Thanksgiving List 2011


This year, the list will include instead Kim Kardashian and Paper Magazine, the “Fappening,” gas prices finally going downward, Dr. Kent Brantley and ZMapp, and of course three football games on Thanksgiving.

 

November 22, 2011

Every year there is a cornucopia of different things that we men are thankful for. And this year, is no different. In 2011, we are most thankful for…

1. Jennifer Lopez being single again

Jennifer Lopez is just smoking hot. Her face is absolutely gorgeous and she has one of the most beautiful bodies on the planet. J-Lo made it cool to have a nice ass and we are very thankful for that. Plus, though she has a reputation of being a diva, she has been married three times so anybody that is willing to deal with her nonsense has a real shot at dating her.

2. The talent of cell phone hackers

Cell phone hackers have given us two special treats this year with the leaked nude photos of two women that even gay men have been waiting to see naked, Scarlett Johansson and Blake Lively. God bless you, you invasive, perverted computer nerds.

3. Federal Mediator, George Cohen

God’s favorite sport was on the verge of missing games until a judge forced NFL brass and players into a room with George Cohen. All he did was tell each side to shut up while the other side was talking, and ultimately helped the two sides knock out a deal that they could both live with.

4. WikiLeaks

Besides almost bringing on World War III, Julian Assange and WikiLeaks has been the most entertaining source of media tattle-telling since the world found out about Michael Jackson and his Jesus juice.

5. Sophomores returning to college basketball

In complete contrast to what sports announcers and basketball analysts will tell you, last year was one of the worst NCAA tournaments that was ever played. Freshmen led their teams to the late rounds of the tournament, not because they were future Hall of Famer’s who were exponentially more talented than the more experienced players, but because the one-and-done rule has depleted college basketball of all of the best basketball players. But this year for some strange reason, Terrance Jones possibly the most talented player in college basketball, this year’s most likely Player of the Year, Jared Sullinger, and the most complete scorer in college, Harrison Barnes, all returned to school for their sophomore seasons. This year could be great.

 

Honorable Mention

Yoga pants

Yoga positions

Electronic babysitters


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