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Best Sex Anecdote You Will Ever Read

10 Jul

The elderly say that there is no original thought, and that everything has been done before by someone else. Well, I am not sure how I could better relay the differences between the way that men and women view sex than this anecdote. I stole it for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy.

Men and women are completely different. They have different needs and wants. They have different emotions, and they express them differently. Men think with their head, and women with their heart. The old adage is true.

Last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. We started to fool around, and things got a little hot and heavy pretty quickly. Eventually she stops, pushes me away, rolls over, and says “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”  I was pissed and obviously a little sexually and emotionally frustrated. I yelled, “What are you doing? What happened?!”

So, she says to me the words that no boyfriend on the planet ever wants to hear, “You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.” When my eyes glazed over and she could see the anger building inside of me, she responded to me by saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?”

Obviously, nothing was going to happen that night, so I turned over and went to sleep.

The very next day, I took time off from work to spend a day with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then we went shopping at an exclusive, expensive boutique. I walked around with her while she tried on several different pricey outfits. When she couldn’t decide which outfit to buy, I told her we’ll just take them all.  No outfit is complete without the matching shoes, so I told her to pick a complimentary pair of shoes for each set of her new clothes, and she did. We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

She was so excited that she almost squealed in ecstasy. She looked deeply into my eyes and asked for a tennis bracelet. I know that she doesn’t know how to play tennis, but I conceded, brought her the bracelet, and picked out a necklace for her too. She was almost erupting from all of the excitement.

Smiling with love and anticipation, she finally said, “We’ve got everything that I want Sweetie. Let’s checkout”.

I could hardly contain myself, then I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.”

Her face went completely blank, her jaw hit the floor, and she yelled out a baffled, “WHAT???!!!”

I then said, “Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.” And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”

I’m not having sex tonight either, but at least that bitch knows that I am smarter than her.

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