Unless you were born with exceptional good looks and unfailing confidence and charm, at some point in your life, you have had a little trouble approaching women. Gaining the attention of and intriguing a woman seems like a daunting task, but it is not nearly as difficult as it appears to be. The average movie makes every guy that tries to pick up a woman a smooth-talking ladies man or an arrogant jerk. However, what you should do in these moments lies somewhere between these two extremes. Men who want to make successful, well-received advances toward ladies should follow these simple steps.*
1. Observe – If you want a good shot at talking to an attractive woman, you should first think about your surroundings, take notice of her clothes, hair, and shoes, and then observe her body language.
- Location determines your proposed behavior. How you approach a woman in a bar is different from how you would talk to her in a club. What you would do in a club differs completely from what you would do at a coffee shop. Where you are should influence how you approach any attractive woman. If you are in a bookstore, then you know that she reads and she will be standing in the section of books that she likes or will buying. From a simple observation, you have a “mutual” point of interest and an easy conversation piece. If you are in a club, then you should start dancing and coax her out on the floor. Your environment helps guide your method of approach.
- Different types of women are receptive to different types of advances. A woman who dresses conservatively/formally, with her hair in a ponytail, and has closed-toed flats on her feet, is probably a business woman. Normally, she is more likely to accept a direct approach. A strong willed woman often is only receptive to a strong, genuine approach. A woman donning a free-flowing, brightly colored dress with her hair down and wearing sandals, is at leisure. This woman might respond better to some clever quip about some tiny observance that you have made. The clothes and accessories that a woman wears gives direct insight into what she favors and into what makes her receptive to another person’s approach. Use her appearance to guide your conversation.
- Body language is the biggest indicator of approachability. Closed arms and crossed legs express a defensive posture. A woman that has this stance may prove to be difficult to charm, so avoid those people in those positions like the plague. Approach her when her body language is languid and demure.
2. Subtlety – While the fairer sex generally likes their men to be masculine and direct, in the initial meeting a little subtlety is necessary. When you approach a woman, your carnal intentions are assumed and implied prior to you saying anything to the woman. Being subtle personalizes you to the person that you are attempting to pick up and softens your approach. Walking up to women and starting a conversation can give ladies the feeling of being “hit on.” If she feels like she is being “hit on”, then you have most likely failed. Whenever you talk to a woman she should feel comfortable, and this can be achieved through a gentle touch.
3. Say something, stupid – There are two schools of thought on what you should say to a woman when you are meeting for the first time, the formal introduction method and the witty banter method. The latter is the most successful with actually starting conversations, but different occasions call for different methods. When introducing yourself to a woman in a loud, public place, for example, a direct “Hello, my name is…” is appropriate and necessary. If she noticed you at all, then she saw you walking towards her, and is probably wondering what your intentions are. This will ensure that she is guarded when you approach. Your only logical repose is to give a formal greeting. If you approach her at a grocery store, then you may may want to jump into a conversation before you tell her who you are. For example, if she has placed laundry detergent in her basket, you may say, “I heard Brand X works really well, is that true?” Once again, you have a “mutual” interest and a conversation piece.
4. Be warm -Most people will tell you to be confident. Confidence works if you can display it without seeming arrogant. There is a very thin line between confidence and cockiness, and if you veer onto the egotistical side, you usually lose the opportunity to date the woman with which you are interested. Instead try to be warm and engaging. Woman can find a little nervousness endearing if they also think that you are a good catch. No one likes a guy that is too into himself. Always listen to her more than you divulge information about you. Women like to talk about themselves, so this should not be difficult.**
5. Watch your language – When talking about whatever subject that you broach in an attempt to get a future meeting with this woman, be sure to use “we” instead of “you” when talking about possible dates. Theoretically, when you use “we,” subconsciously she makes the association that the two of you could become “we.” Studies show that couples that use we are significantly more successful than couples that use you. This is a sales technique that has some merit outside of the showroom.
Since we are talking about sales…
6. Seal the deal – Ask for her number. You have spent a few minutes wowing her with your extensive knowledge about some inane, unimportant subject. You have smiled and charmed her with your intent listening and witty responses. Now, she is waiting for you to make your move. So, make it. Say how awesome she is, and ask when you can see her again.
7. Repeat process.
*These steps are made with the assumption that you are well groomed and at least appear relatively human. Results may vary depending on various factors including, but not limited to: If you look like a yeti, if she likes how yetis look, how funny you are, how cute she thinks you are, etc.
** Sexist statement of the month, but it is true.