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August 2011

29 Aug

The definition of wishful thinking.


Dear Answers From Men,

Not that I’m disappointed about the fall of Tim Tebow (because I have Brandon Lloyd as one of my fantasy football keepers), but has anyone had the rug ripped from under them quite like he has?  Do people just hate him because he’s just too good to be true?

Gilbert; Denver, Colorado

I am sure that Tim Tebow is a good person. He seems like the type of guy that is untainted by the world, innocent and pure. However, a member of the media said publicly that he met Tebow and that he was a better person for it….when Tebow was in college. The love affair is over. First, there is a naivety about him that is refreshing. He says that he is going to work harder than anyone to better himself in his profession. That is great, but unfortunately Tebow does not have the skill set to be a good NFL quarterback. He is dreadfully inaccurate, he has a long delivery, and he does not understand the complex, professional style offenses. It is hard to feel bad for a guy that is a millionaire who is as famous as the Beatles, but I actually do. He has to come to terms with failure for the first time in his life. In all his grade school years and in college, he was bigger and better than everyone that he faced. In the pros, he is just another one of the guys and he may have to change positions just to stick in the NFL. Tim Tebow did not put himself on a pedestal, though he did relish in it a bit; the media put him there. And, his fall is not at all his fault. It is the fault of the people that idolized him and pushed him into the limelight despite the obvious flaws in his game.


Dear Answers From Men,

What’s the real protocol for engagement rings in the event of a breakup?  I know that there are some legal precedents, but what’s the real deal?  Does she have to give it back?  Does she get to keep it no matter what?  Does she pawn it and the two people split the money?  And is there a lamer way to propose than to mail your girl the ring?

Ernest; Corsicana, Texas

Ernest, the rule is simple. The engagement ring should be given back to the prospective groom in most cases. The engagement ring is a symbol of love, fidelity, and security from that man given to a women in exchange for a promise of love, fidelity, and respect. If a woman decides that the she does not want to marry the guy or they mutually agree to separate then, then she should return the ring to him. If the guy decides that he wants to leave the relationship, then he is completely within his rights to ask for the return of his ring, although it makes him look like a douche. The only reason that a man forfeits his right to his engagement ring is if he cheats on his fiancee. In that case, the ring is a parting gift.


Dear Answers From Men,

I can’t get on an internet news site without being inundated with “news” about Jennifer Aniston and her new boyfriend, Kim Kardashian or one of her stupid sisters, or some nonsense about the newlywed royal family in England.  If you had a choice, to make one of these disappear, who would you choose first?

Jackie; Athens, Georgia

That is the reason why real men do not watch the news, Jackie. The news is exactly the same every day with the exception of those “news” stories about celebrities. Anyone can tell you what is going to happen on the news without ever watching it. Somebody was shot and maybe killed, there was a fire near you or someone that you know, and it is nearly September so a hurricane is going to hit a coastal city. Everything else is tripe. But, I digress…the Royal family is only interesting if they have an open relationship. Kate Middleton is hot and how many people can say that they slept with a princess? If there was a mute button in real life, then the Kardashian sisters would be significantly more tolerable, but they all are fairly attractive women. Which means that Jennifer Aniston is the person who should disappear from the public eye as soon as possible. America was on her side when that hot temptress, Angelina Jolie, stole Brad Pitt from her. Men soon became witnesses to her ongoing fight against bras and gravity….she is winning both battles by the way. But, Jennifer Aniston has gone braless so many times that men are actually growing tired of looking at her nipples poke through her shirt. Having to watch lame romantic comedies with our girlfriends where she plays a clueless girl who cannot seem to pull it all together and somehow finds love anyway, is getting old. So is Jennifer Aniston. Instead of Jennifer simply disappearing though, we should get her, Cher, Julia Roberts, and Meryl Streep together on the set of a romantic comedy and set it on fire. Their sacrifice is worth the demise of the romantic comedy and it would be cool to turn a rom-com into an action movie just once.


Not too bad if you know how to work the mute button.


Dear Answers From Men,

My buddies and I were trying to think of the greatest ever sports debates:

1. Brady or Manning?

2. Magic or Bird?

3. Is Serena Williams hot or a man?

4. More annoying fans, Yankees or Red Sox

5. Crosby or Ovechkin?

Have we left any out?

Mervin; Sioux City, Iowa

Instead of telling you all the best sports debates, I’m going to upgrade some of your questions. I’ll start with the two most debatable questions first. Magic or Bird is actually one of the greatest sports debates. Magic dominated by distributing. Bird did it with scoring. However, both of them could actually score and distribute. They both won multiple championships and MVP’s. They both hold NBA records and were years ahead of their time. Their rivalry paralleled and then transcended their teams rivalries. But a debate that no one touches is, “Who is the best basketball player of all-time, Michael Jordan or Wilt Chamberlain?” Next up is Serena. My vote is for hot by the slimmest of margins. She has her bad days, but that Espy’s dress was devastating. The Yankees and Red Sox fans rivalry is not close to that  of the Barcelona and Real Madrid fans in fanaticism or annoyance. Baseball fans fight each other, but soccer fans kill each other. Crosby versus Ovechkin is similar to the LeBron versus Carmelo debate. Crosby is more polished, but Ovechkin is more physically gifted. Brady versus Manning is a non-issue unless Brady wins another championship. Brady has more rings, but Peyton has done things that no other QB has ever done. Manning versus Marino is a better debate. But, the ultimate quarterback debate is Montana versus Marino. Then, there are other football debates like best defense ever, Bears ’86, Tampa Two, or Steel Curtain of the 70′s, or Barry Sanders versus Walter Payton.

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