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But, Date These Women!

25 Jan

by Rodimus Dunn

There are very few certainties in life.  Some of these include: you have to pay taxes (unless you’re Wesley Snipes), you will be lied to by a politician, and every man wants a gorgeous woman on their arm.  Whatever our preferences are in women, we want one that has all of our favorite physical characteristics to be our leading lady.  This goes for all men with no exceptions (just ask Stevie Wonder).  A few other traits that all men agree that they want in their women are:

  • She has less bodily hair than we do
  • She cooks better than we do
  • She is actually a woman (not post sex change surgery or anything)
  • She likes to spend a lot of time in the bedroom … not sleeping

Here are a few more things that certain groups of guys require in their women:

  • She must be of the same religious faith- this is really important to some guys, but of course some guys couldn’t care any less about religion
  • She will be a good mother- many dudes don’t want kids, think it’s the woman’s job to take full responsibility of the kids, or don’t even think this far ahead
  • She has a good personality- this is so nebulous as everyone has a different definition of what this means, plus, many dudes don’t even care about this at all.  Many guys are basically just interested in having a mindless beauty queen next to them and trading up for the newest model when she/it’s available (like a new sports car or cell phone).

All that being said, we at Answers From Men will of course take the discussion one step further, and identify things that men should be looking for in their woman but usually don’t look for. By the way, if your girlfriend doesn’t have any of these traits, leave her immediately.

1.       Smart ones- Let’s be honest, all guys pride themselves on being funny and relish the opportunity to make their woman (and all other women) laugh.  Sometimes, due to maybe stress at work, a new baby preventing adequate sleep, mother-in-law visiting, or depression due to football season ending, the stand-up comedy act is on hiatus.  During one of those times we’re just too tired or frustrated to entertain or engage.  This is exactly when the smart woman comes in handy.  She can “entertain” herself by doing something intellectual like reading (not a tabloid magazine), watching the news, or inventing something, thus not expecting us to be the lead actor.  More importantly she won’t just talk about things that make us want to commit suicide like The Bachelor, Grey’s Anatomy, or Jennifer Aniston’s love life.  This wonderful woman will actually talk about something cool so we get the chance to not only learn something, but probably laugh also.  There is no downside to this.

2.       F.R.I.E.N.D.S.- This may sound asinine because everyone has friends, but there’s a period in many women’s lives when they feel friendless.  Either all their friends are married and they’re not (or vice versa), or all their friends have kids and they don’t (or vice versa).  At this point she constantly stews about having “absolutely no friends,” and sadly you, the boyfriend, become the BFF … bad times all around.  Be careful of the lady in this life stage transition unless you enjoy discussing things like purses, acrylic, scrapbooks, yoga, and/or The View. So fellas, when you meet a woman, be sure to ask about her friends, and proceed accordingly.  Don’t be dismayed if she always wants you to go out with her friends.  You may have to endure going out on a few double dates with her BFF and her super lame boyfriend who’s into collecting rocks and wears skinny jeans, but one bad evening is much better than having to come up with an excuse not to read the next chapter in Oprah’s book club selection every day.

make sure you’re not one of these six

3.       So fresh and so clean- Let’s be honest, not all women are clean, so if you are also not clean, you need to find a woman with a high clean standard unless you’re okay with living in filth.  Clean≠Clean, so it’s imperative to find a lady who’s standard of clean is at least the same or higher than yours is.  Some people need everything spotless, some just need everything off of the floor, some only want things out of their line of sight, etc.  Wherever you fall on the cleanliness spectrum make sure she’s within range of you because you probably don’t want to shave with a dirty diaper next to you on the bathroom counter if you’re a neat freak.  This should be fairly easy to discover.  Her place should be spotless the first few times you come over obviously.  Once she’s comfortable being “natural” with you, and doesn’t clean up every time before you come over, inspect her home and decide whether it’s something you can tolerate.  If you think her clean standard may be borderline, bear in mind it only gets worse as a couple because you have two people to clean up after (and then more when the kiddos start coming).

