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Things Your Dad Should Have Told You

20 Feb

advice from dad

Fathers are a bastion of knowledge for their children. They seem to know everything, and they relay their words of wisdom to their family whenever they get a chance. Dads give their children maxims to live by. But there are some lessons that fathers never tell their kids. These are the lessons that are necessary for good living, but usually are not shared.

1. Do Not Marry the Dream Girl

In a perfect world, you would get to marry the woman of your dreams without any negative consequences. In this fantasy world, you would spot a supermodel from across the street, your eyes will meet hers, and the two of you will fall in love instantly. The two of you get married, have mind-blowing, leg-numbing filthy sex every six hours, and create two perfect children who grow up and serve the both of you until the day that you die. You could live off her fame and fortune until the kids are old enough to support you, and then have them feed and change you until your last day on Earth. But, the world is not perfect. And, in the real world, dating the woman of your dreams presents a constant struggle. Beautiful women have their choice of men to date, and the woman of your dreams is probably not looking for you. You will fight for her affections constantly because you were not her first choice. Billy Joel, a famous musician, won over Christie Brinkley with his talent, fame, charm, and wealth. She was the tall, model who could have chosen any man that she wanted. He was the soulful crooner who swept her off her feet with his music (he wrote several songs for and about her) and extravagant gifts. But, she ultimately fell for the more traditionally attractive beau Rick Taubmaun and the classically handsome Peter Cook. Joel lost her because he was not her type. Always choose the woman who finds you just as physically attractive as you find her. If you pursue your dream girl like Billy Joel did, there is a chance that you will find a gorgeous woman who can see past your homely aesthetics and thinks that you are one of the best human beings in the world. But, most likely, you will be dating the girl who entertains you because you are the type of guy that she should date when she really believes that you are a bug-eyed freak who sings well and has a lot of money.

2. Date As Many Different Types of Women As Possible

Fathers usually temper any sexual talk between themselves and their sons even though most fathers take pride in their son’s sexual exploits. The “birds and the bees” talk is the only awkward sex discussion that most fathers and sons have together, and it takes place well before the younger man can use the knowledge at the onset of puberty. However, dads should have a series of talks with their maturing offspring once they begin pursuing the opposite sex. And most importantly, fathers need to tell their sons to date as many women as possible before they get married. Dating is one of the few ventures in life where experience really is the best teacher. And the way that you learn what you like and dislike, what you can and cannot tolerate, and what type of person you are most attracted to is by dating different people. Several different characteristics go into choosing a mate, including but not limited to having similar backgrounds and goals, having complimentary personalities, and having congruent sexual appetites in both type of sex and frequency of intimacy. Having a similar background gives a couple common ground, but having similar goals insures that they grow together. Both are important to maintaining a healthy relationship. Personality plays a similar role. People attract people who act like they do. And, the role of sex is oddly often overlooked in romances. Couples need complementary sexual appetites and sexual desires to stay together. Men can not understand how important these factors are without actually going through the process of dating a woman and finding out how each behavior affects them. Dating different women shows a man what he needs from his partner and what is unacceptable from them.

3. Never Argue With A Woman

No man will ever really win an argument with a woman. Women are equipped with more words, an understanding of their emotions that men can not comprehend, and the one thing that men desire, their bodies. In other words, men have less ammunition than women in a fight, a smaller comprehension of the fight that they are in, and an Achilles heel in the battle. Even if a man beats these obstacles and can prove that he is correct in an argument, there are varying degrees of truth and being right does not portend peace of mind. Being right in a heated argument is not enough, because even if you are right, you still lose. You can lose your peace of mind because you hurt her feelings. If you are dating an immature woman, then she could argue solely on principality. And, even when you get a woman to admit that she has made a mistake, she may or may not choose to treat you appropriately after her confession. As a man, you will learn that your lady’s feelings are more important than your pride. In every argument, you choose between being right or being happy, because most arguments are not about the situational cause of the fallout. Most arguments are about some perceived slight or behavior that has progressed over time. Talk with your partner rationally about the issues between you. Do not argue.

4. You Do Not Know A Person Until You Live With Them

No one tells you how difficult living with another person can be. Unless you have had a roommate in college or a younger sibling, then you really can not fathom how complicated voluntarily sharing living space with another person can be. And, marriage further complicates any living situation. Two people from two separate backgrounds with different problem solving strategies, coping mechanisms, and goals are bonded together emotionally and financially by law. It is a recipe for disaster. Every couple could possibly have two different standards of cleanliness, two opposite ideals of order, varying beliefs about familial roles of men and women, separate and non-convergent spending habits, and contrasting sexual practices and appetites. People do not begin to really know each other until they have spent time with each other on a daily basis. And then, marriage also comes with a set of unforeseen expectations. People expect for their spouse to morph into their ideal mate once they exchange vows. When a new groom is struggling to make ends meet, just as he was before the wedding, some new brides feel slighted and undervalued. But, the groom did not become less ambitious after saying “I do.” What was expected of him changed. Living with someone else allows you to see the best and the worst of people, and it helps you to understand some of your inner most desires as well. Cohabitating teaches about the person with whom you are living and it shows you the hidden parts of yourself.

5. Never Overlook What You See

Every person has independent sets of beliefs and personality traits that are unique to them. And, those core values and character traits shape who they are and what they desire. When dealing with a mate you have to respect their belief system and honor their feelings. However, you should always pay close attention to their actions. A person’s actions portray what they believe more candidly than their words ever could. If a person says that they love people, but they never do any charity work and treat the people in their lives poorly, then their behaviors show who they are more clearly than their words. Similarly, if a peer who is always humble and quiet completely overreacts and yells and curses about a seemingly insignificant matter, pay close attention to that outburst. It will not be the last time that you see that type of display. People can not hide who they are at the core, or more accurately, all parts of a person’s disposition will eventually be revealed to those in close proximity with him or her. No matter how small the reaction of a person is, do not overlook it because it gives as much insight into their motivations as what they disclose verbally.

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