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Thanksgiving or Not?

26 Nov

Turkey Day is the Best


Four day weekend- Let’s be honest, the greatest part of the Thanksgiving holiday is the guaranteed four day weekend. This is the only time all year that such a treat is available to everyone in America without having to take any personal time off (unless of course one works in a hospital or in retail). Getting these days allows people to travel across the country and spend some extended time with family. The Wednesday beforehand is one of the least productive work days on the calendar, so really Thanksgiving blesses everyone with nearly five straight days off.

Black Friday- Who doesn’t like to spend massive amounts of money and get all their Christmas gifts in just a matter of hours? Running around retail stores and shopping malls has become a staple of Thanksgiving. Thanks to the success of Black Friday we now also have Cyber Monday. What’s better than eating and shopping all night long?

Football- Thanks to the football gods we get to watch NFL games all day long. Games start at noon and go all the way until about 10 PM. For those who don’t have (or like) family, there’s the option of spending America’s favorite holiday with America’s pastime.

Massive food- Turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, rolls, potatoes, and desserts galore. America is the fattest country in the world by leaps and bounds, and Thanksgiving gives everyone free license to eat until they make themselves sick. The amount and variety of foods is the dream for anyone who doesn’t have an eating disorder.

Putting up the Christmas tree- Thanksgiving evening is a common time for family’s to put up the Christmas tree. It’s a great event because of course kids love it, but it’s another opportunity for families to do something together. Turkey day is easily the best holiday we have going.

I’m Ready for Monday


Travel sucks- Spending time with family is all well and good on Thanksgiving and the two days after; being at the airport on the Wednesday before and the Sunday after the holiday is hell on earth. The busiest travel time of the year is on these few days, and its pure chaos. Airports are usually overcrowded and annoying … multiply that by 100 and that’s Thanksgiving travel.

Saying what you’re thankful for- Do I really have to say this out loud still?

Bad football- I love football, but I don’t necessarily enjoy watching bad football. The Detroit Lions and Dallas Cowboys play every year, and those two teams are part of my definition of bad football. Haven’t we reached the point to where we can remove these teams from the Thanksgiving rotation? The third game of the day may be better, but by then I may be getting ready for Black Friday shopping, so I may not even get to watch much of it.

Christmas music- Thanksgiving night is when some radio stations begin playing Christmas carols on regular rotation. Some stations actually play carols exclusively until December 26th. I’m not a scrooge or anything, but there are only so many times in my life that I want to hear Frosty the Snowman, Jingle Bells, and Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer.

Based on killing Indians- No one wants to say this out loud anymore, but we only have Thanksgiving thanks to the altruism of the Native Americans. Of course we savagely killed them, lied to them continually, and moved them out of the land that they had long claimed. If we’re so intent on giving thanks for stuff, we need to at least acknowledge the reasons for the celebration is based on someone else’s significant misfortune.

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