Summer 2011 Is Going to Be Awesome
by Rodimus Dunn
Summer doesn’t officially start until next week, but schools are out, it’s blazing hot outside, electricity prices are rising, and there have already been bikini sightings. I’m excited about what’s to happen in the next 2 months because June 2011 has been awesome, and it still has 2 weeks left. Here are some of the highlights men have experienced from this epic 6th month of the year.
Great NBA Finals- The Dallas Mavericks’ championship run wasn’t the best Finals ever as some people argue, but it had so many great storylines.
-Lebron’s “checking out” and postgame comments have turned more analysts, pundits, and talking heads into psychologist than maybe any other sports story in recent (or distant) memory.
-Cleveland fans possibly being even happier than Mavericks fans.
-People finally realizing how great Jason Kidd was, even though he’s not all that good now. Amazingly he’s 2nd in career assists, 3rd in 3pointers made, and 3rd in steals.
-The series loser getting much more press than the actual winner.
-Mark Cuban will now be unfiltered indefinitely.
-A guy with an Abraham Lincoln tattoo on his neck (Deshawn Stevenson) gets to hold the Larry O’Brien trophy for the 1st time ever.
-The proverbial NBA alpha dog is a big, dorky German guy in an almost exclusively African-American league.
Pretty good Stanley Cup Finals- Whether one likes hockey or not, any sports fan should be able to appreciate the intensity of playoff hockey. Nothing matches up to a game 7 in any sport, so a playoff season with no Sidney Crosby or Alex Ovechkin theatrics may get a mea culpa. This series hasn’t been very compelling, but the stakes were high because a Canadian team had a chance to win the title for the 1st time since 1993. Obviously this means next to nothing to most Americans, but to our neighbors to the north it was so important they started rioting after the game. Some have argued that the riots would have taken place even if Vancouver would won the cup, but that’s hard to believe. Canada loses again, and Boston wins the cup for the 1st time in almost 40 years. Most importantly, the riots provided the best “make love not war” picture in decades.
Yoga pants- This has nothing to do with summertime, but more and more women are starting to wear these around town. The wonderful bottoms are quite form-fitting, so they can really accentuate every curve a woman has below the belt. They’re not as awe inspiring as a great summer dress, but yoga pants are certainly a fad that I can get behind.
Anthony Weiner- This story is far too good to make up. A dude with his last name and occupation honestly thinks he can get away with sexing?! To make matters worse for this guy is that his wife serves as deputy chief of staff for Hillary Clinton. Our honorable Secretary of State was infamously scorned from public sexual discretions by her prominent husband, so Weiner has someone with a PhD in misandry coaching his wife every day on how to make his life a living hell.
Weiner’s already lost his job, but he should be more concerned with Hill-Rod helping him lose his wife
Saving money at the movies- I grew up in the generation when comic books were all school aged boys cared about. Initially movie production companies used this demographic as a target for their comic book movies, now the target is mainstream America. Most of these movies suck, so I get to save a lot of money this summer because almost all of the blockbusters involve some Marvel or DC storyline. I refuse to spend $15 per ticket on Thor, The Green Lantern, Captain America, or another attempt at X-men. If one considers the cost of a date’s tickets or popcorn, etc, I’m going to be about $100 richer this summer.
