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The Real Reasons Why Europe is Ahead of Us

11 Sep

As President Obama tried to persuade the US public that going to war against Syria is a good idea, people in Europe are washing their hands with the whole idea of spending billions on a middle east civil war.  Yet another reason Europe is ahead of us.  Originally posted November 7, 2011


America is still the best place in the world to live. It is one of the only places in the world where a good work ethic, a great idea, and a little luck can completely change someone’s fortunes. People come to America with little more than the clothes on their backs and hope for a better life, and become more prosperous than they could have ever dreamed. However, despite offering a requisite for the immigrants of poorer nations, the U.S. is falling behind the bigger countries for reasons that are not completely economic. The national debt is America’s biggest crisis, but there are other many reasons why Americans are falling behind Europe. The common man in the Europe has quite a few less auspicious advantages over us, too. Below are the ones that American men should be fighting to establish here.

Nude Beaches

Something about the idea of naked breasts on a beach should sound absolutely astounding to any red-blooded American male. There is the calm crash of the waves brushing against the sand on the shore behind you, the gentle bounce of two full “C” cups jiggling freely as a hot, topless Grecian woman walks past you, and the sudden tightening of your swimming trunks once you realize that you have been staring at her chest. You feel embarrassed at first, but then she smiles at you and the two of you start to play rabbit in the hole right there on the beach. Granted that sounds like the start of a good porn movie or a really bad regular movie, but it could happen. And that it could only happen if and when there are nude beaches spread across this great nation. Please write your nearest congressman and President Obama a letter of our demands.


Do you remember playing with Legos and building blocks in kindergarten? You would eat lunch, go outside for recess, and then take a nap. Well in Europe they take recess and naps well into adulthood. In England they stop all matters for tea time which is literally a break for tea and a nap. In Spanish speaking countries they take siestas. Do not try to find an open business during these hours, because you will be wasting your time. Europeans believe in reducing stress and they understand the importance of rest for people. Europeans believe in taking naps. And we should too.

Less Work

Here is yet another reason that Europeans are less stressed than Americans. They work less. Yep, it is that simple. Europeans have more vacations, paid holidays, and shorter work weeks. The average worker in England starts with a month of paid vacation. The average worker in America starts with a week. In some instances, that person has to wait a full year in order to be eligible for vacation. In Europe most holidays are paid holidays with no stipulations. In America, it depends on where you work. In addition to that, Europeans only come to the office for four days of each week and rest for the other three, as opposed to the standard five day work week in the U.S. Hell, in the U.S. you take work home, and are always accessible to your boss. Not surprisingly, the average life expectancy of most European countries is two to three years longer than that of the average American.

Stem Cell Procedures

Europeans even have more access to better medicine than Americans. While researchers in the States are studying the possible effects of stem cells, the people of other European countries are applying it. *Science lesson of the day: Stem cells are unique in their ability to transform into the type of cell that occupies the area that they are introduced. Stem cells that are injected into bone tissue become bone tissue, stem cells that are introduced into cartilage become cartilage, etc. The end result of procedures using stem cells is quicker healing, less scarring, and better rehabilitation.

Those crazy Europeans are ass-backward on a lot ideas like communism and men wearing speedos, but they managed to get a few things right. We could learn a few things from a continent that turns any ordinary beaches into a strip club and offers better pay for less work. *

*The Euro (standard monetary unit in Europe) is worth one and a half  dollars.

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