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Never List for the Ladies 2010

4 Apr

This article was originally posted on January 2, 2011. Because of a high amount of fanfare, we at decided to submit it again for your viewing pleasure.

1. Never pay for anything. You have the necessary tools to live a life of leisure without having any money. Men will do absolutely anything to get your attention, and you can use it to your advantage. Smile big and smile often. Men are idiots.

2. Never talk in depth about your relationship history. Men, invariably, will ask you about your past. Men do not want to know about your past, they just think that they want to know about it. Do not indulge their request s to talk about ex-boyfriend’s jobs, appearance, or penis size. Your current guy will use it as ammunition later. Yes, men are idiots.

3. Never date celebrities, professional athletes, or extremely powerful, wealthy men unless you do not mind sharing them with other women. They are sleeping with other women. And if they are not sleeping women, they will be sleeping with them soon. Women gravitate towards men that hold a little status. These men hold a lot. Brett Favre, Tiger Woods, Tony Parker, Bill Clinton, and John Edwards all had affairs that went public, imagine how many of these guys did not get caught.

4. Never date married men. Regardless of what they say to you, they will not leave their wives for you. You are the fun fling on the side not the person that they vowed to love for the rest of their life. Their wife and family come first.

5. Never put out on the first date. If you sleep with a guy on the first date, he will not keep dating you. You will be put into the “booty call” category. Just like men that are put into the “friend” category, women rarely if ever escape. Women in the booty call category never become wives.

6. Never dominate the conversation on a first date. Most men want to wow you with their witty repose on the first date. If you talk about yourself the entire date, then he will think that you are selfish and lose interest. Yes, it is unfair, but it is also the truth. And, an added bonus to this is you get to see if he is interested in you as a person by the questions he asks you. You will also know if he is boring without wasting a few dates.

7. Never be too emotional. There is a reason that women generally do not have multiple female friends. There is entirely too much drama in girl-girl relationships to foster different relationships between women. This is probably the same reason that lesbian women make up such a small fraction of society, though that is pure conjecture.

8. Never be too despondent. Men, in general, have no clue about their emotions. They express only two of them regularly, anger and happiness. This means that your man expects you to be his connection to the emotional world. If your guy comes to you in need of emotional support, try not to tell him to suck it up and be a man, that is his male friends‘ job.

9. Never return a gift that someone has given you. Even if you will never use it, and the person says that it is okay to return it, you seem ungrateful by returning it. When someone takes time from their schedule to find something and give it to you, you should keep it.

10. Never question a guy’s manhood. A large part of a guy’s self image is wrapped in how he performs as a man. This is not exclusive to the bedroom, and it touches all facets of a man’s life. If you undermine his manhood, he will feel disrespected. If he feels disrespected by you, then he will leave you and find a woman that will respect him. Anytime that you are involved with a man that is not up to your standards, leave him. As an adult there is no reason to belittle and degrade another human being.

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