Thanksgiving Thankful List 2014


the fappening

iCloud Ineptitude

The complete lack of digital mastery by the makers of the iPhone have given this entire generation something to be proud of, nude pictures of celebrities. Yep, the Fappening happened because pure-hearted and naive iPhone makers decided to automatically upload all pictures taken by their products to a magical digital land where they could be stolen and given to the degenerate general public. We got to see Jennifer Lawrence, Kate Upton, and many more in their most intimate moments. But more importantly, we got to see these celebrities without their clothes. Thank you incompetent iPhone makers for making 2014 a year worth experiencing.

Kim Kardashian

The entire Kardashian family gives us entertainment year round, however one particular Kardashian provides more than the rest of the family combined. Kim Kardashian is the type of train wreck that everyone is happy to watch. And, this year, Kimmie K provided us with one of the best presents of the year when she attempted to break the internet using her massive talents. She gave the general public the only gift that she has ever been able to share with anyone, her body. The entire Kardashian clan is possibly the most talent-less bunch of millionaires on the planet right now, but they may also be one of the most gorgeous. Thank you Kim for giving the people what they want, less of you talking and more of you without clothing. Oh, and thank you for starting this trend.

kim kardashian - break the internet - parody02

Ferguson

No one should be thankful for the death of any young man, however the incident in Ferguson, Missouri has shined a light on an issue that has persisted against minorities for a long time. Unarmed people are dying at the hands of police officers, especially in the Black community. Though Mike Brown was a surprising focal point for a revolution against police brutality because he showed aggressive behavior towards the officer, he was also the victim of excessive force and his killer, the officer, was not even indicted. Over the last three months, police officers have killed at least 8 unarmed Black men including a 12 boy year holding a toy gun. Questions about racial profiling, the quality of police training, and the public perception of minorities have all stemmed from this incident. Brown has been an unlikely martyr, however his polarizing case definitely streamlined focus from other topics to a fairly prevalent problem in American society.

mike brown - what if they gunned me down

Niecy Nash’s Insight into the Complex Male Mind

Her theory is slightly over-simplified, however Niecy Nash definitely understands men better than the average woman. Nash recently wrote a book titled, “It’s Hard to Fight Naked”, where she explains that frequent blowjobs and home-cooked meals set the tone for a happy home in any relationship. In fact, the third chapter of her book is actually titled ‘Stomach Full, Penis Empty: A Woman’s Guide to a Happy Marriage’ and she wanted that to be the title of her entire book. Who knew that a comedienne from an obsolete show could look into the souls of men and find exactly what they want from women? Though men behave in more complicated ways than what she alludes to in her book, dealing with men usually boils down to three simple statutes: feed us, sex us up, and give us a little peace and quiet occasionally. Thank you Niecy Nash for being a mediator for male and female relations.


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