by Rodimus Dunn
10. Jose Lima- RIP to a good ball player and seemingly a great person. Lima makes this list only because he became a parody of himself. If you watch him sing A cappella, his voice is actually incredibly good. He was a natural performer and had fantastic appeal, but almost everything he did seemed in jest. In addition, when you sing and dance during Casa Ole commercials, it’s very hard to take any other performance seriously. If Lima Time wasn’t a professional baseball player he may have actually had a career as a performer.
9. Iverson- The Answer, aka Jewelz, recorded a song in 2000 titled 40 Bars, but it was never released. The profane and homophobic lyrics caused the NBA to halt the project, and the world is better for it. The beat is good, but incredibly generic. There’s nothing positive to say about the lyrics or the skill of the rapper, so we should all give a round of applause to David Stern. Jewlez rap career is yet another example of a basketball player trying to be a rapper, yet failing miserably.
8. Kobe Bryant- Mamba may be one of the best basketball players ever, but those skills don’t translate to the recording studio. He released an album in 2000 that was a compilation of nonsense, crap, and garbage. He raps in English and Italian (not a good mix), and he has a duet with Tyra Banks (also not a good mix). The person in Sony who green-lighted this project should have been executed.
7. Deion Sanders- In the 1980s Primetime couldn’t lose, so in addition to being a two sport star, he decided to try rapping. His 1st song “Must Be the Money” is completely regrettable, but the video rates a perfect score on the unintentional comedy scale. Strangely enough someone thought it would be a good idea to green light a rap song on the Street Fighter movie soundtrack featuring MC Hammer and Deion Sanders. The song, “Straight to My Feet,” has no memorable qualities, but the video is a must watch to see Jean Claude van Damme try to dance to hip hop (like its 1989).
6. Oscar De La Hoya- The Golden Boy was a great fighter, is a great entrepreneur, but was not a great singer. He released a bilingual album in 2000 that included plenty of sappy ballads and obviously doctored vocals. His 1st single was Bee Gees remake “Run to Me.” World class boxers should never sing power ballads, especially ones that have lines like: “am I unwise to open up your eyes to love me?”
5. Roy Jones Jr. – For those who are lucky enough to not remember any of this talented boxer’s music, consider it a blessing. Jones would regularly enter the ring to his own horrible music, but it didn’t matter because he would usually just completely outclass his opponent. His music was terrible, and now that he’s 42 years old, his boxing is just as terrible. His most famous work “Ya’ll Must’ve Forgot” is a microcosm of the rest of the awful CD.
4. The Super Bowl Shuffle- The Chicago Bears introduced the world to the Super Bowl Shuffle prior to demolishing New England in the big game back in 1985. The song features horrible attempts at rapping by musical luminaries such as Sweetness, Speedy Willie, Samurai Mike, The Fridge, LA Mike and the punky QB. Proceeds for the video went to various local charities, but that doesn’t excuse the pitiful lyrics, campy video set up, and egregiously awful lip syncing.
3. Many Pacquiao- I think this was covered in the De la Hoya piece, but to reiterate, boxing legends should not sing power ballads in public. Pacquiao appears to take singing seriously as he sings difficult love songs, and he does it frequently. Pac Man fanatics are going to cheer him whether his rather untrained voice breaks glass or not. I’m a fan of his boxing acumen, but I could live without him trying to cover John Lennon.
2. Shaq- He actually has 5 studio albums to his credit. Sadly, they’re all terrible. The self proclaimed GOAT even had a record label titled TWISM, although it went eventually under (probably because he couldn’t really rap). The Big Aristotle pulled out a microphone and rapped at every possible opportunity, and most of those were failed endeavors, including probably his “best” song. I will give him credit for causing a stir with an impromptu rap roasting of Kobe Bryant while at a show in New York.
1. Carl Lewis- Lewis will forever wear the crown of worst sports singer of all time. He never released an album, but he did enough damage when he absolutely desecrated the National Anthem in 1993. Sadly, that doesn’t end the abuse Lewis applied to America’s ear drums. A video previously posted to his website called Break It Up is not only painful to hear, but is also very, very creepy.