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Biggest Pimps

1 Dec


10. Dennis Hof - Hof is the only legitimate pimp on the list. He owns the famous Bunny Ranch in Nevada that houses some of the most attractive working girls in America. Not only is he getting paid by the world’s oldest profession, but he also persuaded HBO to do a reality show about his Cathouse and pimped network television for a few more dollars.

9. Julian Assange – The owner of WikiLeaks, the site that could disrupt the world’s economy and put the world’s military powers at each other’s throat, is also one of the biggest manipulators of the system. He opened his site in Sweden, so that he could not be prosecuted for privacy laws and he held information with which to blackmail government agencies, if he is assassinated. He has the information that can bring down nations and can not be punished for exposing it. That is a real pimp move until he gets caught.

8. Larry Flynt - Flynt started with just one strip club. Once it was successful, he spread a few more around the region gaining more clientele and money. He was not satisfied with just the clubs though, and began a magazine to showcase the girls more readily. Now, he is the owner of one of the most lucrative businesses in America.

7.  George W. Bush – Bush got elected solely on the name of his father and the ”re-counted” electoral votes of his brother. He ran the free world for 8 years, while starting a war that filled his pockets with Halliburton money. Then, like a real pimp, he walked off into the sunset unscathed.

6. Joel Olsteen – Rev. Olsteen drives a Bentley, has a best-selling book, married a trophy wife, and runs a multi-million dollar church. He decided to eschew religion for motivational speaking and it worked. People have followed him like a modern day Jesus. It could be the Jesus-like mullet that he sports.

5. Steve Hirsch, Bill Asher, and David James – These 3 men are the founders and owners of the biggest porn distributors in the world, Vivid Entertainment. They exploit young women with few options and no direction. They are the leaders in a multi-billion dollar industry that pimps the American public of their hard earned dollars without really providing any service. However, they probably do help the medical community with a few thousand extra cases of carpal tunnel syndrome in young males every year.

4. Marc Zuckerberg – He dropped out of Harvard with a few of his friends to start this society’s most costly work issue of the past few years. When your grandmother has a Facebook page, you know it’s big. Zuckerberg became a multi-millionaire with this social phenomena, but was not satisfied there, and sold out all the friends that helped him build it by taking their shares too. That’s like a strong backhand to all of them.

3. Steve Jobs - Jobs is every bit as rich as Bill Gates with his own computer empire, Apple. And, he pimps people across the world with his products. He convinced the world that it was al lright to pay for their music at I-Tunes, after 5-10 years of free music from illegal downloading. He releases the exact same phone, the I-Phone, every year with a few small modifications, and everybody buys it. He makes mediocre products sound revolutionary, like the I-Pad, and people continue to buy his products. People are paying big bucks for the same product; sounds like pimping.

2. Kevin Federline – Kevin Federline is an evil genius. He somehow finagled mediocre dance moves and a little chemistry into a budding relationship with Britney Spears. He turned the spark of that relationship into a mercurial marriage. And then, turned that marriage into a failure while simultaneously riding that failure into a life of leisure. He knocked up the world’s biggest pop star, convinced the world that she was crazy (ok, she helped a little), retained custody of their children while ignoring his ex- and his other children, and forced her to pay “child support” for them. If that’s not pimp, I don’t know what is.

1. Hugh Hefner – Hugh Hefner is the most genius man to have walked the Earth. He is the biggest pimp that this world has ever seen. An unattractive, unappealing man found a way to be intimate with beautiful women using a camera. Not only did he figure out a way to get gorgeous women to take their clothes off and to photograph them, but he also coaxed them into letting him publish the pictures, and made a multi-billion dollar empire from it. Hefner did this so well, that now some of the most attractive women in the world proposition him to take their pictures and he gets paid for it. He has photographed women from all walks of life. He has taken pictures of doctors, lawyers, cheerleaders, wrestlers, and many other varying occupations all nude and he has flourished financially because of it. At 80+ years old, he regularly parades his bevy of 20 year old girlfriends around the town to whatever events he attends. Hugh Hefner lives the life that most men wish they could have just for a day. Hugh Hefner is a pimp.

One Response to “Biggest Pimps”

  1. ankit November 20, 2011 at 12:56 PM #

    Are there any jobs for Vivid in India?

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