Being a parent is hard work. And, being a good parent is a lot harder than just having the kid. You have to be diligent about what your child is watching, saying, and doing at all times if you want them to develop properly. This means that you will slowly become removed from the adult world. All of your favorite programming will be put on hold for children’s shows like Dora the Explorer and the Mickey Mouse Club. But, there is hope. The most sane way to hold onto your sanity while watching crappy kid’s shows is to make those shows a little more adult. Turn them all into drinking games. It could be a fun segue into a night out if the babysitter is on the way.
1. The Mickey Mouse Clubhouse – Every time that any of the characters scream or make their signature sound, you have to take a shot. That means that with every giggle by Mickey, every quack by Donald Duck, and with every “Guffaawww!” by Goofy, you must take a drink of your alcohol. Whenever you hear the secret password for the Clubhouse you have to finish your drink and refill it. By the time that the Clubhouse members start dancing at the end of the show, you will not be able to stand up.
2. Dora the Explorer – For Dora the Explorer, every time that someone speaks in Spanish you have to take a shot. This should be enough to get you tipsy, but where is the fun in a simple buzz. Every time that Dora asks you to help her do something that she can do herself, take two shots. And every time that the tiny insect mariachi band plays at the end of some completed task you take three shots. You are sure to be speaking another language at the end of every show.
3. Kung Fu Panda – When an old, wise Chinese saying is made finish your drink. Take one shot for each time that Po is insulted, including when he insults himself. And take three shots for Chinese New Year every time that you see fireworks onscreen. Only every third word that you say will be audible after an hour of this game, just like the old kung fu movies.
4. The Fresh Beat Band – Take a shot when Shout (the Black guy) says anything that makes him look or sound homosexual despite the show trying to make each character as asexual as possible. Take a shot whenever two members of the opposite sex are in a situation that should be sexual, but is not at all sexual in the context of the show. Finish your drink when the band members break into a random musical. You are guaranteed to “have a great day”,.
5. Wow Wow Wubzy – Take a drink anytime anyone says “wow”. Take a drink when Wubzy bounces on his tail. Take two drinks every time anyone says “doodleberries”. Someone will toss their doodleberries.