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50 Things Not To Say During Sex

25 Jun

1. This sucks.

2. Do you suck?

3. Is it in? (especially after a few thrusts)

4. Wrong hole. (especially if the hole is above the waist)

5. This is better than doing my taxes.

6. Ewww….turn off the lights.

7. Can I leave now.

8. Can you leave?

9. The money is on the dresser.

10. This is much better than with my boyfriend.

11. I wish I was with my boyfriend.

12. My boyfriend is bigger than you (especially while staring at your penis).

13. Can we stop for a drink?

14. What’s that smell?

15. Was that you or me?

16. High five!

17. Can you give me a ride home after we finish?

18. Don’t tell my wife.

19. Have you ever done this before?

20. Where did you learn that?

21. Does this position make my ass look fat? (Especially if the guy is asking)

22. I think we should break up.

23. What’s your name again?

24. Do you do anal? (Worse if the girl is asking)

25. And, boom goes the dynamite!

26. Your mom is hot.

27. You wear the same underwear as my mom.

28. You do that just like your sister.

29. Smile for the camera!

30. Oh, those are cute.

31. Are those real?

32. What is your view on strap-ons?

33. Don’t touch me.

34. Hurry up, I want to watch the game.

35. (Loud snoring)

36. Is it okay if Brad joins in?

37. Wow, that is tiny!

38. Wait, you wanted me to wear a condom?

39. Well, you just earned your raise.

40. Your ass is as tight as a twelve year old. Believe me, I know.

41. Stop moving while I change the channel.

42. Stop moaning. I can’t concentrate.

43. Shut up, bitch!

44. I have a headache. Stop.

45. Your butt hole is really hairy. (Especially if talking to a woman)

46. You are really hairy.

47. When did you stop shaving down there?

48. My mom taught me this.

49. Sorry , I have a little gas problem.

50. Did I tell you that I have herpes?

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