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Boobs Are Awesome!

28 May

Breasts are the most beautiful creation in the history of man. When properly harnessed or unleashed they have the power to take over the free world.

Breasts Can Destroy

Men are rendered powerless when they are near. Breasts have the power to bring down almost any man, and they have destroyed men and their careers since the beginning of time.

Sampson and Delilah – According to the highest selling book in the history of the world, Sampson was the strongest man alive as long as his hair was intact. Take a guess at who wanted him to cut it.

Cleopatra and Mark Antony – First, Cleopatra convinced Mark Antony to forget all his duties as an officer in the Roman military. Then, she convinced him to go to war with her army and promptly abandoned him once the battle became difficult. Finally, she convinced him to kill himself, by making him believe that she killed herself in a ploy to get him to return to her in Egypt. It worked; he wounded himself and died in her arms.

Take a guess at why he married her.

Heather Mills and Paul McCartney – Paul McCartney earned billions of dollars as a member of the Beatles. Once his first wife Linda died, he married Heather Mills, a former model. Paul was stricken the first time he saw her, and it cost him $450 million in the end.

Monica Lewinski and Bill Clinton – A pair of “C’s”, a blue dress, a cigar, and a hummer almost brought down the leader of the free world.

Breasts Can Provide

Just as they have the power to tear lives apart, breasts also have the power to make lives better. They have pushed the careers of several marginally talented and some completely talentless woman into the limelight. And, some of these ladies have ridden the power of their boobs into superstardom.

Jennifer Love Hewitt – Without her boobs, she is just a cute, normal petite woman with a lifetime full of mediocre television and movie roles. With them she is one of the hottest women of a generation and somehow resurfaces with a new crappy show every 3-5 years. Strangely, regardless of if she is the cute girl next door or if she talks to apparitions, her cleavage is always deep. Apparently, ghosts like boobs too.

Lindsay Lohan – Lindsay Lohan is an addict, and the public ignores talented people that struggle with drugs and alcohol in their personal life. Robert Downey Jr.’s life relays a story of a great fall from fame and an even larger redemption, but did anyone speak of him when he was at his lowest point? Tom Sizemore is a guy who is slowly losing everything he has because of his addiction. Who is Tom Sizemore? Exactly. He is a few Big Macs away from getting a great rack, but as it stands, Tom Sizemore does not have nice boobs. Lindsay Lohan stays in the tabloid because of her stark refusal to wear a harness on her big, perky breasts. If she was an ”A” cup, no one would care about her struggles, but at a full “C” or a “D” cup, she is front page news.

Pamela Anderson – She made an entire career out of having enormous boobs. She was a hot actress with a nice shape on Tool Time with Tim Allen, then she super-sized her ta-tas and became the queen of slow motion videos on Baywatch. She absolutely carried Playboy magazine through the nineties. And, she has yet to make a movie that would not make the average American contemplate suicide, but she still remains as popular as ever.

Brooke Burke – To this day, no one knows exactly what Brooke Burke does or how she actually achieved any fame at all. Her contribution to society is as simple as a great set of dimples, a pretty smile, and a nice, small waist. Her breasts are her plastic surgeon husband’s contribution to society.

Lisa Nicole Carson – This former Ally McBeal star has only earned small roles in various movies and television shows, but they were memorable…not necessarily because of her acting.

Rose McGowen – When your claim to fame is being the witch that replaced Shannon Doherty on television or dating circus freak, Marilyn Manson, that means that you must have a great pair of mammaries.

  • This small section is a memorandum of the late Anna Nicole. She learned that her boobs could support her at a very young age.


Breasts Make Women Better

Boobs make women prettier, more interesting, and more talented. Women with larger chests achieve more in life. It is a scientific fact.

This woman is a millionaire despite having no job and little education. If you look a little closer, you will see that she is not that pretty either.

Their Powers Revealed

Changing weather conditions only make them stronger. They are just as powerful when they are hot or cold. And when they get wet, they create complete pandemonium. Breasts have shaped the history of the world and will shape its future.

These are breasts in their natural state. The man next to her is completely mesmerized by their beauty.

They are more powerful in the cold. Most guys had no clue that this poor woman actually had a face.

When they are uncovered and wet there is nothing but anarchy and chaos. Helen of Troy started the Trojan War. She had “DDD’s”. Look it up.


Strangely, they are just as powerful in motion at a regular speed as they are when they are wet.


And, they are even more powerful in slow motion. If you are sitting next to a guy look at his face when he watches the video.


Great boobs inspire artists too. Fine art, nature, and even architecture were greatly influenced by women’s beautiful chests.

Breasts Can Do Anything

Any atheist who is searching for proof of the existence of God has to look no further than the closest woman’s chest. Breasts are firm evidence of divine invention. They are one of the most utilitarian and versatile creations in the world since its inception.

Breasts can be used to nurture,

to support,

to entice and titillate,

to hold things,

and even to protect you.

Quite simply, breasts make the world an easier place to live. Men and women are better for their existence, and the world could be a much better place with just a little more boob. Yes, men were made smarter, bigger, and faster, and more logical than women, but any man can be reduced to a blithering idiot by these……

They Are Called Many Names

A-Z of Boobs






fun bags


head light




love pillows






sweater puppies





x-ray gems



One Response to “Boobs Are Awesome!”

  1. Harrison M October 6, 2017 at 12:16 AM #

    Yeah, boobs are just awesome. And perhaps the most amazing thing is that both big and small boobs are equally powerful when used strategically.

    Well, I need to get out there and stare at some boobs…

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