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Top Five Best Jobs for Men

13 Jul

1. Beer taster – This is a no-brainer for any red-blooded American male. Men love beer. And, the opportunity to be paid to taste, rate, and approve beer is an opportunity that very few men would pass on. With a little knowledge about hops, yeast, and a clean palette, you could turn your natural love for beer into a lucrative career. Plus, in complete contrast to wine tasting, you are supposed to actually drink the beer. There is something special about drinking before noon.


2. Celebrity Photographer – People may think that an adult magazine photographer may be a more ideal job for a male photographer because you get to see and presumably sleep with some of the hottest, most sexual, and most sexualized women in the world. However, there are quite a few problems with taking pictures of sex workers. Though you have a close connection with these sexy women and you get to see them in the nude and in provocative situations, most of these women have serious emotional baggage. Women in the adult industry generally have daddy issues at the lower end of the personal problem spectrum and their issues can range out to sexual abuse at the higher end. There is alcoholism and drug addiction running rampant through all of the adult industry, and most people who work in pornography have at least contracted herpes. Any sexual relationship with any of these women will be full of emotional drama and STD’s. The better occupation is becoming a celebrity photographer. You have access to the stars who will pay more for your services. As you build professional connections through your craft, you could possibly build friendships with powerful people. Everyone loves a person who makes them look better. You will be paid well to travel to exotic locations and photograph supermodels and celebrities, and as an added bonus you will get to sleep with a few of the most beautiful women in the world. Do you think Terry Richardson (world famous celebrity photographer) hasn’t bedded a few of his muses? There are pictures that prove that he has. Google it.

Everybody on that bench makes at least 1/2 a million bucks a year.

3. Professional athlete – Granted, only about 1/60,000 of the general population has enough natural ability to become a professional athlete, but for the few people who are lucky enough to hit the genetic lottery, the payoff is well worth it. First, the pay is great. The league minimum salary for professional football in the NFL (the lowest paying of the major American sports) is about $250,000 and there are about 80 roster spots per team and 30 teams. Being a pro lends you instant celebrity and gives you an immediate higher earning potential than most people who have advanced degrees in a subject and their own practice. Being a professional athlete brings you fame, money, and women. The ugliest and poorest athletes have more opportunities with women than the average guy because of their status as sports stars. They are young, rich, and in the best physical shape of their lives.


4. College Professor – Let’s be honest. Half of the college professors that you took in college had no idea what they were doing in a classroom from day to day. Sure, there were some professors who were well-organized and well-prepared every time that they stepped into the classroom, and there were the department chairs who you dreaded because you had to pay close attention in the classroom and with individual reading if you wanted to pass. However, every student has had at least one liberal arts professor who seemed like he had just cooked up his lesson plan minutes before he walked into class. He often ambled through his subject matter like he was high (because he probably was high), and he had a certain repertoire with the female students despite obviously being a terrible teacher. You could be that guy. You could be the guy that feeds college kids garbage that you know will not help them and sleeps with hot twenty year olds.

5. Elementary School Principal – Bear with me on this one. I know that anything that involves screaming kids in a closed area does not sound like an ideal job for any guy. But, this job is almost perfect. First, elementary school teachers are either mothering, older women who bake pies and cookies every week, or smoking hot, new teachers who are single and love going to happy hours. That means that the women who are there are either going to feed you and advise you or sleep with you. Second, you get a steady crop of 20-30 year old new mothers looking to you for guidance each year. Practice these lines until they come out naturally, “No, little Timmy is not stupid. He just needs a good role model. Where is his deadbeat father? Let’s talk about it over drinks.” And third, you do not have to teach anything. Imagine being the biggest, most important guy in the building full of women, having no classroom responsibilities, and changing children’s lives for the better everyday. Elementary school principal is a pretty good gig.

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