Classes That They Should Have Taught in College
November 18, 2011
College is one of the most important times of most people’s lives. It is the period between adolescence and adulthood where men need special guidance to cruise through unscathed. Unfortunately, college does not offer courses that would really help students ease into this new transition. Here are the classes that every college should offer.
1. Career Path 101
There are only two types of career choices in the adult world. There are jobs that pay very little money but are gratifying for their employees in other ways, and jobs that are completely stressful and boring that pay well. You have to decide which job you want. Is saving orphans while living in an efficiency apartment what you want to do for the rest of your life? Or, would you rather be a soulless drone in corporate America for the rest of your career and make over $60,000 as your yearly salary? There is no such thing as a dream job that pays well and satisfies all your emotional desires. You have to decide between making enough money to take month long vacations and hating your work, or loving everything about your occupation except the pay. No one tells you this in college.
2. Advanced Dating Studies 302
Many men have wasted months and even years of their lives talking to the wrong woman because they lacked the proper perspective on women. *There are two types of women in the world, women that you play naked crotch tag with and women that you actually hold meaningful conversations with. And, there are many ways that guys confuse the two, including but not limited to: thinking that a beautiful woman is inherently an interesting person, thinking that good sex makes a woman more interesting, and thinking that a woman who is fun to talk to is fun in bed. None of these things are necessarily true. Gorgeous women are often boring because they have never had to carry a conversation. Overzealous suitors often do all the talking. Good sex should not bring a woman closer to being in a relationship. A woman that is great in bed is either “experienced” or crazy. Crazy women have the best vaginas, it is a scientific fact.**And, women that are fun to talk to are not necessarily the most fun in the bedroom. Those things are not at all related. If you find a woman that is both fun to talk to and great in bed, then you should marry her.
3. Remedial Cooking 011
Home economics classes are now non-existent, and it is to the detriment of our society. People just do not know how to cook anymore. As a college student, you quickly learn that there is no chance that you will eat out for every meal unless you live with your parents. The answer to the old, ”What am I going to eat today?” question is answered by buying an expensive meal plan at the college, or learning how to cook your own food. Eating out can cost as much as 5 times the actual price of the food that you consume, and the school cafeteria normally costs double the price. It is more rewarding and economical to plan and make your meals rather than buy them. Knowing your way around a kitchen is invaluable in college, but today’s society is ill-equipped to cook their own meals.
4. Bedroom Dancing 401
Sex is a lot like ballroom dancing. The man usually leads, and he is responsible for the performance quality of the activity. But, though he has most of the responsibility, he is not the star of the show. Similarly to dancing, if the guy is in the spotlight, then the performance is typically bad. Sex is not about the guy. In sex and dancing, the entire activity revolves around the man’s ability to make the woman glow. A man’s ability to illuminate a woman’s performance in the bedroom or on the dance floor dictates whether the act was great, mediocre, or terrible. The man controls how well the activity goes, but the woman is the star.
5. Drinking Games 210
There is no quicker way to become popular in college, than to be the reason that women take their clothes off. And, there is no quicker way to get ladies to disrobe in college than to know a few fun drinking games. There is strip beer pong, body shots, and a plethora of other games that involve women removing articles of clothing and drinking copious amounts of alcohol. Remember, the more that she drinks, the better you look to her. Someone should have taught that class.
6. Class Selection 101
No one tells college freshman how important it is to take the right classes with the right professors. Most newcomers to college are thrown into classes given by the head of the department and quickly drop them after they find out how terribly that they are performing in the classroom. They waste their money on classes that they had no hope of passing in the first place.
*Congratulations, you found the sexist statement of the month!
**It is not a scientific fact.