Mailbag – October 2010


by AFM Dear Answers From Men, My girlfriend is awesome and the light of my life, but she’s put on a bit of weight.  Between her eating more just being around me and us going to restaurants, her size is going in the wrong direction.  How do I bring this up and get her to do something about it without sounding like a complete jerk?

Dave; Orlando, Florida

You think you’ll sound like a jerk? Grow a pair and tell her that with her facial hair and the new beer belly, that she’s starting to resemble Jim Belushi with a goatee. Or, you could just tell her how much she’s beginning to look like her mom. If that doesn’t get her into a gym, nothing will. If you’d like to keep your girlfriend, you say that you want to start walking daily with her. It gives you more time with her and you both get healthier. It is the distance that you walk that determines the weight loss; you do not have to run, running just builds more muscle. Walking 30 minutes a day will give the average person substantial weight loss. Also, cooking regularly eliminates the excess fat that you receive from eating out. If your girlfriend refuses, sit her down, look into her eyes, smile gently, and tell her that you love her and want to spend as much time as possible with her. Then say that the way that both of you are eating and living will cut that time down considerably. Explain to her that, ”We need to take care of ourselves so we can enjoy our lives and each other.” Dear Answers From Men, I’ve been with my girlfriend for about a year now, and she’s really awesome.  I think I love her, and I want to tell her, but I’m conflicted.  I’ve always heard that guys shouldn’t say “I love you” first, plus, what if after I say it she doesn’t say it back?  What do I do?

Roger; Washington D.C.

Wait, are you 12 years old? If you love a woman, you tell her. There are some other issues here though. If you have dated a woman exclusively for a full year and neither of you have said that you love the other, then there is a serious problem in the relationship. Because I do not know the details of your relationship, I can’t give any specific prognosis, but I can give you 3 possibilities.  I think the best scenario for your relationship and the easiest problem to fix is if there is just a lack of communication. You should try to talk more and more clearly about what is happening in your lives, and how you feel about it. If communication does not improve and you want more from the relationship, try couples therapy, especially if there is constant bickering too. Another possibility, which is my prognosis for your situation, is that you have a lack of emotional intimacy. Yes, it is obvious given that you can’t tell each other how you feel and similar to communication, but intimacy involves vulnerability. And what is more vulnerable then confessing that you love someone? Telling someone that you love them exposes the your inner most feelings and opens you up to rejection. The worst case scenario is that she is infidelous. Good luck with that.


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