Your Relationship Status


April 30, 2012

People are often confused about where they stand in a relationship because of a lack of communication, whether it be intentionally obtuse language or the accidental miscommunication of their intent. But for those who lack the courage to plainly ask what their friend, lover, or significant other wants, there is a solution. Below is the definitive guide of where you stand in a relationship by what the two of you have done together.

1. When to call someone your girlfriend - The title of girlfriend is awarded after the third sexual encounter (before 12 a.m.) or after the eighth date. It sounds complicated, but the concept is actually pretty simple. If you make it through eight full dates with any woman, then she has begun planning your marriage in secret regardless of if the relationship is sexual or not. You have been plugged into her dream wedding until you screw it up by saying something stupid. And, sex is the only other way of determining your relationship status. If a woman only has sex with you after 12 a.m., then you are a booty call and not a boyfriend, therefore you should not expect much from that relationship. If the two of you have had sex once and she failed to return your call, then she is not interested in you (and you may also be terrible in bed). A woman that is interested in you always calls unless she is waiting for you to call. Having sex twice with the same woman means that she likes that thing that special little thing that you did the first time that you slept together, she likes you and wants to give you another chance at pleasing her (because you screwed up, Speedy), or you are the only guy that is available that night (which means that she is a little slutty or you are a booty call). If you have sex with a woman three times, then you are her boyfriend whether you have discussed it or not. No woman commits time, effort, and orgasms to a guy without some real interest.

2.¬† When to say I love you - The conventional and accepted ideal for the first “I love you,” is after 3-6 months in a monogamous relationship. The real world application of that ideal is to say it when you mean it. The right person will take the gesture the right way and return the sentiment despite it having been said two days after you met or two years and one child later. The wrong one will run. There really is someone out there for everyone, so express your love for your partner when you feel compelled to do so.

3. When to meet the parents - There are two schools of thought on when to meet the parents, and either of them will work in any given relationship. The first is to meet your partner’s parents after a few dates at a family function, and the second is to meet them once your relationship gets serious enough to consider marriage. Meeting parents in the context of a family gathering is probably the easiest way to get to know your girlfriend and her family, but you must realize and accept that you are probably not the first beau that has been invited to family functions. Some families are very receptive to friends and boyfriends entering family events, and they may have liked one of your girlfriend’s exes a little better than you. That means that a drunk uncle or a over-bearing father may tell you a little more than you want to know about the perfect one that got away before you. Waiting to meet her parents has its hazards too. After years of dating and a few talks about the future, you might find that her parents hate you. Good luck.

This is the only thing you can do after two years without jewelry.

4. When to get her jewelry - The first time that you buy jewelry for a woman should never be before the six month mark in a relationship or after the two year threshold. If you buy jewelry before your relationship has reached six months, then you will seem overzealous, seedy, or be deemed a stalker. Though it is a great gift, jewelry is reserved for a serious relationship with a real future. At best, she might think that you are wealthy and that you are trying to buy her love, and you will look like a loser. If you wait two years or more to buy her jewelry, then she will expect an engagement ring when she finally sees a jewelry box. So, anything other than a big rock will be a big disappointment.

5. When to have sex for the first time - People have rules about only after 3 to 8 dates or only when you love the other person. But, deciding when to have sex for the first time is dependent upon what you want out of the relationship. If you want sex, then obviously you should have sex with the woman that you are dating as soon as possible. However, if you are looking for Mrs. Right, then you should not under any circumstances sleep with her on the first date. Not only will it change your opinion of her, it will change her opinion of you. Instead of being a chivalrous gentlemen who wants to get to know her before connecting on a physical level, you will be viewed as a wild dog who will hump the leg of any person that will let him jump onto it. Waiting to have sex allows you to know a woman before you change your relationship. Sex complicates things even when you are not interested in someone. When you are interested in her, it can doom a relationship. Sex is rarely great for a woman without some emotional connection to her partner, which means that sex on the first date usually feels empty and desperate rather than hot and fulfilling. You should always wait until there is emotional intimacy with a woman before you have physical intimacy with her.


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