Ladies, here are 5 things that happen to a man when he’s in love:
It comes out
If a guy really loves someone the feeling can’t be contained. It’s like sweat coming out of someone’s pours as they run a marathon. Magma erupting from a volcano. High pressure water gushing out of a geyser. He wants to say it repeatedly, tell every friend (and strangers) ad nauseam, he thinks about it all day, it’s highly evident in his behavior, and heck, he may even have dreams about it. It’s an overwhelming feeling, but in the most positive way imaginable … almost like a child about to start opening their presents on Christmas morning. A much more eloquent version of what I’m trying to convey was spoken by someone much wiser than me (Jesus) in the book of Luke. He said in Luke chapter 6 and verse 45, “For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.”
I vs. she vs. we
Pronouns start to change when cupid comes knocking at the door. Players, or a guy just going through the motions, don’t take ownership of the relationship. The use of the word “we” is few and far between, and he focuses exclusively on using only “I” and “she” or “her.” When we’re in love the notion of pleasing self becomes a secondary in a sense. Infatuation involves trying to please the other person no matter the cost (without respect to repercussion for any behavior), completely disregarding our own thoughts, feelings, and/or needs. Most importantly, infatuation is an ephemeral state that is impossible to maintain indefinitely.
- Infatuation says, “I just love making her happy!”
- Love says, “I just love making her happy. Nothing brings me more joy than making sure she’s happy.”
Conversely, when a guy is in love he tries his hardest to please his partner, yet at the same time he benefits from the sacrifice. If my partner is happy and taken care of, then that pleases me enough to make me happy. Unlike infatuation, love absolutely is sustainable. Although there is consistent sacrifice, since there is not a bimodal distribution of benefit, the sacrifice is symbiotic because both people in the relationship get continually rewarded.
We love their worst
This may be obvious to most, but we don’t love people with the goal of changing them or feverishly clinging to the idea that they may change one day. By and large an individual’s character, demeanor, and/or idiosyncrasies won’t change without an extremely powerful stimulus. Absent of that…
When a guy is in love he adores everything that his woman has to offer. Is she perfect? Of course not. Are there things that she could do much better? Absolutely. But he loves her because of AND in spite of her imperfections. Notwithstanding, it’s always easier to focus on someone else’s faults and not ones we own. If the guy worked on ameliorating his deficiencies the woman in his life would certainly feel more empowered to work on hers. Jesus spoke on this point also in the book of Matthew chapter 7 in verses 3-5:
Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
Obviously it’s great if she improves in some areas, but the difference is that when one is in love, we want her to improve for her own benefit, not for our own. This also may be highly apparent, but if she improves for her benefit, we share in this improvement. Remember the I vs. she vs. we discussion? The notion of trying to change someone else is one of the most self-serving ideals I can think of. We all bring some type of “baggage” into a relationship, and the goal is to discuss these things and partner together to get past them or find a way to manage them as best as possible. We’re not always in a good mood, made up, smelling fresh, or doing things that we excel at. This is a truer expression of love … loving what seems unlovable.
When guys think about the future it generally involves finding out when the next football or basketball game comes on, when some restaurant is giving away something for free, or when the next new tech gadget comes out. I’m still all for those things, but love has made those things a secondary concern. The planning now entails when my darling finishes working, what new restaurant we can go to, or how I can surprise her with something she’s never experienced before. In addition, love makes guys work towards being more financially responsible. There’s less talk about buying the new phone the day it comes out, upgrading from a 60 inch TV to a 70 inch TV, or trading in a two year old car for the newer model just because the body style changed a little bit. I’d love to waste money on all these things, but I’d much rather buy my sweetie flowers just because, take her out to swanky places, and get her little things that she mentions in passing.
Everything becomes simple
Love is definitely not easy; it requires unrelenting work and dedication. On the other hand, when a guy is in love everything is simple when he’s with the one he wants to be with. All the other cares and concerns are easily ignored. The world could be crashing down around us, but the one thing we want to protect and take care of is in our arms. There’s nothing complicated at all about that. Love may be complex, but it’s often oh so simple.