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December 2011

21 Dec

Thanks for all your questions and support in 2011.  We at Answers From Men wish everyone happy holidays and a happy New Year!  In the final mailbag of 2011 we want to test our skills of clairvoyance.  With the following issues that involve sports colliding with law we look into our crystal ball and predict how things will turn out in 2012 …


Dear Answers From Men,

Texas Govenor recently said that he hopes to be the Tim Tebow of the Iowa caucuses.  Do you think he has a shot to win the GOP nomination, and if he does, is it possible he could defeat Obama in a general election?  Also, it’s obvious that Tebow is slowly becoming better as a passer, but is it enough for him to have sustained success in 2012?

Tucker; Pueblo, Colorado

Well Tucker, it is hilarious that he compared himself to Tim Tebow, because that is exactly who he is as a politician. Tebow is a mediocre player at his position that is afforded a great many privileges because of his religion, his charisma, and his ability to connect with common people. Perry is a average politician that has done nothing of real merit, but connects with people through his religion and strong convictions. Tebow is terrible at passing, Perry is terrible at passing bills. He has a small shot at winning the presidency, but not because of anything that he has done. His fate lies in the hands of the opposition. If Obama falters, then Perry could fall backwards into the position of World’s Most Powerful Man. Similarly, Tebow’s fate lies in the hands of the opposing offense. If the other team score 20 points, then the Broncos lose. Tebow is improving as a passer, however it is next to impossible undo 20 years of terrible passing.



Dear Answers From Men,

Kobe Bryant went to Germany this summer to have a procedure done to his right knee, his wife filed for divorce earlier this week, the Lakers traded Lamar Odom to the champion Dallas Mavericks for basically nothing, and apparently Pau Gasol is still upset about the failed Chris Paul trade.  Which do you think is going to have a worse 2012, Kobe and the Lakers on the court, or Kobe’s bank account in the court room?

Stan; Riverside, California

The Lakers are in trouble this year. It started with the hiring of Mike Brown. Though his team’s defense is always good, he is just a glorified assistant coach who took this job with a couple of strikes against him. Strike 1. His stint in Cleveland with two-time MVP LeBron James was underwhelming to say the least. Strike 2. The Laker’s lost their most versatile player, Odom, and missed out on the league’s best point guard all while pissing off their second best player. Strike 3. The Laker’s didn’t tell Kobe, their best player, that they were hiring Mike Brown. He found out from watching television. Still, Kobe’s finances are going to be in worst shape. His bank account is in for a shock. Divorcees are capable of taking half of the assets in any marriages. Vanessa has a laundry list of things to throw at Kobe including a affair that started initially as a rape case. She isn’t working, so he has some serious alimony to pay. He has two children with her and is always traveling with the Lakers, so he’ll be paying exorbitant child support for at least the next ten years. Kobe definitely going to lose some serious money unless he has an iron-clad prenuptial agreement.


Guess Mamba wasn’t that sorry afterall


Dear Answers From Men,

Jerry Sandusky’s lawyer said this week that his client worked with troubled youth, and many of them don’t know how to engage in proper hygeine.  Sandusky was merely showing them how to shower adequately.  In addition, Sandusky’s wife says that she stands by her husband, and that he did nothing wrong.  Lastly, Joe Paterno’s grand jury testimony was read for the first time, and he states that he didn’t tell his superiors immediately because he didn’t want to ruin their weekend!  When did State College Pennsylvania become the Twilight Zone, and do you think there’s any way Sandusky escapes jail time in 2012?

Morgan; New Bedford, Massachusetts

Sandusky is going to escape jail time in 2012, solely because his lawyers will push back court dates as often as they can. He will spend time in jail eventually though. That hygiene excuse has to be the worst excuse for any wrong-doing in the last century. There was an eye witness to his crime who has no motive for attacking him. There was a cover-up at the school to shield the tragedy from the public and save the jobs of the administration. Even his wife had a few incendiary comments. Sandusky is probably going to have his hygiene checked in some community showers with people that are bigger than him pretty soon.


Dear Answers From Men,

After 8 years and literally tens of millions of US tax dollars, Barry Bonds has been convicted.  His punishment for all that time and money is 30 days of house arrest, 250 hours of community service, and 2 years probation.  And people wonder why the economy is in the tubes.  At any rate, do you think next year Roger Clemens will get off with a similar “punishment?”

Mitch; Arlington, Texas

Of course Roger Clemens is going to get the same deal or better, because he is actually beloved by the common man. Bonds, to his detriment, was aloof and abrasive with regular people and he didn’t see any jail time. The only way that Roger Clemens gets a harder sentence than Barry Bonds is if the prosecution can prove that Clemens committed perjury too. Bonds was at least smart enough not to comment on the case in public. But, you touched on a more important subject with the millions of tax dollars that are being spent to pursue “justice” against baseball players. This is the biggest waste of tax payer money in a the last two decades. These players are wealthy and can afford the best defense teams. Their attorneys push back court dates and do whatever they can to keep their clients out of jail. The money that was spent on this case could have been used to build a new jail which would create jobs for the economy and keep real criminals off the streets. These cases are a joke.


Picture me rolling bitches (after my 30 days house arrest of course)!!!


Dear Answers From Men,

National League MVP Ryan Braun has reportedly failed a drug test and per the CBA he will have to miss the first 50 games of the season.  This is huge news for baseball because Braun is one of the faces of the game AND he has played his whole career after baseball’s new drug testing policy was developed in 2006.  Braun’s camp says that “There are highly unusual circumstances surrounding this case which will support Ryan’s complete innocence and demonstrate there was absolutely no intentional violation of the program.”  Do you think the positive ruling will be upheld and he’ll miss games in 2012?

Arnold; Tacoma, Washington

Under normal circumstances, I would tend to think that Braun would serve a healthy portion of his suspension and then appeal the process like so many other players have before him when they have been found guilty of using banned substances. However, with the very public cases of steroid use and the fact that the banned substance list has been around for an extended time now, he will probably be forced to serve the entire suspension. If the NL MVP is excused from his positive drug test then baseball will lose some of the credibility that it gained with such a hardline stance on more stringent drug testing. Separate reports stated that Braun’s testosterone levels were as high as five times that of an average person and twice as high as any athlete that had been tested at the facility. I think Braun is screwed.

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