Keeping Her Happy


The key is finding the balance between these two things.

A woman needs come down to three simple things, intimacy, security, and communication. If a man provides these three things to the woman he loves, he will keep her forever. However, as with most things that involve ladies, achieving these things are a little more difficult than the realization of their necessity. Intimacy is both physical and emotional. Women need financial security, security from danger, and secure shelter. And communication is just a lot of work.

Issues with physical intimacy proves to be the easiest problems to correct. Any man with reasonable size and stamina can please a woman with a little intuition and knowledge. Look for her physical cues and read a manual like The Joy of Sex to improve the quality of physical intimacy. Though it is unfair, it is mostly your responsibility as a man to keep the party going. Emotional intimacy, though often attached to physical intimacy is a completely separate entity. Emotional intimacy is how willing you are to bear your feelings with the person you are closest to. It is only achieved through emotional vulnerability and it is a by-product of emotional maturity. Men are socialized to only feel happy or angry, so it is difficult to share other emotions like disappointment and despair without feeling effeminate. Men are taught to soldier on stoically until the situation gets better. Most of them have to work to truly be intimate with anyone about their feelings, but this type of emotional connection draws people closer together and is required for maturation. Emotional maturity is buying those tickets to the ballet, even though you would rather stab yourself in the kneecaps with dull spoons. Sacrificing your time and ignoring your wants exudes maturity and it pays infinitely when connecting with a lady, because in general, their aptitude for and involvement in physical intimacy is directly connected with the amount of emotional intimacy shown.

This is what women are thinking when they see one-ply toilet paper.

Security is equally important. Women, though not necessarily dependent on men for it, appreciate when a man provides it. Security from peril precludes all other needs. If women do not feel safe with you, then they will not date you. So, hit the gym, learn how to throw a punch, and learn to assess levels of danger surrounding you. She needs to know that you are competent and have her best interests at heart. When she does not worry about needless, extraneous plights, you build trust with her. This trust is the foundation of any relationship. Physical shelter, becomes more significant as your relationship progresses because future plans start come to fruition. As a man, you will need some form of shelter, preferably a home in a safe neighborhood. But a clean, woman-friendly apartment should serve your purposes. Buy some big, fluffy towels and hang them in the bathroom. Women like towels, just trust me on this one. Buy some two or three ply toilet tissue. Nothing is more unattractive than a man that chooses to give his woman a rug burn in her nether regions from cheap toilet paper. Relationships have been lost because of toilet paper. Financial soundness commonly provides for the two aforementioned manifestations of security, so find a job and keep it. No woman wants to go to work, pay bills, and come home to find you in exactly the same spot that she left you, playing your Playstation 3 or talking on the phone.

This is how a man feels about communication.

The most difficult  need of a woman for a man to supply is communication. A recent study by psychiatrist Scott Haltzman M.D. says that on average men use about 2,000 words daily in 3 different tones and that women use 7,000 words in 5 tones. Not only do women talk over 3 times as much as men, but they are also almost twice as expressive. There are 3 ways to approach this problem. You can nod your head and say “uh huh,” over and over again until she gives up. You can go on the offensive and overwhelm her with countless, pointless questions about her day and all her friends and whatever else you can throw at her. She will get tired of talking to you and try to leave, but don’t let her. Follow her around the house for another thirty minutes with more inquiries about her hair, nails and shoes. If that doesn’t work, ask her if she’s okay. She’ll say yes, and then ask her if she is sure that she’s okay. Repeat this until she passes out from the sheer fatigue of answering the same unnecessary question for long periods of time. The next day, you will not have to worry about her talking to you. She might be gone though. If you would like for her to continue dating you, you will have try a different approach. Feign interest in her stories about how she is unappreciated at work and how the slut in accounting is sleeping her way to the top. Yes, I know everybody is unappreciated at work, but smile and tell her how great she is at her job. When she begins to tell you how her day was, in the middle of the football game, with your favorite team and your favorite player playing, with 1 minute to go before the half, turn the volume down on the television and feign interest with occasional eye contact. She will welcome your efforts at communication and may take some interest in watching sports with you. When listening to her talk continuously about whatever, do not try to solve the problem. She is not talking to you for your all-knowing wisdom, she just wants you to listen. For an added bonus, you can mirror what you heard her saying. She’ll love that, it shows you were paying attention.

A woman’s needs are simple, but not simply attained. Women need intimacy, security, and communication. Men were often ill-equipped to meet those complex necessities until now. Men, you have the tools, so go make your woman happy.


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