ladies love the Swiffer

4.       Make it rain- Similar to the cleaning issue money≠money.  It doesn’t matter who makes the most money (and yes fellas, its perfectly fine if your woman makes more money than you do), it’s about spending behavior.  If you’re frugal and she’s not (even if you do well financially) it’s going to bother you every time she brings home a new Coach purse or pair of Cole Haan’s. You think it’s important to save for a rainy day, but she’s all about carpe diem … recipe for failure.  In the same vein, if both of you are lavish spenders you’ll have fun maxing out credit cards together, but your grand kids will be less than pleased to be paying back all the debt you’ve accumulated.  Basically, if you’re a big spender, find a woman more frugal than you to help balance you out and teach you about saving.  If you’re all about fiscal responsibility, find a woman who also clings to those beliefs.  This is VERY easy information to find out about women.  Look at how they dress, their accessories, the foods they eat.  If she’s into things like Valentino, Gucci, anything organic, tartare, and German vehicles, but you’re more into JC Penney, McDonald’s, and BMX bikes, move on to the next one please.

champagne wishes and caviar dreams vs ramen noodles and tap water

5.       Girls just wanna have fun- Usually men and women have very different ideas of what fun is, but successful couples find a happy medium to make it work.  So in theory one wouldn’t think this is a big issue, but if one person always wants to go out, yet the other person is a home body, there are going to be some issues.  If one person loves traveling, but the other person is deathly afraid of flying, can’t you just imagine the looming arguments?  Once again guys, this is easy to decipher.  Women love to talk, and they love to talk about themselves.  Listen to what she says about what she does for fun.  If she’s all over town like Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton, but you’re normally curled up with a good book after the evening news, choose another.  If both of you enjoy hitting the streets like the Jersey Shore crew, go show her a good time as soon as you finish reading this.  Remember, if you pick a woman whose family spends every Sunday afternoon together playing board games and that makes you miss football, it’s your fault for not paying attention when she mentioned what she likes to do for fun.

6.       Waiting on the world to change- “Why’s she always trying to change me?”  “She’s gonna change the moment you put that ring on her finger buddy.”  If you’ve heard or said one of the above or any derivations of them welcome to manhood.  Sorry to break it to ya fellas, but your woman is going to change.  What’s worse is that some of this change is not going to be for the better, such as: more wrinkles, more weight, more stretch marks, more like her mother, and less sex drive.  It’s not easy to see all those negative changes and get unbridled excitement about the future, but women do change a lot for the better also: becoming a better cook, being a more seasoned mother to our kids, understanding and becoming a fan of our favorite sports, better at making us feel attractive despite our loss of romance, cacophonous snoring, continually growing gut, expanding baldness, growth of ear/nose hair, and impotence.  Men don’t typically notice those kinds of changes.  We notice the woman trying to change the way we eat, how often we go out, how we talk, how we dress, etc.  Believe it or not, you want a woman that wants to change subtle things about you (if she’s trying to change who you are as a person, that’s a different story entirely), it shows that she’s really into you!  She wants you to stop eating fast food, no fruits/veggies, and 3 times per week pizza because she wants you to be healthier and not have a heart attack in 5 years.  She wants you to be healthier so you can live longer, and grow old with her!  She wants you to go to the bar/club less because she doesn’t want you to find a young hottie (they know men are very visual creatures) or get paralyzed in a club fight or shooting.  She wants that so you can live longer and grow old with her!  They want us to stop cursing and talking like a high-school jock because they want us to be role models for how the kids they want us to have together should talk.  They want to change how we dress because they want us to wear what they think we look sexy in, and show off their man (just like how we want to show them off).  I say all of this to say if your woman doesn’t want to change anything about you she either doesn’t care about your long term future, she’s self absorbed, or she’s immature.

not all change is good

7.       Bottled bath water- Quite obviously every guy wants a “hot” woman on their arm.  Let’s be real, if the woman wasn’t pulchritudinous, there’d be no desire on the guy’s part to find out if she had a great personality or any of the stuff guys think about secondarily to looks.  One of these important traits is attractiveness.  There is a difference between being cute, hot, sexy, and attractive.  A woman can be cute but not sexy, cute but not hot, hot but not sexy, hot but not cute, or all of the above without being attractive (confused yet?).  An attractive woman takes a chunk of the looks of the cute woman, the body of the hot woman, and the confident allure of the sexy woman.  If you add in their ability to dress nicely (trust me, not all women know how to dress well), hold both intelligent and asinine conversations, and the wit to keep up with guy’s jokes, you have the blueprint to an attractive woman.  Guys often miss the attractive woman because they’re smitten by the allure of the sexy woman or the curves of the hot woman.  In addition, most guys don’t pay attention to how a woman dresses because they’re so caught up in what’s under her clothes.  Don’t be lured in by the Siren’s songs, keep a watch out for the attractive woman.  It may require a conversation or two to figure it out, but its well worth the trouble.

probably doesn’t qualify as attractive

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