Answers From Men

January 25, 2012

She is going to sleep with your man.

All men are not dogs, and most men will not cheat on their women (or at least half of them will not according to the statistics). However, some men will cheat and when they do, it will be with a woman that is uglier than their girlfriend of wife. There are myriad of reasons why this happens and the most popular ones are listed below.

1. He has seen it all – “Behind every beautiful woman is a man who is tired of sleeping with her.” The old adage is true. Regardless of how eye-searingly hot any woman is, the man that she has been in a relationship with for a few years knows every physical flaw and emotional insecurity that she has. He knows that she a mole under her left breast that looks like Abraham Lincoln and one under the right one that looks like George Washington. He calls them “presidential” boobs and they laugh about it together. He knows that she has stretch marks on her hips and weird obsession with cashews. To him the facade of hotness has worn off. A man who is happy in his relationship is endeared to his woman for these things, but a man who wants out of the relationship is looking for something new. And the unattractive woman is marketing is not pretty, but she has some serious curves.

2. The ugly chick has a good personality – The ugly chick is always attentive to a man’s needs. You bombard him with the menial problems of your day the second that he hits the door. Your mom is so selfish. Jane is a slut. Your boss hates you. The ugly chick gives him a hot cooked meal, an attentive ear, a back massage, and a crotch massage. She knows that your guy works hard and that he does not want to listen to everything that is wrong in your life the second that he gets home. He has his own problems. She has spent time getting to know men and what they like, because sex was not always on the table between her and every guy with whom she was interested. She seems to always be in a good mood, she knows sports, and she can be one of the guys. The ugly chick is just as likely to crack a dirty joke as she is to laugh at one that a guy said. She is just fun to be around.

The first way to a man’s heart.

3. She can cook – The ugly girl can cook. And that does not mean she occasionally makes spaghetti and meatballs from a can. She cooks a homemade meal every time that your man comes to her house. She has some meat, something starchy, vegetables, and bread. The best make their own bread from scratch. Ugly girls were home cooking and taking care of their families while their cuter counterparts were out on dates. They know their way around a kitchen.

4. She is better in bed – When is the last time that you gave your man a hummer just for coming home? When is the last time that you surprised him by pulling him into a public restroom for a quickie? When is the last time that you put your hand in his lap under the dinner table? The ugly girls know the answers to these questions. She is just as excited about sex as your man is. She knows the second way to a man’s heart is through the bedroom. When a man is overrun with hot sexual encounters, he can not concentrate on anything else. Ugly girls know this. When you are thinking, “Oh, it’s Saturday night, time to eat out,” the ugly girl is thinking “Oh, it’s Tuesday afternoon, Randy is coming over. I better get the lube, find some peanut butter, and call that cute dwarf woman we met at the swingers club.” Ladies, it hard to compete with that woman. The ugly woman will do things to him in the bedroom that he never imagined that he would like. She is open to new things, and she tries harder too. The ugly woman does not fall limply onto the bed and wait for the man to finish. No, she is grinding onto him. She is the aggressor and it is a welcome change for him sexually.

Uglier women are better at just about everything than pretty ones. They are generally more well-rounded because they did  not have as many options for entertainment when they were younger. Guys were not knocking down their doors for dates, so they concentrated on bettering themselves through school, sports, and culinary arts. The ugly girl is every woman’s worst nightmare, and if any woman is not taking care of her man, then a homely girl will take care of him.