How to Break Up Gracefully
January 27, 2011
You have been dating your girlfriend for nearly a year now, and your infatuation with this hot, young woman is fading away rapidly. She almost never wears makeup now, she almost always wears the same hole-ridden, paint-stained jogging pants, and she does not always smell clean down there. You are at the juncture of the relationship where you have to make decision about your future together. What do you do? You break up with her as quickly as possible, but you need to step cautiously. What she says about you to the rest of the world depends solely on your handling of this delicate situation. Here’s how you make a break and save face.
1. Pick the location of the break-up conversation well – Never break up with someone at your home or at their place. Executing a break-up in a private setting is asking for a big waterworks display. There are several memories that are unique to your homes, and each one of those memories will come up continuously when you break the news. Find a place that is public, but quiet enough that any outbursts would be poorly received by the management of the establishment. If she still makes a scene, then you will have another reason that you should be together.
2. Have a game plan – When you get to the break-up locale, you should be ready to express all the reasons why the relationship will not work. This is not the time to “wing it.” In order to make a clean break, you have to give valid concerns with your relationship that she also thinks are detrimental to a healthy union. Remember to subtly mention all the extenuating circumstances that caused strife for her towards you in the relationship.
3. Do not disclose everything – Regardless of the reasons for the breakup, and even if she asks, do not disclose everything to her. No one wants to hear every deficiency that they have physically and emotionally when someone is rejecting them. These situations call for tact and delicacy. Do not blame her for the failure of relationship, simply state why it has not been working and why it can not work in the future.
This is what happens when you use “you.”
4. Do not use “you” – If you tell her, “You did this” and “you did that,” then you are alienating and blaming her for the break-up. Even if it is her fault, in a successful separation, she should not feel responsible. The entire conversation should focus on how “we” could not make it work. This makes you an ally rather than an enemy.
5. Do not use too much finality – Yes, the romance is over, but there is still a bond between the two of you. Explain that it is not a good idea to keep forcing the romance, but that you genuinely do care for her and want what is best for both of you.
6. Respect her wishes – She may want to call you later to talk about the break-up. Make yourself available. She may never want to talk to you again. Make yourself scarce. Since you are delivering the pain, you also have to dull the blow by being accommodating.
7. Get ready for the backlash – Very few relationships end without a little spat or a try at a re-connection. Be ready for it. Be firm in your stance on the relationship, but be gentle with her feelings.
This is what happens when you don’t listen