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People We All Hate

23 Jan

There are certain people that everyone hates.  Regardless of gender, color, creed, or age, these people make all of us sick.  There are a lot more than four, but I happened to encounter all of these illustrious citizens this past week, so my disdain for them is still fresh.

Preachy guy- On the 8th day God created this person and made them better than everyone else.  Not only is this person more morally, ethically, financially, and politically sound and pristine than everyone in the entire world, they are not shy about letting you know all about it.  We understand that cheeseburgers are bad for us, but you don’t have to quote the amount of saturated fat in every bite.  I’m sorry that I apparently don’t care about the environment because I don’t have paperless billing for all of my accounts, I get plastic bags from the grocery store, and I don’t use a carpool to get to work.  Please forgive me for not knowing how many congressmen are assigned to my state and the names of all the Supreme Court Justices.  My deepest apologies for referring to him as a janitor instead of a sanitation engineer.

Negative guy- We all understand that the economy sucks, we don’t need constant reminders.  This guy never has anything positive to say about anything…ever.  Instead of being thankful about having a job during these difficult times, this guy will always point out who has already been laid off and compares it to your situation.  Instead of congratulating you about buying a new car, this loser instead points out that new cars lose 15% of their value once they’re driven off the lot.  Happy about buying your first house? No, no, no.  Our favorite jerk mocks you because interest rates were better 6 months ago, and besides, who would ever buy a house in that school district.

Fake Christian- Last I checked, Jesus’ message was about peace and love, even if people don’t deserve it.  Fake Christian guy (similar to preachy guy) is a “better” person than you, and would never do those sinful things that you do.  They never drink, never curse, never lie, but they have no problem judging you for doing it.  Furthermore, even though they would never go to a bar, they have no problem driving faster than the speed limit or watching an R-rated movie.  Fake Christian guy is the poster child for hypocrisy, but it’s most annoying because they’re so vocal about your shortcomings.  The thing about Christianity is that there’s no real way to prove it per se.  Muslims, for example, are supposed to go to a quiet place to pray at certain times of the day.  If they’re never leaving to pray and/or you see them eating during Ramadan, they’re probably not really Muslims.  Orthodox Jews are keeping Kosher and Shabbat as instructed.  If you happen to see someone eating a McDonald’s double bacon cheeseburger and/or fixing their roof on a Saturday evening, they’re probably not really an Orthodox Jew.  In contrast, there is no real tell to see if someone is a Christian.  They can pray in a private place, but not at specific times like Muslims.  They may read the bible every day, but not necessarily in public view.  There’s no way to really know if that idiot who told you that you’re going to hell for drinking that champagne at the wedding has any more Christianity in their body than Osama bin Laden.

Inconsiderate driver- It’s very reassuring to know that a complete douche is control of a machine weighing 2-3 tons and traveling at 60 mph.  This horrible driver does things like bypass a long line of cars and tries to cut in at the very end.  Not only is this horribly inconsiderate, but it creates a huge traffic jam in the lane that they’re blocking as they wait to cut in front of someone in the other lane.  Other great things they do are turn right from the left lane, change lanes to get in front of you for no apparent reason (even though you’re going significantly faster than they are), keep their turn signal on forever, and drive the exact same speed as the car next to them so you can’t go around either car.  Their behavior is most bothersome because not only is it extremely selfish, it appears that they’re doing all this stuff just to be an annoyance.  When did driving become a competition instead of a mode of transportation?  The inconsiderate driver is much worse than a reckless driver because you can predict exactly what a reckless driver is going to do (namely drive too fast, weave in and out of traffic, get too close to the car in front of them, and not look before changing lanes).

Unintentionally annoying guy- This person doesn’t mean any malice with their idiocy, so it’s hard to truly hate them…but we still do.  This guy incessantly asks you questions during a movie, no matter how simplistic the plot line is.  There probably isn’t a racist bone in his body, but he’ll say “good morning” to his white colleagues and “what’s up” to his black co-workers.  Even worse, this is the same person who asks women who may not be able to shed their pregnancy weight “how far along are you?”  It’s not his fault for being a picky eater, but it takes this poor fellow forever to order food because he has to substitute everything because of his allergies and dietary restrictions.  Like I said, none of this is necessarily his fault, but it’s all just so annoying that you just have to hate him.

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