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Who’s Your Daddy?

19 Jun

June 19, 2012

Father’s Day has come and gone. All the good food has been eaten and all the bad ties have been received and worn, so now it is time to give some publicity to the guys that go above and beyond to be fathers. Below are the celebrities and athletes with the most kids and the most “baby mommas”.

Lil Wayne – 4 kids from 4 women – Wayne may be small in stature, but he has big, strong swimmers and he is the self proclaimed, P*ssy Monster.

Charlie Sheen – 5 kids from 3 women – Let’s be honest, is anyone surprised?

That’s a porn star in Sheen’s house. He is rumored to have had 5 different ones at a point

Oscar de la Hoya – The Golden Boy has some Golden seed.

Marshall Faulk – 6 kids from 3 women – On the field, Marshall Faulk was a good guy and a great running back. Off the field, Marshall Faulk was a closer.

Sean “Puffy” Combs – 6 kids from 3 women – He’s a “Bad Boy.”

Ray Lewis – 6 kids from 4 women – Lewis is as mean in he bedroom as he is on the field.

Scott Skiles – 6 kids from 6 women – I am going to give you some assistance on the next punchline. “Many people don’t know this, but Scott Skiles is the NBA record holder for most assists in a game with 30.” Insert joke here _______.

Kevin Costner – 7 kids with 3 women – Instead of Dances with Wolves he has been doing a lot of dancing with no clothes on himself.

Mick Jagger – 7 kids from 4 women – One of Mick Jagger’s most famous songs was “I Can’t Get No Satisfaction,” but as it turns out Jagger got a lot of satisfaction from women.

Derrick Thomas – 7 kids from 5 women – R.I.P. Derrick Thomas. He died at the age of 33. He owns the NFL record for sacks in a game and he was pretty good at getting ladies into the sack too.

Clint Eastwood – 7 kids 5 women – This octogenarian had to make the list out of sheer diligence. He is now married to a woman that is 36 years younger than he is. He is Dirty Harry.

Do you feel lucky, ma’am?

Eddie Murphy – 8 kids from 4 women – Eddie Murphy likes to “Party All the Time”, and he has the kids to prove it.

Rod Stewart – 8 kids from 5 women – “Do Ya Think I’m Sexy?” Hell yeah, Rod.

Kenny Anderson – 7 kids from 5 women – Anderson was a great penetrating guard in his NBA days. In fact, he was fairly talented at penetration altogether.

Willie Anderson – 9 kids from 7 women – Willie Anderson was not a spectacular scorer on the basketball court, but if you put him and any woman behind closed doors….

Willis McGahee – 9 kids from 8 women – Willis McGahee at 34, is well on his way to dethroning our current champion.

Travis Henry – 9 kids from 9 women – No one on the list is more efficient at impregnating women than this running back. 9 women + 9 babies = a guy who knows how to hit the hole. Ironically, he is now in the hole for drug charges. And fortunately, the sex that he is having now probably won’t produce any more kids.

Antonio Cromartie – 10 kids from 8 women – Just watch the clip.

Evander Holyfield – 11 kids from 9 women – He hit as many women between their legs as he hit men in the boxing ring.

Shawn Kemp – 11 kids from 9 women – Shawn Kemp took making it “Reign” to another level.

Calvin Murphy – 14 kids from 9 women – The numbers speak for themselves. What Mr. Murphy lacked in size, he made up for in work ethic, sheer determination, and irresponsibility with prophylactics. Calvin Murphy the little man from Niagra is the big champ in reckless baby-making.

This is actually not his kid. Go figure.

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