Top Ten Reasons to Watch the Game At Home Instead of At the Stadium


The Price

Watching the game at home means not spending the ridiculous amount of money that the National Football League owners have decided to charge for tickets to the game. The average ticket price for an NFL game is about $75 according to USA Today. That $75 dollars only insures you a seat in a stadium filled with 70,000 of your closest friends. It does not account for the food and drinks that you will inevitably buy. It does not account for that foam finger that you need to purchase to prove that you are a real fan. It does not account for the overpriced jersey that you will buy from the NFL store in the stadium once you spot some idiot in the rival team’s colors. Your $75 ticket could actually run you about $300 bucks at the end of the day, or you could spend nothing and sit in your favorite chair at home and watch the game on your own television set.

The Company That You Keep

When you are at the game, you do not get to choose with whom you watch the game. You have to watch your favorite team sitting next to the couple who brought their bratty kids to their first game. The kids are fighting, yelling, and jumping all over you. You have to listen to Jake the drunk yell about how terrible the home team is playing. He’s spilling beer on everyone within arm’s reach, and you are sure that he is one pretzel away from releasing his last meal out onto the floor. And then, there is the guy who leaves his seat every ten minutes. He goes to the restroom. Then, he steps over you to use his phone. Next, he needs a beer. And finally, he just needs to stretch his legs, so he excuses himself one more time. Trust me, in the lap of luxury at your own house is where you want to be. The only people that watch the game at your house are the people that you invite into your home. One of the biggest perks of staying home and catching the game on the television is knowing who will be watching the game with you.

The View

Do you know where the most expensive seats in the stadium are? The most expensive seats rest on the fifty yard line of either side of the field and about ten rows up. They are the most expensive seats because they offer the best viewpoint in the game. The second most expensive seats are in a shared skybox for the same reason. Skyboxes allow full view of the action on the field. Well, the camera crews for live games are paid to make sure that you do not miss a second of the action while sitting at home. At home, you are not stuck in a cheap seat with an obstructed view, and the family of giants who jump up after every play are not sitting in front of you. You have the best seats in the house at home (pun completely intended.

No Lines

Every football game tests your patience. There is a line at the ticket booth just to get your admission ticket. There is a line to get into the stadium. Depending on which city that you live in, there is a separate line to be checked for weapons after you have waited in line to enter the stadium. You have to wait in line to buy $40 snacks. Then, you have to wait in line to use the restroom. Going to the game will teach you forbearance whether you desire to learn it or not.

The Food

Would you rather have smothered pork chops or an $8 stale pretzel? Would you rather have a $10 dry burger cooked by some idiot who would rather spit in your food than refill your soda or the cheeseburger that you prepared just the way you like it? Do you enjoy waiting in line for limited choices of overpriced food that will leave hungry before the game ends? Or, would you rather have the exact meal of your choice setting in your lap when the game starts? Yeah, I thought so. A home-cooked meal beats mass-produced tripe every time.

halftime

Half-Time Fun

Who does not enjoy a half-time blowie? Every guy needs a little trouser love during the game and being at home is your shot for ten minute romance. It is the best of both worlds, both excitement of the game and sexual release in the comfort of your own home. Of course, you can get some halftime sex at the stadium too. But, it will cost you at least 100 bucks, and you may get the added bonus of jail-time and a venereal disease.

Half-Time Dump

You have just downed three questionable looking stadium hotdogs and two beers. There is something terrible brewing in your gut, and you know that you have to get to a toilet fast. But, the restrooms at the stadium are filthy and one of the stalls has no door. Either you chance getting crabs or the Bubonic plague from the piss-showered off white toilet seat or you hover over the seat and hope you do not color your pants brown. Good luck with ordeal. The bathroom is just a few steps away at your house. If you time your trip to the can perfectly, you can water the toilet seat floor quickly and be back without missing a play.

No Traffic

The only thing that is worse than sitting in traffic, is sitting in traffic after a game. Imagine if you and 70,000 other people are trying to get out of the same 6 exits at exactly the same time. It happens after every game. Thirty minutes elapse before you get out of the actual stadium. Then, you begin the trek back to your car. Wait, did you park in Blue 23 or Green 32? Maybe you should hit your car alarm while you walk just in case you are close to your ride. When you finally get to your car after walking to the other side of the stadium and checking 4 different parking sections for your car, you inevitably will pull behind the good Samaritan who lets every single car that pulls up drive in front of him. Enjoy that ride home. When you watch the game at home,

Commentary

When you watch the game at home, you get to hear real sports authorities break down the game. The guys who played the game, the guys who study NFL game films, and the guys who coached football at the highest level convene to answer all the questions that NFL fans might have about the games. They can not only explain what a Mike Blitz is to novice fans, but they can also explain the subtleties of the beating the blitz on the offensive end. If you go to the game, you have to listen to Dave ‘Da Bears” Kazowski tell you why Jay Cutler is actually a better quarterback than Tom Brady.

Technology

The newest additions in technology have made watching television better than it ever has been before. New television broadcasts, common cable packages, and modern internet services have changed the way that live football is being watched. Though sitting in the living room with a few friends can not match the roar of the home crowd after a big play, being at home has one obvious advantage over being at the game for real football fans. At home, you can watch multiple games. Flipping through football games is a time-honored tradition that dates back through countless Thanksgivings and Christmases for the American male. The remote control was the first form of technology that made sitting at home more pleasurable than being at the game. However, cable TV now offers the NFL package that allows fans to see every single game that is played during football season. People can watch both the blacked out popular games on the coasts and the obscure games that regular channels do not carry. Plus, television sets can now show multiple games on the same screen, so you will not miss a second of action from your favorite teams. Then, there is TiVo and DVR’s which give fans the power to replay and record as many NFL games as their storage package allows. There is no replay on real game action. If you get up for a beer and miss an 80 yard touchdown run, then you just missed it. With DVR’s you can rewind and re-watch live games and big plays, and the internet lets fantasy football players check their stats while watching multiple games. Finally, one of the biggest technological advantages to watching the big game at home is one of the simple and obvious reasons to stay home, no inclimate weather. The temperature in your house is always a cool 72 degrees regardless of the smothering summer weather or the blistering snowstorm that is forming outside your door or in the stadium, because you have an A/C unit. Air conditioning and heating is reason enough not to leave the house and to watch the game at home.


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