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Things That Guys Hate 2011

9 May

1. Men hate watching hot women that run like they are physically or mentally challenged. These women are a train wreck. Men inevitably stare because the woman is beautiful, but can not look away once the spectacle begins. There is nothing more unattractive than a gorgeous woman that runs like she is in a full body seize/dry heave. Though the woman is physically appealing, men are repulsed by her complete lack of grace and coordination. People that do not know how to run properly should walk everywhere that they need to go, drive themselves, or have someone else drive them there.

2. A man’s first meeting with their girlfriends’ friends is always a horrible experience. One friend always makes it her personal crusade to make sure that the guy feels uncomfortable. She is usually the one friend that looks like a human-sized wart hog and is angry because men do not talk to her, or the hot friend that just broke up with her boyfriend after finding him in bed with the wart hog girl.

3. Meeting a woman’s best friend’s significant other is actually worst than meeting their best friend. Women do not mind meeting other women because at any moment, they could have a spat with one of their current ones, and lose the friend forever. Men are generally friends for life barring one guy sleeping with another guy’s girlfriend or wife. Men have the same group of friends from their childhood and do not want new ones.

4. Men hate feeling teeth on or near their “crotchal” region. These two things should never meet. Enough has been said about this subject.

5. Men hate any type of shower that does not involve soap and water, or strippers and “making it rain.” Baby showers, wedding showers, and bridal showers are for women. Stop attempting to make them coed ladies, we know who you are.

6. Men also despise people with Napoleon Complexes. It is not the rest of the world’s fault that you are tiny. Deal with it.

This is what men think when women tell them that they like sports.

7. We generally do not condone violence against ladies, but women that pretend to like sports are terrible people and should be summarily beaten with sticks. It is perfectly okay if you do not like sports at all, or are interested in them but do not understand them. Telling a man that you love to watch football and then playing on your cellphone during the big game is unacceptable behavior. Any man would happily watch the game with his buddies while you go shopping, or explain the game to his girlfriend if she wanted to learn about it. Just tell the truth.

8. Speaking of telling the truth, guys who pretend understand sports should just be shot. If you are a man that does not watch sports, either avoid sporting events altogether or if you go to the events, nod when someone talks to you, and keep your mouth shut.

9. Men hate the phrase, “We need to talk.” That phrase has never been followed by words like, “I have a million dollars for you,” or “I’ve arranged a chance encounter that involves you, Halle Berry, Angelina Jolie, and a hot oil massage.” It is always followed by some bad news. So, instead of prefacing the talk with that statement a week in advance, try to just “talk” about it when you have a chance.

10. Men also hate the phrase, “It is what it is.” We have been fed that garbage since we were children for any number of different times when we did not get what we wanted. Men are taught to suck it up, get past whatever is stopping our progress, and get the job done. We have learned what is expected of us, and do not need someone constantly stating the obvious to us.

No matter how hot a woman is, forearm hair is not okay.

11. Men hate women that do not shave. Yes, it is a pain to keep that forearm, underarm, bikini line, back hair, and mustache waxed, ladies. And yes, it is a humongous double standard, but life is not fair. If it were fair, I would be a millionaire and Donald Trump would be a mute, homeless vagrant. But, life is not fair ladies. It is what it is.

2 Responses to “Things That Guys Hate 2011”

  1. liz August 14, 2011 at 7:41 AM #

    learn proper grammar and punctuation and people might take you seriously.

    • AFM August 15, 2011 at 9:32 AM #

      Who are you? And, why should anyone care what you say? Oh, and was that grammatically correct and properly punctuated, “lizabeth”?

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