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June 2012

29 Jun

Dear Answers From Men,

Who gains most from the Heat winning a title?

A. Lebron- for obvious reasons

B. Wade- was a fringe HOF candidate, now he’s a lock

C. Bosh- won’t be traded this summer and will no longer be the scape goat

D. Spolestra- no more firing rumors whenever Heat go on a 2 game losing streak

E. Juwan Howard- 1st member of the Fab Five to win a ring

F. Eddy Curry- can sell his ring for unlimited CiCi’s Pizza buffet coupons

Logan; Orlando, Florida

LeBron definitely gains the most from this title. Until now, he was the most overrated basketball player on the planet. This ring gives his MVP awards some validation, and it puts him in the right position among NBA immortals. Wade really did not benefit from this ring. His place in NBA lore was already decided with his Finals MVP and multiple All-Star games. He simply needed to keep putting up decent career numbers, which he has. Bosh does not have to be blamed for the team’s shortcoming, but the same rumors will swirl when Miami loses three games in a row next year. And Spoelstra will lose his job when the Heat lose next year. Though the Fab 5 did something that no college team has done before or since, Juwan Howard’s legacy is being a good professional basketball player and being part of a great college team. The ring does not prove anything for him. And, Eddy Curry sucks, and will probably eat his way out of the league again.


Dear Answers From Men,

Rumor has it that George Clooney and Stacey Keibler are expecting.  Clooney would probably make a really cool dad, but do you think he’d be better than Charlie Sheen or Jack Nicholson?

Donnie; Aurora, Illinois

Jack Nicholson is getting too old to be a cool dad. He may have some pointers for pulling hot chicks despite looking like Gollum from the Lord of the Rings Trilogy, but he is not heading outside into the yard to toss a football around with his son. He might have a heart attack. Charlie Sheen would be too busy chasing tail to take care of his kids. Plus, porn stars and hookers do not make good mommy figures. Clooney is probably going to be the coolest dad of the bunch. And, Stacy Keibler can teach him how to throw a football.


Dear Answers From Men,

What’s the over/under on the number of days before Jerry Sandusky is a victim in prison of what he did to all those poor children?

Obi; Brownsville, Texas

Obi, no dealer in their right mind would make odds on the chances of Jerry Sandusky not being raped in prison. Sandusky is about to get all the attention of young men that he can handle. Abusers of women and children usually get swift punishment for assaulting those who are weaker once they are in prison. And, Jerry Sandusky has had one of the most public cases in recent history. He is in big trouble.


Dear Answers From Men,

Should women shave their forearms?  I seriously don’t know.  It’s usually not a big deal, but this girl I’m kinda interested in has really hairy arms, and it bothers me a little bit.  Is this normal?

Geno; Lexington, Kentucky

Not okay.

Yes, it should bother you Geno.* For too long, men have tried to be politically correct by saying that a woman has the right to do whatever they want to do with their body. It is time to take a stand. And, that stand should not come against abortion or public breastfeeding. Men should unite against female body hair. Do not take female arm hair or bushy vaginas lying down (unless you are into that). Stand up for your right to have more body hair than your woman.

*Sexist statement of the month!

2 Responses to “June 2012”

  1. zoe April 9, 2014 at 8:01 PM #

    That’s so shallow… most women have to shave/wax/epilate/tweeze pretty much everywhere! arms, legs, vaginas, feet, toes, hands, fingers, eyebrows, stomachs, breasts, sideburns, literally everywhere and for what? to make a man feel more manly and because women have really low self esteems and are having their confidence destroyed because of what people think is ‘acceptable’ or ‘okay’… then they read comments like these that make it worse. asshole.

    • AFM April 10, 2014 at 7:31 PM #

      You sound like you may be the female version of Chewie. If you are sporting chest hair and a goatee as a lady, then you should shave the hair off every morning and stuff all that emotion deep down inside you until you burst or opt for corrective surgery.

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