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Thanksgiving List 2016

24 Nov

Every November, we as a country join together with our families and celebrate all the things that we are grateful for in our lives. The tradition of Thanksgiving allows us time for introspection into what is really important in our lives. Here are a few of the things that keep staffers thankful.


1. Kanye West

There are very few people in this country that are more entertaining on a daily basis than Kanye West. Just recently, he went on a ten minute rant to his fans during his concert, performed exactly two songs, stormed off stage, and promptly canceled the remaining twenty-one dates of his tour. Kanye is one of the seminal talents in rap, he produces more music for his peers than he makes for himself, he’s wildly opinionated about everything from politics to pop culture without a personal filter or a handler who can shut him up, and he’s married to a glorified stripper who earns as much money he does. This guy is God’s personal gift to the media. And, he was just checked into medical care for the long-awaited bout with “exhaustion” that he has avoided for the last ten years. His stories write themselves.


2. Chrissy Teigen’s Slit

Chrissy Teigen, a super model who has modeled for the Sport’s Illustrated Swimsuit Edition multiple times blessed us all by wearing a dress with a slit up the side that went to her armpit to the AMAs. That’s right, a woman who is paid to model the smallest amount of clothing legally possible in public found and wore a dress that had an equal amount of material as a bikini. The most amazing part of her ensemble was the single gold bar that kept her from spilling out of the sides of that flimsy piece of clothing.


3. Conor McGregor

Mixed martial arts surpassed boxing in popularity years ago. The variety of fighting styles, the leadership of Dana White, and the brutality of the sport brought new fans to the sport in droves. However, until Conor McGregor came along, MMA did not have a champion that could rival the popularity of Floyd Mayweather. Mayweather, though extremely talented, put a stronghold on boxing that he would not relinquish until he retired. He dodged fights and still command the highest purses that the sport had ever seen. That hurt boxing as a whole. But, McGregor never ducked competition. And now, he has done something that no other MMA fighter has ever accomplished in history. He won championship belts in separate weight classes. In boxing, crossing weight classes is difficult, but a skilled boxer can still defend and score points at a similar rate to when they are fighting at their normal weight because throwing punches uses less athleticism and more technical skill. Raw, unpolished boxers do not last long in the sport. However, mixed martial arts are equal parts technical skill and displays of pure physical talent, so a forage into a different weight class is unprecedented. Conor McGregor is so skilled and so talented that he was able to win at the highest level of his profession in two weight classes.


4. Trump’s Election

If there is anything that will unify all the people of this great nation, it will be the election of Donald Trump as president of the United States. America wanted change, and change is exactly what it got. Hopefully, Trump is smarter than most people give him credit to be, and his politics are somewhere between the extremely conservative viewpoint that he expressed during his campaign and the more liberal stance that he has taken as a businessman. Hopefully, the fairly racist angle that he took during his campaign does not express his final stance on governmental relations with minorities. But, his hiring of people affiliated with White Nationalist ideals do not bode well for minorities. Unification may seem like a far cry with some of his early decisions, however Trump has already backed out of some of the promises that he made during his campaign and may alienate his base. Putting Hillary Clinton in jail and repealing the Affordable Health plan were two of his biggest selling points, and now Trump has said clearly that he will not pursue either avenue. He is unabashedly going back on his word, and his politics are starting to look like those of every other politician that held the office before him. If he disenfranchises his white voters and continues to make decisions that will only infuriate them, then all the people of the United States may come together to get rid of him. And, if he fails to repair the economy like he promised, then people of all races may be able to make decisions collectively that helps the country rather than putting it in the hands of a self-serving businessman. Either Donald Trump lied to get into office and his politics are closer to the types of ideals that help everyone succeed or he will fall on his face trying to implement policy that no one can afford, and be impeached. Either way, the people win.


5. Internet Porn

There once was a time when Americans had to walk into a seedy video store, use an alias and pay an exorbitant fee to get their porn, or give all their personal information to said seedy store in order to watch it. You either ignored your sexual desires or you faced the judgement of the store owner and his staff when you brought Big Tit Hookers 12 to the counter. But, today with help of the Internet, no one has to face  the video store owners again. All your porn is available at the click of a button. If you want to see Japanese tentacle porn just look it up. If you want to see butch lesbians eating corn out of a pig trough, Google it. Anything that you can imagine, anything that turns you on is at your fingertips.


6. SNL

The reemergence of Saturday Night Live is something for which to be grateful. SNL played a big role in shaping the humor of this generation. Some of our best comedians from Steve Martin to Eddie Murphy to Chris Rock got their start in New York City doing sketch comedy there. Their comedic timing was developed on live television, and America tuned in every Saturday night. The show has been a launching pad for funny men and women for 40 years, but it struggled in the recent past to keep viewers and to deliver the laughs. But, Fred Armison, Tina Fey, Maya Rudolph, Amy Poehler, and Kristen Wiig changed the direction of the show and saved it with fun and ridiculous characters. And, with Kate McKinnon, Keenan Thompson, and Leslie Jones the show has been completely revitalized. Saturday Night Live is back.

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