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April 2012

17 Apr

Dear Answers From Men,

Dude, what the hell is up with Lamar Odom?  He completely quit on the Mavericks, and somehow still got a cool $8 million for his troubles.  How is this possible?

Cyrus; Corsicana, Texas

This is the story of Lamar Odom as a NBA player. He is as talented as anyone in the league, but he often plays disinterested even when he is in the ideal situation. In LA, Odom had weeks where he did not look like he cared about basketball and he won championships there. He had the opportunity to win it all again in Dallas if he played up to par, but his head and heart were not in the city of steaks and strip clubs. Unfortunately, Odom may have played himself out of the league this time. He is getting older at 35, he is becoming injured more consistently, and he is dogging it on the court. He seems more interested in being on his wife’s reality TV show than playing the sport that made him famous. If he isn’t careful Lamar Odom may not get another job in the NBA.

Must be nice to get $8 million to daydream … while still filming a reality show

Dear Answers From Men,

I’m nearly 40 years old, and I plan on asking my girlfriend to marry me.  We’ve been on the same page about this for a little while now, so the proposal should commence without a hitch.  My issue is with the whole getting permission from her father to marry his daughter.  Is this archaic ritual still required nowadays?  Her father has never liked me for a variety of reasons, so engaging in this process seems futile.  Thanks.

Gregory; Boston, Massachusetts

Greg, you are a grown man who wants to marry the woman that he loves. Your girlfriend’s father does not matter. Besides, do you really expect a man to like the guy who is diddling his daughter? The tradition is just a show of respect. It is necessary for you to ask him for his daughter’s hand in marriage, but his answer is irrelevant. If she loves you, then she will marry you regardless of what he says.

Dear Answers From Men,

At the time of this email, the Charlotte Bobcats have won a total of 7 games all season.  Not only that, they are being outscored by a ridiculous 13 points per game!  Do you think that Coach Calipari’s National Champion Kentucky Wildcats could beat them or any NBA team?

Clint; Raleigh, North Carolina

Wow. This question has come up  quite a few times over the last few months, and the answer to this question is really simple. No. No, the University of Kentucky Wildcats could not beat the Charlotte Bobcats in an exhibition game. As it stands, the Wildcats have about 5 to 6 NBA players. Anthony Davis will be a starter, Terrance Jones may be one too, but most of the other Kentucky players are just role players at best. The Charlotte Bobcats have 13 NBA players on their roster. Every guy on their team was a star at the college level. Kentucky would not have a chance against them. Charlotte is a terrible NBA team but they would destroy any college team.


Dear Answers From Men,

Are there seriously people who still get freaked out whenever Friday the 13th rolls around?  What do you think these losers think about the 13th coming literally one week after Good Friday?

Paul; Helena, Montana

Superstitions do not make any logical sense, so do not waste your time trying to understand them or the people that have them. Some people think that arbitrary coincidences have a deeper meaning than they actually do. Firday the 13th is just another day on the calendar to me. It does not have any ominous misgivings that come along with it. And the people that believe that it does are idiots.

Dear Answers From Men,

Is there any truth to comedian George Carlin’s quote women are crazy because men are stupid?

Brenda; Houston, Texas

George Carlin is a comedic genius and the forefather of observational humor. I think that he is right about women being crazy and men being stupid, but I’m not sure about the link between the two. Granted, most women think that they are inherently smarter than men, but women are crazy because of their mothers not because of guys. Now, the few guys that are crazy probably go crazy behind a woman. And, that is because women are manipulative and evil.

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