May 28, 2012
Originally posted on June 7, 2011. Due to the overwhelming popularity of this article, and the positive and negative feedback from men and women, we deemed it necessary to run it again.
We seem to have been saying a lot of this lately, but here goes. The views in this article do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the owners and proprietors of AnswersFromMen.com. The opinions made in this article are the opinions of the author.
Women today, do a lot of whining and complaining about how the world does not treat them equally or fairly despite the ever growing number of women in the workforce, the higher levels of education, and the subsequent higher paying jobs that they are earning. Yes, men still earn more on average than women do (at least White and Asian males do), but women still have a lot advantages that men could never have. If they choose not to take advantage of what was given to them, then they should not complain. Women are stupid. There are millions of reasons why they are stupid, but below are the most glaring examples of stupidity.
1. Women are stupid because they fake orgasms – Yes, it had to be said. Faking orgasms is ridiculous. Not only are you pretending to be in the throws of passion to coddle the feelings of some idiot who does not know the difference between a belly button, a butt hole, and a clitoris, but you are also depriving yourself of one of the few real pleasures in life. There are only three simple pleasures in any person’s life that are worth participating in every time, dining on the perfect meal, finding a peaceful mind, and having a mind-numbing orgasm. Most men (at least the ones who have actually witnessed a real female orgasm) wish that they could have just one female orgasm in their lifetime. Men get about 30 seconds of intense sensation and about 5-10 seconds of good release. Women get a toe-curling, head-shaking, body-convulsing, borderline spiritual experience that lasts for as long as their partner can please them. Why on Earth, would anyone with half a brain fake that? When you fake an orgasm, your partner never learns how to please a woman and more importantly, never learns how to please you. And, you spend half an hour pretending to enjoy yourself while this clueless retard (I’m sorry “mentally challenged” person) fumbles around in your pelvic area. Stop faking orgasms and tell him the truth. You have more fun letting your cellphone vibrate in your pocket or riding your bike down a bumpy road than you have with him in the bedroom. Do you remember the time you left your cellphone in your back pocket, and the volume was all the way up. It was magical, right? He needs to know about that so that he can improve.
2. Women are stupid because they listen to Oprah – Who should you ask for relationship advice? The eighty year old career bachelorette that has never been married and spends more time with her best friend than her boyfriend? “Good call.” At least Dr. Phil was married, and he’s gay (Dr. Phil’s homosexual tendencies are probably a figment of my imagination, but you have to have an overload of estrogen to be Oprah’s pet, right?). Oprah does not care about anyone’s relationship. Hell, she does not care about her own relationships (that includes you Steadmon). You go on her show, cry for the camera, and her ratings go through the roof. She tells millions of housewives to buy some crappy self help book and it becomes a best seller. Oprah cares about herself. The only thing that any woman should ask Oprah about is how to make money. That is the subject that she knows and the only reason that she should be doling out advice.
3. Women are stupid because they like bad boys – There are plenty of nice guys that are waiting around to meet a nice, attractive woman with whom to spend the rest of their life. Unfortunately for them, women notoriously fall for the guys that treat them like dirt. There are myths (that were probably thought up by a smart bad boy) that, A. Some bad boys have a good heart, and B. That the right girl can convince even the worst bad boy to change his ways and settle down. They are just myths, ladies. Bad boys do not settle down with the right girl. You are not the right girl unless you sleep with a bad boy, and you will not be the only girl with whom he is sleeping. Guys, in general, do not settle down until they are ready to do so. You can not trap them. You can not convince them to be good. Bad boys know that good girls like them and they exploit that. He seems really nice until you find out that he is sleeping with your best friend… and your sister.
4. Women are stupid because they show cleavage and get upset when men look at it – Most women think that they should be able to wear whatever they want to wear without being ogled and harassed mercilessly by overly aggressive men. They are right. Theoretically, women should be able to wear and do whatever they want to do. Hypothetically, you should also be able to work for a company, let’s say Enron, for thirty years, retire, and live off your investments. In theory, almost anything works. However, reality is sometimes a bit different. Most men are visually stimulated, and a pair of bouncing boobs will grab any man’s attention in reality (gay men like boobs too). So, if you show off “the girls” at work, at the grocery store, or anywhere in public, expect a little male attention. And, stop feeling objectified, because you could have avoided the blank, chest-level stares with a little more clothing.
