July 10, 2012
1. Robocop 2 – The first Robocop movie was about a cop that was half robot and half man. Why did the producers of this movie feel the need to make a second one?
2. Bloodsport 2 – The first Bloodsport was not great, but it reached cult status on the shoulders of Jean Claude van Damme. Then he made thirty seven copies of Bloodsport with different names and the same villains (and even worse, different crappy eighties music and sex scenes). I lost an hour and a half of watching the second Bloodsport and I didn’t even get any van Damme.
3. Next Friday – There is no replacement for Smoke Dog, period. Sorry, Mike Epps.
4. Rush Hour 3 – Chris Tucker got fat…and not funny.
5. Scary Movie 3 – No Wayans brothers equals no funny.
6. Mummy 3 – As if two movies with Brendan Fraser was not enough, some idiot saw fit to make The Mummy 3.
7. Any Disney Movie Sequel – With the exception of Toy Story which was also done by Pixar, no Disney movie is worth the admission price. Think about The Little Mermaid 2, The Lion King 2, or Aladin 2. Which of those would you tell someone to go see in theaters.
8. Jurassic Park 3 – No Spielberg, no bueno. The main storyline never built into anything other than a convoluted connection between a father and his daughter. There were multiple different themes running under the main storyline, but none of them were connected. And, the dinosaurs were a afterthought despite being smarter and therefore more dangerous than all the ones before them. Plus, the cinematography was not that great.
9. Boondock Saints II – The first problem was that the second movie came ten years after the first one, so there was no continuity between the two movies. The second problem was that the movie was crappy.
10. Crank 2 – The first Crank movie was about a man who was poisoned, so that if his adrenaline fell below a certain point he would die. I really did not make that up. Some rich people sat in a room together and decided that this premise was a good idea for a movie. And somehow, a second movie was regurgitated from that idiotic idea.