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Unacceptable Behavior

30 Oct

This article was originally posted on December 30, 2011. Enjoy.

As we bring in the new year, many people are resolving to be better in various facets in their lives. They are vowing to lose weight, promising to have a kinder attitude, and attempting be better people. We at simply telling you what is completely unacceptable in the new year. 2012 should be devoid of these things.


“Man”gagement rings – This is a woman’s way of telling you that she is a controlling bitch. Run away from her as quickly as possible. No woman should force an engagement ring onto her soon-to-be spouse, and no man should accept this. A guy has just spent three months of his salary, bought a beautiful ring for a woman with it, and pledged his penis and his life to this one woman for the rest of his existence on Earth. I think that is enough for any regular woman to be happy.

These things should never be combined.

Tampon-tini’s – Ladies, if you need to get drunk so badly that you are willing to fill a tampon with liquor so that it gets into your bloodstream faster, then you are either absolutely terrible at planning when you are going to start drinking or a raging alcoholic. I am honestly leaning towards the latter.

This is slightly less unacceptable because they are girls.

Butt-bongs – Fellas, you need to come to terms with your sexuality if the best way that you can find to get drunk is stuffing beer into your butt hole.

This guy should not have a sex tape.

Celebrity sex tapes – Sex tapes are no longer about two celebrities having a wild night together. Now it is just publicity stunt for people who are trying to become famous or quickly falling out of the limelight. When a seventy year old rock star and an obese rapper have sex tapes on the web, it is time for it all to stop.

“Swagger” – You should be all swagged out by now. The word is everywhere. Like an virulent epidemic, the terms “swagger, swag, swagged out, and any other false conjugation of the word” spread from the inner city, to the suburbs, and into the rest of the world. When a “cool” phrase is uttered on the news, it officially no longer cool.

Probably not an addict. She’s hot, he has a penis.

Celebrity sex addiction – The chances of celebrities having a sex addiction are considerably higher because there are few things that they want but can not afford, however most of the guys that are claiming to have a sexual addiction are lying. Their handlers understand the common person will believe anything. People often mistake emotional immaturity for addiction. If a guy can say, “Hi, I’m Tiger Woods. Wanna do it on that table?”, and get laid, then he will.



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