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Things You Never Want to Hear Your Kids Say

9 Dec

Kids say the strangest things and we love them for it. But, this list is composed of the top things that you never want to hear your kids say, in no particular order.

50. Can I borrow some money?

49. Can I have some money?

48. About that money I owe you…

47. I’ve decided to be an artist.

46. When can I learn to drive?

45. I swear the light was green.

44. Where do babies come from?

43. I’m pregnant.

42. I’m not sure who the father is.

41. She said she was on the pill.

40. Gimme a light!

39. Where is the clinic?

38. What is a STD?

37. The doctor said there is no cure.

36. Mom, Dad, this is Bambi/Cherry/Candy/Barbie. We’re getting married.

35. I’m moving out.

34. I need to move back in.

33. About that scholarship I had….

32. I quit my job.

31. Did you cook?

30. Mom, Dad, I swear it wasn’t my fault.

29. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

28. I need a drink!

27. Can I borrow your car?

26. Can you pick me up?

25. I’m way too drunk to drive home.

24. Why do you drink so much?

23. I learned it from watching you.

22. I’m scared of you when you drink.

21. Who was that man kissing mommy?

20. Please don’t hit mommy anymore.

19. You should never have had children.

18. I hate you.

17. You’re fat.

16. I swear that stain was there when I got here.

15. Mommy said that you are not my father.

14. I don’t have to listen to you.

13. I think I could beat you up.

12. I wish mommy had never married you.

11. Pass the weed!

10. I didn’t know that was illegal.

9. The police are on the way to get me.

8. The police are on the way to get you.

7. I need bail.

6. Can I use your lawyer?

5. Women don’t know how to take compliments these days.

4. My new job involves clear high heels and poles.

3. I think I’m gay.

2. I smoke rocks.

1. I hear voices, they’re saying I should kill you.

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