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Week 1 Olympic Recap

3 Aug

Michael Phelps is not a loser

In his first event Phelps finishes 4th, the first time he failed to medal in an event since 2000.  A few days later he finished second in the 200 meter butterfly, despite leading for the entire event.  Phelps has grabbed 3 golds and two silvers in his six events (he would have four golds if not for Lochte screwing up), not a shabby haul by any stretch of the imagination.  Not only that, he has become the most decorated Olympic athlete in history..  By winning 8 golds in 8 events in 2008, dominating international competitions for nearly a decade, and owning numerous world records, Phelps is simply a victim of his own success.  We never expect him to lose!  It’s impossible to maintain such a winning pace forever, and things finally evened out a little bit … unfortunately not in his favor.  In 2008 he swam amazingly, but he caught every break necessary to get the 8 golds.  This year some of those breaks just haven’t gone in his favor, so he’s gotten a few silvers.  Let’s appreciate Phelps for what he is: the greatest swimmer of all-time, but like anyone else who has ever lived, he isn’t perfect.


even YOU can’t win ‘em all Mikey


Ryan Lochte is a loser

This guy’s goal the last four years was not trying to be the best swimmer he can be, but to beat Michael Phelps.  Lo and behold, he wins gold in his first event, a head to head meeting with Phelps, and he then thinks he’s the best swimmer who’s ever lived.  The moment that gold medal was put around his neck Lochte proclaims, “It’s my time,” and NBC immediately shows three commercials starring swimming’s new star.  He then proceeds to put that ridiculous diamond encrusted grill into his mouth (Usain Bolt gets crucified in the media for being too arrogant.  I can’t even imagine what would be said if he ever decided to rock a grill after an event).  Fast forward a few days and team anchor Lochte loses a HUGE lead in the 4 x 100 relay to leave USA with silver.  He tops that off by not medaling at all in the 200 meter freestyle, losing again to Phelps, and getting silver, in the 200 meter individual medley, and by getting a disappointing bronze in the 200 meter backstroke (an event he was the reigning champion).  Lesson as always is that the media needs to slow down trying to anoint the next big thing, and athletes need to keep their ego in check until the whole job is done.


World class Olympic athlete or Flava Flav???


Jordyn Weiber not qualifying for the all-around

It became a national disaster that everyone’s favorite gymnast Jordyn Weiber did not qualify for the Women’s Individual All-around.  The IOC’s archaic, draconian rules state that not more than two athletes from a country can qualify for entry.  It sucks for Weiber because her total score was the 4th best overall, but only the 3rd best on the American team.  I feel terribly for her because all her hard work won’t be fully realized, and it’s also unfortunate that NBC won’t be able to cash in on their incessant hyping of her talents.  Three silver linings are that she has already won gold for the All-around Team competition, that she’s presumably young enough to give things another go in 2016 (but of course we know how these crazy gymnastic trainings go … the moment a girl has her menstrual cycle she’s booted off the team for a younger version of herself), and that Gabby Douglas won the individual all around gold.  Sure Weiber doesn’t get the medal, but she gets to share in the endorsement fame that Douglas’ victory is going to bring the whole team.  And by the way, all the websites and people saying mean things about Gabby Douglas’ hair are complete idiots.  When a person is running, jumping, and sweating for hours, its somewhat hard to keep their hair looking model-esque.  Maybe they should focus on her flipping, footwork, balance, power, amazing smile, and amazing determination.  I guess that’s hard to do when blinded by ignorance and jealousy.



Hope Solo is f-ing crazy

I get that Solo is a world class goalkeeper and was conceived during a prison conjugal visit, but that doesn’t give her license to go crazy and obliterate Brandi Chastain in the media.  Maybe everything she said about Chastain was accurate (they were not by the way), but she can’t say them because Chastain kicked the World Cup winning shot for the US back in 1999.  Furthermore, she has two career World Cup titles and two Olympic gold medals to her name.  Maybe Solo can give her opinion if she ever wins one World Cup, but as of now Chastain can just make a reference to Patrick Roy’s famous line and say, “I can’t really hear what Hope says, because I’ve got my two World Cup rings plugging my ears.”  History shows that Solo either doesn’t have a filter, a publicist, or give a damn about what comes out of her mouth.  If she’s interested in a post playing career she needs to check herself quickly, because no television network will want to hire such a hothead.  Yes she’s at the top of her game, but she is 31 years old, and no one has ever defeated father time.



Hugging Michelle Obama

Team USA Basketball has had their way with all of their opponents so far, and this will probably continue as they march toward another gold medal.  In all reality only Spain and Argentina even belong on the court with these guys.  Sadly, they also had their way with First Lady Michelle Obama.  After routing France by nearly 30 points, every member of the team decided it was a good idea to go up and hug Mrs. Obama who was in the stands watching.  If the 2 or 3 team leaders or coach hugged her it would have been nice, but every single player?  Are they crazy?  Not only that, they just finished the game, so they’re all stinky and sweaty.  How could they actually think it was appropriate to get sweat and stink all over the president’s wife?  We can almost excuse this ridiculous behavior after the team’s multiple Olympic record achieving annihilation of Nigeria 156-73.

from smelling fresh flowers in the White House to gagging on stinky athletes in a meaningless game…

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