She is the only repeat offender on this list, but her spot here is well-deserved. In the last decade, we have witnessed Miley Cyrus change from an innocent child actor into a wholesome teenage superstar, and then into the full-blown attention whore that we have now. Miley was once everything that a parent could have ever wanted as a role model for their children. She was sweet, wonderfully naïve, and respectful. But, she has quickly become the girl your mother warned you to steer clear of in school. She is the girl who flashes her boobs at crowds, makes a spectacle of herself, and laughs at the whole event. She is the girl who publicly sheds her clothes in the name of feminism and art, but craves the spotlight more than she cares about empowering women or perfecting her craft. Her whole act seems calculated and completely contrived considering the person that she was before her recent transformation, and it makes the whole drama tiresome. Miley converted from a bubbly, conservative teenager that everyone loved to a loud, brash, and uncensored sexually explicit woman. And, while a carefree spirit and a good sexual appetite is extremely attractive in a woman, faux rebellion as a form of sexual revolution seems decidedly formulated. Then again, what guy could pass up a chance to defile Hannah Montana?
The mantle for most annoying voice on television has been passed from Fran Drescher of The Nanny to Sofia Vergara of Modern Family. Her role as the passionate, opinionated Hispanic wife and mother panders to hollow stereotypes of fiery Latina women, overbearing mothers, and cultural disconnects between people of different nationalities. She is the walking embodiment of what Hollywood thinks the average American male believes the average Latina housewife will be. She is loud, confused, confusing, and confrontational. But, Sofia Vergara looks like this when confirms stereotypes.
Sasha Grey is an extremely intelligent, well-read pornstar who has made the transition from adult films into mainstream films. She is a business woman who turned a successful stint as a sex worker into a sustainable career in entertainment. And, some feminists even believe she plays a large role in propagating women’s rights (specifically the rights of other sex workers) with the voicing of her opinions of the sex industry. Theoretically, she could be the perfect girlfriend. A brilliant, well-paid sexually progressive woman who quotes philosophers and knows her way around a headboard. But, who wants their Nietzsche from a professional penis holster? Asking a pornstar for philosophical advice is like asking a garbage man for stock tips. Though they may actually give well-reasoned, complex guidance in areas outside their expertise, no one should expect anything more from either one than filth. Still, it would be hard to pass up a chance to sleep with the woman who starred in such riveting films as Swallow My Squirt 4, In Thru The Back Door, Massive Facials, and Anal Cavity Search 6.
If any other person of color voiced half the absurd and ignorant drivel that Raven-Symoné does regularly, that person would be shunned and ostracized by everyone as a self-loathing bigot. But, that person would also probably have a valid reason for their abhorrent views of their own people based in personal experiences. In complete contrast, Raven-Symoné should be a responsible voice for Black people instead of portending the hollow caricature of a colorless, genderless person. She grew up on the quintessential Black television show of the eighties, The Cosby Show, which documented the Black experience and set the standard for the aspirations of a generation of Black people. Despite all his recent character issues, Bill Cosby represented a Black ideal during Raven-Symoné’s formative years. She should have retained some of his positive influence through sheer proximity. He was the indisputable voice of Black consciousness in the 80s, and because Raven-Symoné spent years under his tutelage, she should be a healthy voice for the community now. Unfortunately, she has no real experience being a Black person, and there is nothing sadder than a Black person who does not know that they are Black. She is currently worth $55M, and she has been wealthy since she was a child. When people saw her, they saw Olivia from the Cosby Show, not Raven-Symoné the Black child actor. Then she went to Nickolodeon and starred in That’s So Raven, where she was Raven Baxter the teenage network star, not Raven-Symoné the Black teenager. She obviously internalized some of what people thought of her, because she has no clue who she is. She does not want to be called Black despite being African-American. She does not want to be called gay or straight. And, a lack of self-awareness is not sexy. However, Raven Symoné has at least a d-cup rack, a pretty smile, and at least 55 million reasons for a guy to sleep with her.
Nicki Minaj is everything that is wrong with rap today. Instead of working to be a pioneer for women’s rap, she just recycled all the most popular characteristics of every successful female rapper that came before her, stuffed them into the body of a stripper, and stole a little Madonna flair to create the well-packaged product you see today. She has very little authenticity, even less lyrical content, and uses overly-produced tracks that hide her lack of talent. The only reason Nicki Minaj is famous is because of her over-the-top act coupled with her pretty face, her big boobs, and her monstrous ass. However, those three things could be called the holy trinity of attraction.
Her memes are downright scary, but crazy girls have the best sex game. Anyone who is that talented at making creepy faces probably has a decent o-face too. And, she is not hard on the eyes when she is not being the overly attached girlfriend.
Anne Hathaway has one of the prettiest smiles in Hollywood with a killer body and an eclectic style. And, that is the only reason she is tolerated. She seems like the most insincere actress on the planet which is quite a feat considering that her profession is based on convincing people that she is another person. Lines from her acceptance speech like, “It came true,” and her thanking of Victor Hugo, the author of Les Miserables, seem disingenuous given her perceived air of superiority and pretention towards fans and her coworkers. Joseph Gordon-Levitt, her costar in at least two movies, says that she was rude to him with no provocation. Star Magazine says he called her “an insufferable snob,” in 2013. Hathaway feigns humility regularly, thanks everyone remotely related to her projects, and then says that she loves her husband. Her emotionally charged speeches sound meticulously rehearsed all the way down to when and where to emote. She never drops her guard and lets people see her real personality. Hathaway seems like one of the phoniest people in film, but she is so sexy that it does not matter.
She married for money twice, cheated on her first husband multiple times and left him, turned her second husband, an Olympian, into a crossdresser, but, most egregiously, she is responsible for the existence of the entire Kardashian clan. Kris Jenner is so hungry for cash and the spotlight that she willingly pimps her daughters’ looks and sexuality to keep herself relevant. Kris Jenner has bred and profited from 5 daughters, and all of them are regularly exploited by the tabloids. One has a sex tape, one is alleged to be the result of one of those affairs, one is a supermodel, and they all regularly date athletes and entertainers. Jenner will do anything to stay relevant, including using her daughters’ lives to bring in cash. Some rumors say that she negotiated the price for Kim Kardashian’s sex tape. And though quite a few guys can say that they slept with a Kardashian, not many guys can say that they slept with their mom.