with matching interior, you thought, “God, she is hot! And, she has her shit together.” But, if you came to that conclusion, then you need this class. You would have come to two questions. ‘How could a teenager in college afford a custom Mercedez Benz? And, who bought it for her? Either she is a spoiled daddy’s girl who is selfish and deluded about how real life works the worst drug dealer ever, or a shallow, slutty trollop who boned some old guy to get the car of her dreams. And, those scenarios totally ignore the obvious defect of character that should be obvious when you see that type of car, immaturity. Who to Date 103 would teach college students about all the pitfalls that lie ahead in the serial dating that inevitably takes place in college. Lessons like ‘If He Lies About Little Things, Then He Lies About Big Things Too,’ and ‘She’s Probably A Slut,’ are sure to teach young daters who they should and should not be dating.

*Congratulations, you found the sexist statement of the month!

**It is not a scientific fact.