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People Who Should Shut Up 2011

18 Jul

Most Americans have a firm belief in freedom of speech. It is one of the primary rights that the Constitution and our nation was founded on. People regardless of their message have the authority to express themselves with no detrimental effects. It separates America from the rest of the world, and showcases it as a real democracy where even the smallest voices must heard. However, there are a few people in this world that have abused this platform regularly, and they need to just shut up.

1. Donald Trump – Trump, you pulled out of the presidential election recently and followed that withdrawal with a statement that, if you had stayed in the race, you would have won the presidency. Like the average New Yorker, you over-value yourself or you are too insecure to tell the truth. You left the race, because you alienated half of your Republican party and realized that you needed them behind you in order to win just the Republican nomination. It probably also occurred to you that if you lead a witch hunt against the reigning president who happens to be a Democrat, then you probably alienated the Democratic party too. Guess what? America knows that you screwed up, so you do not have to pretend to be in a power position and try to convince them of your worth. In fact, America, in general, does not like you. The ratings for your show, has been in a steady decline. They are tired of your contrite little lines like “You’re Fired!”, your ever-expanding arrogance, and your awful hair. Shut up.

2. Joan Rivers – Yes Joan, you were a pioneer for comediennes. You are hilarious and mean enough to say whatever crosses your mind which are probably the two largest attributes that a comic has to have. However, the fact that you have a show where you talk about people’s gaudy outfits and bad plastic surgery is like the pot calling the kettle “hypocritical”. You have had more surgeries than train wreck victims and are still less recognizable than most of them are. Half of the dresses are so shiny that people want to hang you on to the ceiling in gay clubs. Your moment in the sun has ended. Shut up.

3. Al Sharpton – The world gets it, Al. You marched with Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. That does not make you an expert on politics, world economics, or even corruption in the police force. It just makes you a guy who followed a great man. You have ridden Dr. King’s coattail long enough. There are literally thousands of people who can say the same thing. Half of your public statements are based in ignorance and the other half were given unprompted. Shut up.

4. Sheila Jackson Lee – You have mastered the art of talking without saying anything. If there is a camera in the building, then you will find it and make a hour long statement. These two things should never exist in the same vicinity. As a representative of the house, you made a career by being in the right place at the right time rather than making sound political decisions. If not for your continuous work in the community, there would be no reason for you to hold office. Shut up.

5. Anthony Weiner – How in the hell does a guy who grew up with the last name “Weiner” not know that he should keep his clothes on? If any person with the last name Weiner exposes himself in public or on camera, the news media has to make it known worldwide out of principal. Then, on top of being caught with your pants down, literally, you say that you intend to keep your office and run again. You have done nothing of note politically. Your career is based on being wholesome. You are the Tiger Woods of politics, without the winning, the money, or the fame. Even if you had some political savvy – which you do not – then you should know that thinking of your next term was too soon. Shut up.

6. Justin Bieber – You are the cutest lesbian in the world. Disney kids love you and so do grown women. You are absolutely adored by the mainstream, and you have a little street cred because you are managed by Usher. You were a millionaire at the age of 14. You have a girlfriend who is older than you and makes almost as much money as you. The world is your oyster at the ripe old age of 17. However, being wholesome and loved by fans for your musical prowess does not give you the right to express your views on abortion or rape. When someone asks you a question about those subjects, say that you do not have an opinion. You probably were not misquoted when you asked if they meant “killing babies?”, and your remarks were offensive even though you probably should not have been asked those questions at such a young age. Being famous does not give you the right to impose your beliefs on others. Being famous is a great privilege, and a person that wants to keep making money at the same rate that you have been making it, should shut up.

7. Scottie Pippen – You played next to the best player that professional basketball has ever seen, and you won six championships playing in his shadow. Every time that you and Michael Jordan reached a NBA Finals, you won a NBA championship ring, and he was the best player on the court though he played with and against Hall of Fame players in each contest. How could you say that LeBron James is the best basketball player ever? When you disagreed with Jordan for playing too hard against some of your teammates during a practice, he turned his fury towards you, one of the best defenders that has ever played in the NBA, and dunked on you until he had his fill. How can you, who personally witnessed his natural talent, his immense skill set, and his incredible desire to win, say that anyone other than him is the best player ever? LeBron James has never won anything at the professional level. Yes, taking the Cleveland Cavaliers to the NBA Finals was great, but they lost. He took the Miami Heat to the NBA Finals this year, and he was not even the best player on his team. By the way, they lost in the Finals too. So, LeBron, your pick for best player in NBA history, has now lost twice in the Finals. And, not only did he lose in the Finals, he melted under the pressure of the limelight. Jordan averaged 33.6 points per game in the course of 6 NBA Finals. In Lebron’s last one, he averaged 18. He is not close to being the best player in NBA history. Shut up.

8. Jesse Jackson – You have said that Cleveland Cavaliers owner, Dan Gilbert’s comments about LeBron James, “personify a slave master mentality,” and that he was treating LeBron like a “runaway slave”. You allegedly called the current president of the United States a “no good, half-breed nigger,” and you said, “I wanna cut his nuts off.” You have also allegedly harassed a former gay employee pretending to be interested. Jealousy never looks good on anyone, especially on a “Christian” public figure. What would Jesus do, Jesse? If I had to guess, he probably would not cut off anyone’s balls. Like Al Sharpton, your “I marched with MLK” pass is over. Shut up.

9. Ann Coulter – We get it Ann, you are right-winged. You attacked Bill Clinton for an affair that had no affect on his ability to run the country, and revered Ronald Reagan for playing hardball with Gorbachev. You have written a book saying that Democrats are stupid because they are not Republicans, and another saying that Liberals are Godless. You dislike women who are not always “made up” (possibly because you might look like a skeleton with blonde hair and brown roots), and you hate Mexican immigrants. I am all for a woman with a mean sense of humor, but you tend to step into issues of ethnicity pretty often. One questionable comment about specific people does not make you a bad person, but several comments are indicators of your lack of character. The entire world of politics does not boil down to race and religion, Ann. And, some of the conservatives who should support you, are getting tired of your simple-minded act. Please, shut up.

10. John Mayer – You are a hell of a musician. There are¬†only a few guitarists that come close to your skill with the strings. There are probably only a few that can match your prowess with the ladies. But, what moves you to think that you should talk about sleeping with them? When you open your mouth, strange things come out. Sometimes they are simplistic and moronic lyrics like “Your body is a wonderland.” Sometimes its dropping the N-bomb. Other times, you just say things like Jessica Simpson is like “sexual napalm.” You should not be allowed to form sentences. Shut up.

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