August 8, 2012
1. Olive Skin – We may not all be handsome and tall, but we do not have to worry about that dark part. Italians generally have the features that all the ladies love, dark hair, tanned skin, and bedroom eyes. We were made for romance.
2. The Language – Italian is a language of love for a reason. It is soft and flowing. The letters roll of the tongue fluidly and easily, anything sounds great in our language. “I mangiare cacca verde.” That’s ‘I eat green poop,’ in Italian. It is a terrible thing to say, but it sounds lovely in the old language. You know it’s true.
3. Stay at Home – Italians love and respect family, even if we can not stand our family members. Men and women stay close to their family through their twenties regardless of where they live, and there are no stigmas attached to Italian men or women who never leave the nest. In fact, in some families, the kids are expected to stay at home until they are married. No bills and home cooking are hard to give up.
4. Home Cooking – You have to go out to get good Italian, and we stay in. Italian men and women are judged by their ability to throw together a good dish. You know those meatballs that you love from the store around the corner? My grandmother makes those every Thursday. Spaghetti, linguini, fettuccine? Forget about it. My father makes the pasta from scratch on his days off. I will not get started on my mother. Italians know how to cook.
5. The Ladies – Per capita, Italian women have the biggest breasts in the world. Bigger than American women. Bigger than Swedish women. Bigger than English women. That’s right Italian women are stacked. The average cup size of an Italian woman is a D cup. And, do not forget about that beautiful olive skin.
6. We Got An Answer to Any Question – “You want to know why? Cuz screw you, that’s why.”
7. The Mob – Every Italian in the world is connected to the mob in some way. Okay, that’s a lie, but we will tell you that we are connected. And you know what, you will believe us. You want to know why? Cuz screw you, that’s why.
8. Art – Almost every one of the most important artists in art history is Italian. We have a rich artistic history. The standouts in classic painting, sculpture, and opera are Italian. Think about Michelangelo’s David or the deep, bellowing voice of Luciano Pavarotti. Italians set the standards in art.
9. Just Visit – When you get some time and a little money saved up, visit the Italian countryside. It is one of the most historic and beautiful sights that you will ever lay your eyes on. Rustic buildings and classic architectural design litter the quaintly cobbled streets. There are gondolas, street vendors, and cozy places to dine everywhere. There is no place in the world like Italy.
10. Italians Make the Best Lovers – It is true, we Italians are a passionate people. You haven’t made love until you have made love to an Italian. You want to know why? Cuz screw you, that’s why.