Random Rants 8


May 30, 2012

Lolo Jones

Lolo Jones is ridiculously hot. Lolo Jones is an Olympian in track and field. And, Lolo Jones is a also a virgin. Yes, that’s right, Lolo Jones, possibly the hottest track athlete in the world, is a 29 year old virgin. She says that she is saving herself for marriage and giving her husband her virginity as a gift. This premise of giving yourself to your husband as a pure, sexually inexperienced woman is beautiful in theory, but the reality of relationships is that sexuality plays an important role in the health of a good relationship. In fact, physical intimacy is just as important in love connections as emotional vulnerability. Sexual compatibility is measured in physical compatibility (if someone is too big or too small), frequency (how much sex each partner wants), sexual preferences (fetishes), and ability to perform. There are numerous factors that are unaccounted for in couples who have not had sex before committing their lives to each other.

40-18-9

LeBron James now has his 3rd NBA MVP which puts him into the rare level of achievement that only Magic, Bird, Jordan, Moses Malone, Russell, Kareem, and Wilt have reached. He just put up one of the best statistical games in the history of the NBA playoffs with 40 points, 18 rebounds, and 9 assists, not to mention 2 blocks and 2 steals. But, I’m not buying into all the hype just yet. James IS possibly the best pure athlete in NBA history. He has the size and strength of a power forward, the speed of a small forward, the leaping ability and agility of a shooting guard, and the vision and play-making skills of a point guard, but one great game does not erase all his past playoff transgressions. LeBron is a seminal talent, but I watched him wilt in the playoffs in his last year in Cleveland when his team needed him most. I watched him whine about fans and fouls when his play on the basketball court was subpar. I endured “The Decision” like most basketball fans did and took notice as he chose the easy path to NBA championships by joining two superstars in Miami rather than building the teams that he had in Cleveland. I watched him be outplayed by his own teammate (Dwayne Wade) in the NBA Finals in his first year in Miami, and was then in awe of Dirk Nowitzki who drove the Dallas Mavericks past both of them to a NBA Championship. James often seems like a whiny wunderkind rather than a polished superstar. Unless LeBron wins it all this year and is the best player on his squad by a mile, then he will be the most hollow, overrated MVP in league history.

Madge vs. Gaga

Apparently Lady Gaga and Madonna have had an ongoing feud for quite some time now. But, all the animosity resurfaced last year with Lady Gaga’s release of “Born This Way” which sounds eerily similar to Madonna’s “Express Yourself.” Lady Gaga’s fans view the song as an homage to Madonna who has obviously had some influence on Gaga’s style, however Madonna allegedly thinks that Gaga is just stealing her music and style. Well lets see, they both have a slutty, eccentric style of dress, overtly sexual song lyrics, a flair for the dramatic, and a strong affinity for the gay and lesbian community. But, one of them happened to have started this act thirty years ago. I think Madonna may have a strong case here.

No Deal in Indonesia

Lindsay June Sandiford, a British housewife, is facing the death penalty in Indonesia. I’m sure that you are guessing that she committed a crime of passion against her cheating husband and was caught red-handed with the murder weapon, but you would be wrong. Sandiford, age 55, was caught in an Indonesian airport with 4.8 kilos of cocaine in her luggage. That is about a $2.6 million dollar street value in drugs, enough to get about 14,000 people high in a day. Sandiford picked the wrong place to open up her business. Indonesia has some of the strictest drug policies in the world and she could be executed for her crimes. She is reportedly part of a big international drug syndicate and the Indonesian authorities questioned at least three others about the cocaine. The American economy is in shambles, but obviously Britain is doing no better. If elderly housewives have to start slinging coke the British aristocracy is in trouble and the world is officially coming to an end soon.

Ukuthwala

Well, we started with virgins, I guess that we should end the same way. In the Cape of South Africa, girls 12 and over are regularly abducted from their villages and forced to marry men that infected with HIV to cure them. The practice of Ukuthwala, which literally means to ‘take away’ has been an accepted practice for decades. The strangest thing is that when the miracle of sex with a virgin failed to cure the infected for the 1,000th time, no one stopped the practice. Fear and ignorance are powerful motivators, but at some point people have to see their situation for what it is. There are few miracles that happen today and none of them involve the abduction and rape of innocent people.

 

 


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *