Men are from Mars Women are from Venus: Breakup Edition


When a couple that actually cared about each other splits, there’s obviously collateral damage both sides have to deal with. Even though both parties can take the situation hard, the way men and women deal with the breakup is totally different.

What He’ll Do


Poor grooming

For some reason guys lose a lot of the motivation to be clean and tidy. More often than not the female in the relationship has a higher sense of clean than the guy, so when she leaves, men resort to pre-relationship levels. The apartment starts to look more like a college dorm, showers occur with a little less frequency, and shaving definitely becomes less of a priority. The simplest way to spot a guy who is newly single is to look for a dude who is unshaven, has uncombed hair, and is wearing the same set of clothes he was last seen in.


Music

Most guys just don’t have a lot of easy listening on rotation in their iPod or car stereo. That being said, any such songs are played even less after a breakup. The first few days don’t be surprised if a broken hearted male pulls out every love ballad or tragic country melody in their collection; after that brief window of exposed emotion expires, guys crank up the volume with hard rock, heavy metal and hip hop. Whether it’s as hard as Danzig, or mainstream as Lil Wayne, expect to hear something intense thumping from the newly single guy’s speakers.


Booty calls

It has been widely documented since man developed written language … monogamy is difficult to maintain for the male gender. One of the primary benefits for guys to be in committed relationships is regular sex. Not only is the prospect of habitual sex rewarding, not having to continually meet new women and take them out in order to get lucky is totally underrated. With that being said, when a relationship ends, guys go into a state of sex withdrawal (equally as agonizing as alcohol withdrawal, but without the potentially fatal medical complications). This horrible condition forces men to engage former lovers in text or telephonic sexual propositions. Is such behavior pathetic, embarrassing, and low brow? Absolutely, but acknowledging how reprehensible it is doesn’t stop it from happening. Worst case scenario is sending those suggestive correspondences to the woman just broken up with. Neither party benefits from such an encounter.

 


Movie selection

Similar to how a man’s music choices change after a breakup, his preferred movie genres also become affected. All men love action movies, but after a severed relationship, men stick to action movies, slapstick comedies, and kung fu cinema. Granted this sounds a lot like what most men watch on a regular basis, but generally dark comedy, horror, and psychological thrillers are put on the back-burner for a little while.


Alcohol

The stereotyped image of a newly single woman depicts a young female wearing pajamas, eating copious amounts of ice cream out of the container, and watching tear jerker movies. Guys focus less on the ice cream, and spend more time imbibing alcohol. The first few nights the debauchery generally occurs at a bar or club. Subsequent nights are generally spent at home in isolation. Men slip into obscurity and spend many a night alone drinking, watching horrible movies, and not tending to their grooming. Alcohol is a central part of the breakup healing for guys. Horrible movies, the smell of being un-bathed, and a scratchy, unshaven face are a lot more palatable when one is consistently intoxicated.

 

What She’ll Do



Get hot

The best revenge is living well, and many women take this to heart. In order to show the guy what he’s missing (the subconscious desire), ergo, to get a renewed sense of confidence, women hit the gym hardcore. Generally it’s very effective because the jilted woman gets extremely attractive, and the guy is in agony over what he lost. Men are obviously very visual in nature, so this strategy always hits the mark. What’s lost in the details is why wasn’t she working out more frequently when the couple was together? Guys tend to put up with a lot more stuff depending on how hot the woman is, so the development of a rock hard body may have worked better before the breakup. At any rate if a single guy ever hears a woman mention spending lots of hours at 24 hour fitness, or the names Tony Horton, Shaun T, or Leandro Carvalho, or Chalene Johnson, it’s assured she just got out of a relationship.

 

Hobbies

Whereas men generally hunker down in a pit of funk and facial hair, women make good use of their new free time. Women spend a good amount of time and energy (mentally and physically) trying to please a man, so now they can engage in something they’ve wanted to do for a long time. Common occurrences are art/painting, various types of dancing classes, or even going back to school for another degree. Loneliness is a very powerful opponent, and it is more easily defeated when the mind is consistently engaged. Memories of the relationship, questioning why, second guessing decisions, and thoughts of him moving on to the next woman can wreck havoc on the idle mind. Women keep themselves busy for the ammunition against intrusive thoughts.


Sad music

Men put on hard rock and hip hop, but women tend to go with music that fits their current emotional state of mind. If they’re feeling just totally rotten and beaten down, Adele, Taylor Swift, Sade, or Coldplay may be on their IPod. A more hopeful mood may produce Lady Antebellum, Beyonce, Katy Perry, or John Legend. Women connect with love songs more than men usually do because guys try their hardest to ignore their emotions. Sometimes listening to a gut wrenching ballad and having a good cry is good for the soul. On the other hand, it can elicit a host of negative feelings, and bring the woman’s mood down even further. A good mix of heartbreak and uplifting music is probably the best recipe. I Will Survive, Madonna’s You’ll See, and Lauryn Hill’s Ex-factor could certainly do the trick.


Go shopping

How better to get over a guy than a little bit of retail therapy? Generally the items of choice are clothes, shoes, purses, and jewelry. It goes hand in hand with the getting hot idea, because if the newly single lady is working out hard core, she may need some new clothes for her newly svelte figure. Pampering is also included of course, so a new hair style, massage therapy, and a day at the nail salon are always an option. When/if the ex-boyfriend sees his former flame in a new wardrobe, all made up, and with a new hairstyle, he automatically gets jealous, and that is a secondary benefit of retail therapy.

Embrace friends

Solitary confinement is a male strategy; women like to be with friends even more than ever. Retail therapy is rarely done alone, as the new single diva needs recommendations on how she looks in all of her outfits. What’s more, who likes to do hobbies all by themselves? Even if women don’t get together, they still find time to discuss things on the phone, something men are not well versed in doing. In addition, women can be known to get a pet during this time to help them with the sense of being alone.

 


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