St. Paddy’s Day: A Real Man’s Holiday


St. Patrick’s Day is the most underrated holiday on the calendar. Like all the other religious celebrations with a Christian origin (Mardi Gras, Valentine’s Day, etc.), the day normally ends in sex, but this celebration does not require excessive travel or significant finances to have fun. St. Patrick’s Day only requires about $30 and a place to drown your sorrows to have a good time.

There is no better holiday than St. Patrick’s Day for men. Thanksgiving brings visits from your relatives, the ones that you love and the ones that you do not like. Christmas brings the promise of copious amounts of money lost on gifts for everyone that is mildly important in your life. And, it brings you to the question of how much you really like the woman that you are dating. Should you get her a gift or not? If you decide that you want to keep dating her, then you have to choose how expensive her gift will be. If the gift is too cheap, then she will never take you seriously and may even be insulted. Too expensive and she will think that you are a stalker. St. Patrick’s Day eliminates all these quandaries. It is not about the woman. St. Paddy’s was made for simple guys. If you like her, then buy her a drink. If you do not, then buy yourself one. The most difficult question that a guy has to answer on March 17th is “Should I drink liquor or green beer?”

St. Patrick’s is about unity and debauchery. No other holiday is based in community drunkenness. On St. Paddy’s Day everyone is an Irishman and the only color that matters is green. Idiocy is encouraged. Everybody yells, sings, and drinks together on this blessed day. Go to any local bar and you will see people making out in corners, hurling on street corners, and inhaling hundreds of gallons of green beer.

St. Patrick’s Day has long been an underappreciated holiday. There are no days off for it, or greeting cards sent in its honor. But, that is the way that it should be, because it is for guys. Women have Valentine’s Day as their pseudo holiday, and men have St. Patrick’s Day. Men don’t need cards, flowers, and dinner. They need green beer and scantily clad, drunk women. St. Patrick’s Day is the perfect holiday and one of the best days of the year. Now give me my green beer.


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