5. Women are stupid because they get plastic surgery to impress other people – The women that see you after your facelift or nose job are laughing behind your back. You may soothe yourself with chants of, “They’re just jealous,” and “They wish that they could look like me.” But, regardless of the reason that you changed your appearance, you are now consistently the butt of women’s jokes. And, men probably have no clue that you changed anything unless you went from an A cup to DD cup. You will get more attention from them, but most of it will be negative, and you will subject yourself to a lot of objectification from them. You really can not please men or women with any physical changes that you made, so the reasons for your plastic surgery were completely based in your own insecurities. Grow up and deal with having your big nose or small breasts.
6. Women are stupid because some of them think that being a single mom will be easy – For the women that thought that they were building a foundation for a good relationship with a man who turned out to be a coward, this statement is not about you. This statement is for the women who purposely got pregnant in an attempt to be an “independent woman” and a mother. In most things, women do not need men. Women are self-sufficient, responsible human beings in most cases. Men and women need each other to raise children. There is a reason that conception only happens when a woman’s egg meets a man’s sperm. There is a reason that children who are raised in a single parent home invariably seek their other parent. Women that grow up without fathers generally have difficulty connecting with men, so they sabotage their relationships with men or look for affection through sex. Men that do not have a relationship with their father have less respect for authority (particularly male authority) and often end up in the criminal system. Children need both of their parents. And, there are too many self-righteous women that have been hurt by a trifling man, that seek to hurt that man by disallowing any contact from him to his children. This is stupid. It is stupid to think that raising a child to be an upstanding citizen without help is easy. Children siphon money out of your pockets, ladies. The television programs that show spunky lawyers who are single moms are lying to you. Kids get injured, which costs money. They participate in school programs, which costs money. They eat, which unless you plan to breastfeed them until they reach college, will cost you money. Television shows never show single mothers on welfare. Unless you are independently wealthy, you will need child support (which you will not get from the dead beat dad), use government assistance (that’s welfare), or find work that involves a pole and no clothing. Please, do not decide to be a single parent because it is not easy.
7. Women are stupid because they constantly complain about things that they do absolutely nothing to fix – Yes, sometimes people just needs to vent their frustrations, but women seem to need a lot more venting than men do. With men, at the end of a bad day, you get a response similar to, “This day sucks!”, which is an eruption of the emotion that could not be released while the person or things that caused the day to suck were near. When listening to a woman vent, the conversation sounds more like the flow of explosive diarrhea spouting uninterrupted from her mouth about the small, meaningless occurrences of any regular day that she has somehow turned into purposeful slights, though all the disservices could have all been solved by ignoring or confronting the the person that initially made them.
Woman: “I sat behind this guy that was driving 35 mph on the freeway for 10 minutes. I could not believe that he was driving so slow. It was as if he was personally trying to make me late for work.”
Man: “Why didn’t you just drive around him?”
Woman: *evil stare, with arms folded* “That’s not the point.”
Woman: “Then, Britney took my stapler to her desk and kept it there all day. My stapler is still on the top of her desk right now.
Man: Did you need it?
Woman: Yes! Why do you think that I’m telling you this?
Man: Did you ask for it back?
Woman: *menacing stare* Why don’t you listen to me?!
8. Women are stupid because they want a gay guy friend – Do not mistake this for gay bashing. Gay guys are awesome. They are clever, they dress well, they know all the hot women, and they know where all the deals are. But, they serve no real purpose for a straight woman. Women usually know all the latest fashion designers and what styles of clothes are popular. Or maybe they just know another woman that keeps up with all that. Hell, they dress better than men without that knowledge; scientists have to be close to finding a shopping gene that is exclusive to the “X” chromosome. Outside of the occasional talk about penises, why would women specifically want a gay man friend?
9. Women are stupid because they can not drive – Okay, women do know how to drive, but they find everything that they can possibly do or attempt to do while driving which ultimately renders them useless behind the steering wheel of a car. You can not pay attention to the road, put on your make-up, yell at the kids, sing along to your favorite song, find those papers, and not cause three accidents on your way to work. And, why and how do women take self-pics and post them to Facebook while on the road? Just drive.
10. Women are stupid because they have PMS – Don’t blame men for what God did to you. Write a petition against your menstrual cycle and send it to Him by carrier pigeon. Men know that you have cramps, and you are extra hormonal along with the God-awful bleeding, but do men really have to face the wrath of your monthly visitor regularly? Cut out your ovaries or take some Midol. We did not give you periods, so don’t bite our heads off.
11. Women are stupid because of what happened in the Garden of Eden – That’s right ladies, it is your fault that we are not all walking around naked in the perfect garden and petting full-grown lions without losing a couple of fingers. If Eve had not eaten that fruit, and then tempted Adam with her feminine wiles, then life would still be perfect for all of us. We could have had it all ladies, but now, life is hard and we blame you.