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Finding a Soulmate

14 Jan

Finding someone to love is less difficult than the people behind television and the movies would have you believe. But, finding the person that fits you and your lifestyle the best proves to be more challenging. The reason for this dilemma is that people always seek the right chemistry, but they do not necessarily look for the most important subtle hints about compatibility. Infatuation falls short in relationships. The most analogous couples have congruence in basic attraction, background, recreation, level of intelligence, vices, and sex.


Basic attraction is one of the most over-looked components of a good relationship. Because of all the popularity of movies where an unattractive person with a good heart lands the beauty queen or home-coming king, people miss an important building block of a relationship, attraction. If the person that you are dating does not make you want to kiss them with a simple glance, then they may not be the right one for you. It sounds cliche, but if you do not think that your significant other is beautiful/handsome early in the morning, before they have brushed their teeth, and wiped the crust out of their eyes, then you should leave them. As you begin to understand who a person is, you also begin to learn their faults. And regardless of how much you love someone, you will eventually see the parts of them that are less than desirable. The most gorgeous woman in the world will inevitably annoy you and seem less attractive, so physical becomes even more important. Remember, you will have to wake up next to the person that you marry for the rest of your life. Choose well.


The “Opposites Attract” theory is not true at all. Recent case studies have proven that the happiest couples, and the romantic partners that are most likely to stay together, are ones that have the most commonalities. Having a similar background means that couples share a lot of common ground. The couple that has had parallel rearing will have had comparable experiences and have learned complementary ways to deal with the natural conflicts that occur in relationships and life. They probably also have parallel values. People that see the world in the same way are more compatible. Though it is not the only significant indicator of a couple’s success, a similar background is present in most couples that last.


Even more importantly than having a similar past, is having a few similar interests. A person’s hobbies give perspicacity into their psyche and their future endeavors. Most of the time that couples spend together is spent at rest and recreation, so similar hobbies are important. Couples that enjoy the same recreation enjoy more quality time together which bonds them more than other couples. Anytime that a couple spends together promotes mutual growth, and allows more opportunities for the type of communication that is vital to every relationship.

Level of Intelligence

Though intelligence is not as important as some other traits, it is significant when finding out if couples will stay together. People that are more than 2 standard deviations apart on the intelligence scale are significantly more likely to split. As mentioned before, a big part of dating and marriage is communication. If people feel that they are not being understood, then they are much less likely to continue talking. Once communication leaves a relationship, bitterness and resentment enter it. This usually leads to the end of the relationship


Drinkers need to date drinkers. Druggies need to date other addicts. As stated before, couples need to have similar interests. Vices like drinking, drugging, and gambling can break up a good relationship quicker than a bad attitude or infidelity.


Not surprisingly, sex can either consummate or destroy a relationship. Sexual compatibility consists of three different categories: quality, quantity, and specific preferences.

By far, the quality of sex in a relationship is most important. Sommore, a famous comedienne said, “If a man is fucking you right, you can spot his ass at the Million Man March.” And, she is right. Good sex helps relationships. It bonds individuals. Apologies are a little sweeter. Men seem more caring and nurturing. Your brain releases chemicals that connect you to your partner when you orgasm. Good sex makes relationships better.

However, regardless of how good the sex is, if one partner desires sex significantly more than the other, then the relationship can be stressed. This part of sex is often overlooked. People that want sex three times a day should not marry people that are satisfied with intimacy once a week. The more lustful partner will feel rejected if compromise is not reached with the frequency of sex, and may ultimately cheat or leave the relationship. Inevitably, sex is linked with love and the perceived lack of it causes conflict.

Finally, sexual preferences play a significant role in the happiness of a couple; not just gender preferences, but with sex acts too. Obviously, a woman that loves to date and sleep with other women will not be satisfied in a serious relationship with only one man. But, a girl that loves a good golden shower or a Cleveland steamer, should not date a vanilla, missionary type of guy either.* The lady will be unfulfilled sexually and the man might be repulsed.


There are many important components to having a successful partnership with another person and many of them are regularly missed by people that are actively dating. People should look for the key factors of any good relationship: basic attraction, similarities in up-bringing, hobbies, vices, and desire, comparable levels of intelligence, and good sex. If all the parts are present, then the relationship has a great chance to flourish.


*If you don’t know what a golden shower or a Cleveland steamer is, then do not look it up. Trust me.

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