How to Fall Out of Love


Falling in love is simple. There is no specific formula to make love flourish between two people; it just happens. But, falling out of love proves to be more problematic. When someone that you love tells you that the relationship that you cherish is now over, it hurts. They expect for you to be mature and move on, but that is so much easier said than it is done. The bond that is created between two people in love is difficult to break. When a relationship has ended too prematurely, this is how you cope and fall out of love.

1. Cry – You are going to cry if you really loved your partner, but you should know that it is okay to emote. There is a cathartic release of emotion when you allow yourself to mourn the loss of a good relationship. Grieving is the first step towards moving back to some semblance of normality in your daily life. When you lose a significant other due to a bad break-up, it is very similar to losing a loved one to death. The loss is often unexpected and you are seldom prepared for the emotional onslaught that it inevitably brings. Permit yourself the grieving process and just know that this sorrow is just part of a phase. The mourning phase normally lasts half of the time of the relationship, meaning if you dated for one year, then you can expect to miss that person for at least 6 months.

2. Get rid of everything – Purge your home of all remnants of your past relationship. Erase your ex’s number from your phone. Promptly return all of their clothes and belongings. If there is anything that remotely reminds you of them, put it in a box and give it to them.  Remember that sock puppet he/she got you from Cozumel that smells like the sea shore? Throw that away immediately. Remove or burn all the pictures that you have of your former boyfriend/girlfriend. There should be nothing within eyesight that could make you reminisce about all the good times together. Your focal point at this stage is erasing any memories that he ever existed.

3. Occupy yourself – Keep yourself busy. Shifting your attention towards your career is ideal for moving past an ex lover. The time that was spent with your ex can be better utilized in the workplace. Go into work early and get started on your big presentation a few days before you regularly do. That early start will pay dividends in the end product of your project and in your coworkers opinion of you. Stay late and help your coworkers with their projects. The extra activity in the office will be well-appreciated and may even garner a promotion. An idle mind will invariably wander to your ex, so keep busy.

4. Occupy yourself a little more (with someone else) – This does not mean move ahead and start your next big relationship. You are not ready for a relationship, but you are ready for a little attention from the opposite sex. Whatever liaison you have with the next partner will ultimately fail despite the person being personable and attractive. If the perfect mate was introduced to you during the healing process of a break-up, they would go unnoticed. But, the rebound person serves a few purposes well.

  • They stop you from calling your ex because your attention is diverted towards new endeavors.
  • A new playmate may help you to relieve some sexual frustration
  • The right person can show you that you are capable of enjoying the company of someone other than your ex

5. Embrace the old relationship – After you have worked hard to forget the person that you loved, you will come to a point where you really appreciate all that you had. This may be started by a distant memory of time spent with your ex, or it may be that you found some old trinket that you failed to return to them. Following the months you of pushing old memories out of your head, you are now overrun with them. If you have mourned losing your relationship properly, then the pain of the break-up should not be as searing as it was before. In which case, you should embrace the opportunity that you were given to love another person. There are few things more rewarding than sharing time and experiences with a person that you love. You begin to see your past relationship in a different light.

6. Step into full reality – Realize that you may never stop loving your ex. When you truly love someone, you may never stop holding some affection for them. That does not mean that you want to try the relationship again. It simply means that, when you truly create a bond with someone, it does not break. Think of this connection like the bond between old friends. When you have a chance encounter with someone that you really befriended in your past, you pick up the friendship where you left it. With friends, there are no awkward refractory periods. Similarly, if you were connected to this person for an extended amount of time romantically that tie may never sever.

7. Grow – Use the experiences from your relationship to grow as a person and as a partner to your next lover. Once you have been removed from the initial hurt of your break-up, you can see with clarity the mistakes that you made in the courtship. Use your experiences as tools of growth.

8. Date – Get back in the saddle and actively date. You have gone through all of the stressful parts of losing someone that you loved. Now go find and enjoy the person that will adore you for loving you.


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