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The Golden Armed Raider

9 Jan

The Oakland Raiders had finally put together the perfect team except one piece. They had huge linemen, a powerful running back, tall and fast receivers, and one of the toughest, hardest hitting defenses that the NFL had ever seen. The only position player that was missing was a good signal caller. Their coach had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues for the right quarterback, but he couldn’t find a player who could make all the throws and win the Super Bowl.

Then, late one night while the coach was watching television, he happened upon a war-zone scene in the Middle East. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Muslim soldier with an incredible arm, perfect touch, and great accuracy.

He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window from 30 yards away. Then, he threw another one 50 yards away, right into a chimney. After that, he sprinted to his left to get a better angle and threw another grenade at a passing car going 90 mph. It landed in the driver’s lap.

The coach knew that he had to recruit this guy. He hopped on a plane, landed in the middle of the war-zone with bullets flying overhead, and convinced the young soldier to come with him. The coach began teaching him the game of football, and after a year of hard work and practice, the soldier played his first game in the NFL and the Oakland Raiders went on to win the Super Bowl.

The young Muslim soldier was hailed as the savior of football, and when the coach asked him what he wanted, the young man did not ask for cars, girls, or lots of money. He only wanted to call his mother.

“Mom,” he yells, “I just won the Super Bowl!”

“I don’t want to talk to you,” his mother says. “You are not my son!”

“I don’t think you understand, Mother,” the young man pleads. “I have just made it to the pinnacle of my new profession. I’m here among thousands of my adoring fans. They are chanting my name. This is the biggest moment of my life.”

“No! Let me tell you!” his mother retorts. “At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is in ruins and the people are savages. Your two brothers were almost beaten to death last week for no good reason, and I keep your sister hidden in the house with all the windows covered and locked so that she doesn’t get raped!”

His mother pauses, and then fighting back tears she says, “I will never forgive you for making us move to Oakland!!”

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