This article was originally posted on July 3rd, 2011. It chronicles the ease with which women can live if they so choose. Women really do have it better than men.
1. No woman has to work – There is a man out there for every woman on this Earth and he will spend money just to be with her. Pretty women do not need a vocation that lends itself to an occupation, because women do not have to work. Ladies do not need to work because men are stupid enough to pay for their every whim when they get around beautiful women. They try to show their affection to women by buying extravagant gifts and showering and pampering them constantly financially. Men have no clue that emotional intimacy is much more important when trying to attract ladies than spending money on them, so they us their money to buy love and sex. Women can exploit this weakness. They do not need to strip to earn money if they are attractive. Men will happily support them without physical intimacy. Men are stupid. Women work because they want to work, not because they have to work. And, men are destined to spend a lifetime working to satisfy women.
2.Women get fake holidays – Women have at least four days in every year that they can expect gifts to be showered on them and for everyone to make a big fuss over them. They have their birthdays, Christmas, Valentine’s Day, and Mother’s Day. Okay, granted, men get their birthdays and Christmas too. But, no one makes a fuss over a guy on these days, and Father’s Day is a joke. If a woman does not get a gift on any of these days, there will be hell to pay for her guy. Mother’s Day is understandable because women nurture the babies and kiss skinned knees, but Valentine’s Day is not real holiday. If you have to work on the day, then it does not exist. Women get to play dress up for a day. Get flowers, candy, a good meal, and if they have the right guy, good sex too. Men get to buy the flowers, candy, and the good meal.
3. Women get to give birth – Yes, child birth is physically the most painful thing that any person could do. It is like trying to push a small orange through a water hose, scary yet magical. However, it is also one of the most rewarding events in any person’s life. How special is it to grow a living person inside of your body? It is one of life’s two real miracles…the other is the fact that a baby pushes its way through a vagina to be born. Also women are closer with their children than men. Mothers kiss the skinned knees and sing lullabies. Dads just pay the bills and tell stories about the good old days.
4. Women are smarter – To be succinct, intellectually, women are no smarter than men. Intelligence varies with no real significant deviation towards any specific gender or race in early years. The changes in “intelligence” come after different social factors are introduced to children. Therefore, smart people come in many different packages regardless of sex. However, women have the ability to manipulate men easily which makes them a little bit smarter. A pretty woman could walk through life without paying for a single thing to support herself. Look at Anna Nicole Smith and J. Howard Marshall II or Paul McCartney and Heather Mills. They just married rich. One waited for the old bastard to die, the other convinced her guy not to sign a pre-nuptial agreement and sued him for half of his worth. Men regularly let boobs and a pretty smile cloud their better judgment. Robin Williams said it best, “God gave men two heads, but not enough blood to use both at the same time.”
5. Women have better orgasms – Men really got screwed on this one. Any guy could deal with getting the short end of the stick on the rest of these if he at least had something that was at least comparable to a woman’s orgasm. When nearing climax during intercourse, a man’s sex organs are extremely sensitive for 2-5 minutes and his orgasm lasts about 5-10 seconds at best. Initially, being a guy may seem favorable, because every time a man has sex, he is going to climax. If he convince anyone to sleep with him, then he will probably have at least a mildly entertaining evening. The sensation of that orgasm is about the same every time he has it and there are only subtle differences between anyone of a man’s orgasms. You know what you are going to get and you will get the same thing every time. Consistency can be good. Most women, unfortunately, do not orgasm every time that have sex. But, women experience orgasms on a completely different level than men. In fact, they have at least three different levels of orgasms. There is the “I really needed that,” orgasm, which is like having someone scratch a spot that you could not reach. It is not mind blowing, but it is good for a quick tryst. There is the actual, mind-blowing orgasm that women can feel in their finger tips and toes. That is the orgasm where the woman has to take a minute to collect herself after it happens. She may stretch languidly across the bed/couch/table/or whatever thing that you just polished with your butts while her eyes are closed and she catches her breath. And then there is the “Oh my God, I do not know what you just did to me, but if you touch my elbow right now, I might finish again!” This orgasm makes the most beautiful women in the world contort their faces until they are almost unrecognizable. It is like a full body seizure, but somehow pleasurable. The woman’s body twitches rhythmically. She can not talk and her entire body is sensitive to touch. Her toes curl and her eyes roll back into her head. The whole experience looks borderline spiritual. That orgasm is a gift. And no man has ever felt anything close to that.