In these difficult economic times, many people that were once well taken care of are suddenly fending for themselves. Changing incomes are leading to varying lifestyles. The rich are becoming the middle class, and the middle class is disappearing. Here are a few ways to know if you are poor. You might be poor if…
1. …you are a minority – With the exception of Asian people, minorities are 3-4 times more likely to live in poverty than the majority. If you are a person of color, then you are probably poor.
2. …you own canned meat – Spam, which is ham in a can, is not edible. Anything that can sit on a shelf for 3 years should not be eaten.
3. …you know what fruit drink is – This is not fruit juice or a carbonated soda. No one but the manufacturer knows what it is made of. It is drink and it is delicious.
4. …people offer you money when you walk down the sidewalk – You might not be homeless yet, but apparently you look homeless.
5. …you are unemployed despite four years of college and a plethora of workplace experience – Welcome to the depression (economic and emotional).
6. …your home and your car are the same space – That means you are living out of your car, Jethro.
7. …you collect cans for money – You don’t really want to save the environment, but an extra $3.28 in your pocket would be nice.
8. …you work a slave job (warehouse, sweatshop, maintenance, maid) for minimum wages – The hardest, most physically taxing jobs are the most poorly paid ones. People that have money make their money work for them rather than working hard to get more.
9. …you have children – They are like having a bottomless hole in your bank account. You throw money in there and you never see it again.
10. …you have more shoes than you have collateral – Whether you collect Jimmy Choo’s or Air Jordan’s, if you spend money regularly on shoes, then you can’t be wealthy. The financially advantaged spend money on things that gain value as they age.
11. …your car’s accessories cost as much as the car itself – If you added 20-inch rims and speakers, woofers, and sub-woofers to your car, then you’ve obviously never learned that a car loses half its value the second that you drive it off the lot.
12. …you eat out every night – Nothing burns up cash like eating in a restaurant everyday. People with money avoid spending cash on anything daily.
13. ….you never eat out – If you’re eating Ramen Noodles everyday Joe College, then you probably can’t afford anything else.
14. …you have a mullet – Business in the front, party in the back…means no job
15. …you have a wife or girlfriend – see question 9
16. …your children know as much or more slang as you do.
17. …you go to church – Either you’re going to church to pray for more money or you‘re going to church to give your money away. The church always has some project that costs you, so bring your pocket book or be ostracized, because nobody can judge you like a crowd of religious people.
18. …you have more tattoos than you have shoes – With the except of rappers and professional athletes, poor people have cornered the market on multiple tattoos.
19. …you have 5+ children and no job – Unless you have a millionaire husband, then you are on welfare.
20. …you have ever eaten a mayonnaise sandwich – people don’t eat mayonnaise sandwiches because they taste good. They eat them because they are poor.
21. …you have a clothes hanger or digital converter on your television – the rich buy new 3D TV’s. The poor try to fix their old televisions with useless trinkets.
22. …you or children have gold teeth or silver caps in your mouth – the affluent would never fill their mouths with gold teeth because they have to relate to their peers and clientele. And, the poor cannot afford decent health care so dentist cap rotting teeth in toddler’s in an attempt to save their adult set.