Yes ladies, men are pigs. We surveyed men and asked them which women they hated but would still sleep with and brought the answers to you. This question revealed some of the most interesting answers of any of the past surveys. These women induced some of the most unexpected, and sometimes obvious and obnoxious answers that we have seen.
1. Sarah Palin – Sarah Palin is pretty, powerful, and moral. She was also painfully ignorant of her daughter’s extracurricular activities. It is hard to like a person that builds an entire vice presidential campaign on morality, but did not know that her teenage daughter was having sex and pregnant. She symbolizes America, ‘You do not have to know what you are talking about as long as you say it loud enough.’
Mark – I’d hit that.
2. Britney Spears – Britney Spears stole another woman’s man, then she married him and reproduced. All the fame and pressure finally got to her, and she went bat-shit crazy, cut off all her hair, and ignored her kids. All this could have been forgiven, if she was actually talented.
Brandon – Her music is shitty, but she made me a fan after she made the song about having threesomes. If Britney Spears is having threesomes, then there is hope for all of us.
And there is always the outside chance that you could Federline* her with two more kids.**
3. Ann Coulter – She is opinionated, judgmental, and argumentative. She also may be a racist. That is not a good mix of traits for any person, much less.
Phil – Anybody who is as anal as she is, is either going to be really bad in the bedroom or really amazing. And, she’s angry. I think she would be a great lay.
4. Fat girls – They give you heat in the winter, cook better than skinny girls, and try harder in the sack too.
Wesley – The big girls need love too.
5. Jessica Simpson – Chicken of the sea? Really? This has to be the dumbest woman that ever lived.
Logan – Apparently, she is like sexual dynamite.
6. Angelina Jolie – She drank her husband’s blood, kept a vial of it on a necklace, went mouth to mouth with her brother on the red carpet, and stole another woman’s husband. Something is wrong with her…seriously wrong.
Rob – She’s crazy, but she’s hot.
7. Your ex-girlfriends – She was a raging bitch when you were together. She never paid you back that money that she owed you, she slept with your best friend…and your uncle…at the same time, and she is just crazy. But, she can do that thing with her tongue that you like…and it is 2 o’clock in the morning…and you are drunk…
Chad – I hate my ex until the bar closes.
8. Elizabeth Hasselback – Intelligent guys like smart women. It also helps when you’re hot. Elizabeth Hasselback is definitely hot, especially against the background of the other View panel members. However, she was not smart enough to let the older hens cackle and yell about their love of President Obama without imparting her decidedly right-winged opinions and verily being lambasted for it. From then on, then she was the outcast. Smart women know when to be quiet.
Jay – Grudge fuck.
9. Kim Kardashian – Kim Kardashian has no discernible talent, yet she is probably the most popular reality show star in today’s media. She got famous from sleeping with a the talentless little brother of Brandy.
Tim – I would only do it if I she could just not talk the entire time. Is that wrong?
10. Paris Hilton – She started the whole sex tape phenomena while underage. Though she already had a inheritance worth tens of millions of dollars, she turned her sex tape scandal into a public career. Paris Hilton is responsible for some of the most annoying catch phrases in pop culture history, especially “That’s hot,” which was repeated by millions of teenage girls.
DeSean – Anybody who makes a sex tape has got to be a freak. **Editor’s note: Apparently, DeSean did not see the sex tape. Boring…**
11. Casey Anthony – Okay, technically she was found innocent of killing her own toddler, but what mother lets her child go missing for a month without looking for her. Men are pigs.
Chris – I could say that I slept with a murderer without being locked in a cell with a guy named Bubba.
12. Sarah Silverman – Sarah Silverman tells some of the raunchiest jokes that are said in today’s comedy. She can be hilarious, but she can be pretty annoying too. She had a period where she bent over and grabbed or pointed to her butt whenever someone tried to take her picture. It was funny at first, then it got old. She is always on her game which is cool onstage, but overwhelming off of it.
Brad – Anybody with a mouth that filthy has to be dirty.
13. The Nanny – Fran Drescheyer’s voice is like sandpaper. She plays the typical Jersey girl, loud, boisterous, and obnoxious. That nasal voice is unforgettable in the worst way possible. But, it might be nice to see if she can hit a few high notes.
Harrison – I just want to hear her come in that voice.
14. Lindsay Lohan – Lindsay is everyone’s favorite neighbor drunk. She can not figure out her hair color, how to match her clothes, or how to put on underwear.
Scott – She’s a marginally talented actress, a talentless singer, and she is publicly drunk almost every day. She is my soulmate.
15. Halle Berry – When you get into one abusive relationship, then people normally sympathize with you. Halle was physically abused by her 1st husband, David Justice who is now an out gay man. Then, she suffered emotional abuse by marrying Eric Benet, a sex addict. She won her 1st and only Academy award for making porn (Billy Bob Thornton’s man sac was visible, that was either real sex or very impressive editing). Halle has some problems.
To understand why men would still sleep with her see what Rob said on #6.
16. Kelly Ripa – She is like a coked-up fairy that will not shut up.
Darren – There is a good reason why she has so many kids. Her husband had to decide between listening to her talk or moving the headboard. He picked right.
17. Kate Gosselin -She is the angriest person in show business. She berates and belittles her husband on national television regularly. She also had 8 children come out of her vagina. This woman is evil.
Marcus – I’d want to grudge f*ck her for Mark Gosselin.
18. Jennifer Aniston – You may not know this, but guys hate Jennifer Aniston. She is not stunningly beautiful, but the media loves her. She is not incredibly talented, but she keeps getting movie roles. And, no matter what, she is always there. She is the girl friend that you did not like, but you stayed with her for too long because you could not find a good reason to break up with her.
19. Brooke Hogan – She can not sing or dance, but had a reality show and a fledgling music career. Her entire claim to fame is being Hulk Hogan’s hot daughter.
Carlos – I want to put Brooke Hogan in the piledriver.
John – Brooke, whatcha gonna do when the hulkster runs wild on YOU?
20. Oprah – She hates men, ask Stedmon, ask Gail, or just watch her show. She has weight issues and looks like a Japanese frog caricature, but you could always Federline her.
*To Federline a woman is to knock her up, convince a judge that she is crazy (Spears made it pretty easy by ignoring her kids, getting drunk and partying, and cutting off all her hair), and getting child support as a man. Kevin, you are an inspiration to all the single dads in the world. And yes, we conjugate names here. That’s how we roll.